I think RJ was conflicted between the need to keep the story PG while also not wanting to minimize the horrors of war (since he was very familiar with that). I think he chose specifically not to focus on those aspects, but you can see that he's very aware.

You mentioned the Novices who very probably died in the White Tower conflict. And you're right, someone intent on showing the horrors of war would definitely have shown that. What Egwene said was a rationalization, the true reason for her destroying all the to'raken was not to spare the captives the horror of the a'dam, but to prevent the knowledge of Traveling reaching the Seanchan. I like to think that had RJ written this scene, the moral and emotional aspect of this would have been covered, if not the graphic details of the deaths.

On the other hand, we have seen children die on screen. The most obvious example being of the child that Rand tries to tragically bring back to life in tSR. While we don't really get all the details of her injuries (which is unnecessary, IMO), Rand's anguish is well captured, and his reaction spot on, IMO.

I think if someone translated WoT for the screen and stayed true to the books, they would inevitably have to show a lot of blood and gore. Jordan didn't describe those things much, but they are very much present.