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This is very good! A Deathwatch Guard Send a noteboard - 12/01/2011 07:00:14 AM
I enjoyed it a lot, and am eagerly awaiting the continuation, I might add ;)

I do have a few complaints/suggestions, however. I know I couldn't do a better job than you have, and few people probably could, but still as a nitpicky reader it's my duty to point out things that I take issue with, no? :P

The only real problem, aside from the general brisk pace of the excerpt (which I totally loved, but I do see the briskness as detracting from it's ability to contend as a viable portion of the final book) was Mat going to Egwene to deal with the Caemlyn situation. Why would he do that? Surely, even if he doesn't go to Rand, he should visit Elayne first and hear her thoughts on the matter. Mat has never been on the best of terms with the White Tower and Aes Sedai, so him going so willingly to Egwene is quite strange, and her involvement in the affair strange overall as well, since presumably Andor and Caemlyn should be no more significant to her than any other capital in the world, and certainly not more important than the meeting about to take place out in the Fields. Rand seems like a more likely leader to turn to when it comes to dealing with Shadowspawn and anything having to do with the Shadow, and Mat being Rand's old childhood friend, I would imagine he would sooner turn to him - male channeler or no - before an Aes Sedai.

But that's just my opinion, and no matter my complaints, I still think this was excellently written, and would love to read a continuation. Hopefully you do write one, and if not, at the very least continue writing other things, because you truly have a talent. :)
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I wrote a Fan Fiction that takes place directly after ToM - 10/01/2011 12:59:00 AM 3392 Views
oops *NM* - 10/01/2011 12:59:29 AM 556 Views
Re: I wrote a Fan Fiction that takes place directly after ToM - 10/01/2011 04:46:13 AM 1096 Views
done. Thanks a lot *NM* - 10/01/2011 04:58:25 AM 500 Views
Isn't it nice when main characters actually talk to each other? *NM* - 10/01/2011 07:39:30 AM 574 Views
Yes, that was one of things I liked about ToM *NM* - 10/01/2011 01:35:22 PM 508 Views
Re: I wrote a Fan Fiction that takes place directly after ToM - 10/01/2011 11:01:21 AM 1104 Views
Agreed, reads much more like RJs style than BS's attempt *NM* - 10/01/2011 02:24:47 PM 452 Views
Re: I wrote a Fan Fiction that takes place directly after ToM - 10/01/2011 03:23:29 PM 1128 Views
I like fanfiction, and I liked your overall approach to the scene - 10/01/2011 04:31:00 PM 1113 Views
So YOU are the one at ff.net... - 11/01/2011 09:24:15 AM 1095 Views
Wow, I've never read good fan fiction before, but that was GREAT! - 10/01/2011 05:12:32 PM 894 Views
Will you write part 2? *drools* *NM* - 10/01/2011 07:18:02 PM 504 Views
You want MORE people bugging you to continue writing?? - 11/01/2011 03:01:08 AM 997 Views
very nicely done! The Lelaine bit was an especially nice touch - 11/01/2011 09:37:29 PM 1036 Views
This is very good! - 12/01/2011 07:00:14 AM 982 Views
He didn't go to her to deal with Caemlyn - 12/01/2011 03:09:16 PM 1030 Views
Ah, okay - 12/01/2011 07:47:59 PM 816 Views
I'm looking at it again - 13/01/2011 05:33:38 AM 905 Views
You mean Gaidal Cain come out of his larval form? - 13/01/2011 07:02:50 AM 851 Views
Very Nice! Let's hear some more... - 12/01/2011 07:07:16 AM 856 Views
Wow. I nearly forgot I was reading Fan Fiction! There is one thing, - 12/01/2011 07:56:15 PM 990 Views
Or perhaps he slept with clothes? - 17/01/2011 01:45:35 PM 897 Views
Oh wow! - 13/01/2011 05:23:53 AM 855 Views
*NM* - 23/01/2011 06:28:42 AM 480 Views
Bumping one last time. *NM* - 17/01/2013 05:17:28 AM 392 Views

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