He did! That's why he kept making that comparison. He knew it was disproportionate and unreasonable, but that was how he felt. As far as a hyperbolic expression of feelings, he should only be held at fault for it if he actually DID anything like that. Which he didn't.
Perrin manned up from the beginning. His deal was that he did what he was told, he did what was presented as the right thing to do. He had to stand up and learn to do what was right on his own initiative, which was his arc in tDR, just like Mat had to learn to take responsibility and do the right thing, while Egwnene had to find some sort of balance between independence and cooperation. And then they spent the rest of the series playing with those issues.

Perrin was large and strong, and he had to have been as a child to be accepted as the blacksmith's apprentice. He spent his formative years being told to be careful, to exercise restraint, because he could hurt someone. He was also the eldest child in the family, so that would have started as soon as Adora was born. That's a central issue in his character.

As far as the trial, the Children of the Light had a legitimate grievance. He attacked them unprovoked and killed men who were not doing any harm to him, because they killed animals. They had no way of knowing the animals in question were sentient or in any way deserving of consideration, and this was the tail end of a winter characterized by excessive wolf attacks. Wolves themselves tell Perrin to calm down in regard to much more egregious and unjustified killings. And that in turn, is another reason why Perrin is wary of his powers and so on. He overreacted and killed two men, because of those same powers. Of the other wolfbrothers Perrin meets, one is a fugitive living in the wilderness with little or no human contact, while the other had lost his mind. What's NOT to be concerned about? As far as actually using them, he did so in just about every book in which he appeared, starting with tGH, where he uses them to follow the Trollocs. He uses his abilities in tDR to communicate to a degree with Noam, to bring the wolves to help fight the Shadowspawn in the camp, and to free Faile from Bel'al's trap. In tSR, he uses his abilities to scout and fight Slayer, he uses them to bring wolves to rescue for Rand in LoC, and so on.

As far as the leadership goes, why should he embrace that? His reluctance never caused problems, it was simply a thing that was happening early on, and then he started shaping up when it became important. It might seem all cool and badass to be a lord commanding armed men, but it's a pain in the ass, a ton of work, and it isolates you from everyone around you. Elayne's late series arc gave a very mild picture of the tedium of rulership, and all people did was piss and moan about that too. So they are also mad because Perrin didn't want to turn into that?

Because it has nothing to do with that. He might know people are mad, but that's not going to tell them what has angered them about a particular situation, as well see with Faile. It's not like any other characters at all show any particular facility with that kind of thing. The occasional bit of insight here or there is as far as it goes.
Except that never really manifested as a problem. Oh, sure sometimes Masema didn't cooperate with him, but no one cooperates in WoT. Masema's heart was in the right place. And here's the thing: whatever faults or flaws he might have had, Masema was loyal to Rand. If that doesn't count for something, what does.

Perrin's reaction stemmed from fear and ignorance of the OP.

Fear is an excellent reaction to ignorance, which Verin faulted Egwene for not sharing. And he was right to do so. Egwene had no idea what she was doing, and the very next time we see her thinking about messing around with fire, she makes a bunch of torches flare without intending anything of the sort, in Fal Dara. Why don't you try sitting next to someone playing with a flamethrower, who has no idea how it works, or how to control it and keeps insisting on trying to cook your dinner with it, and can't understand why you flinch when they inadvertently point the muzzle at you. Perrin has spent years messing around with flames and white-hot metal, as well as being in like the top 1% of physical strength. He can't help but know how dangerous things can be without proper skill and control. He has spent his life handling dangerous materials and making good things. Egwene has spent her life day-dreaming of adventure and now yearning for power with no understanding. It's not her fault, anymore than it is the fault of a child for not understanding the gravity of a handgun, but you still don't have to be comfortable letting them wave it around.

Absolutely not, because they are all smart and sane, with an appropriate respect for power and a strong reluctance to misuse it.
Yes. Wilders do fine. Egwene is the worst of both worlds. She does not have the proven capabilities or instinctive balance that wilders seem to develop, nor the actual training of a normal channeler. She had no more idea of what she was doing than any wilder, except wilders have mostly come to some sort of restrain. If anything, their issue is that they overdo it on self-restraint, by unconsciously limiting themselves with additional conditions. Egwene has nothing like that to make her safe, and channelers much more experienced than she would never be allowed to light a fire unsupervised with no direct teaching.