I am making these up completely as I go. There is no unifying theme. Unless the unifying theme is that there is no unifying theme. I resolutely stand by the rigid and unflexible rule that my questions must follow no rigid, unflexible rules, and no one can sway me from that course.

Also, is it strange that there have been no posts in four day, and only five in the past ten days (four of which are about Doctor Who)? I thought the new season of primetime telemavision shows had just started up.

That wasn't one of the questions, but I guess you can answer it anyway. If you must.

Where are the questions, you ask? That wasn't one of them either. But here they are:


1. You are designing a tv series. You must choose actors for each of the following generic stock roles. You are so incredibly famous that any actor in the world would say yes to you, and would work for peanuts. Movie actors, tv actors, whatever. They would give up their fortunes to lick your boots. The roles:

- The grizzled ex-military commando spacejumping daredevil badass pirate captain with a heart of gold.

- The impossibly cute love interest who dies at the end of the first season (spoilers!).

- The wise old mentor figure who rides a flying space horse and wears a stetson.

- The queen of the Galic tribes circa 47 BC.

- The precocious child who always gets into trouble but is secretly the leader of the unstoppable alien shapeshifting menace.

- The young woman who got lost on the way to the corner store and ended up hitching a ride with an alien and becoming stranded in the chaotic energy of time itself causing her to pop out randomly at different points throughout the past and the future.

- The sarcastic alien she caught a ride with, who wears a long coat and dual-wields toy Star Trek phasers.

- The wisecracking ship pilot who used to be a dog before the unfortunate transmogrification.

- Gandalf.

If it helps with your decision, the show is titled Cheers: The Next Generation.


2. If you could keep one show, and one show only, on the air for the rest of your life, which do you choose? You can resurrect cancelled shows as well.


3. Mulder versus Scully:

- Which is cooler?

- Which would win in a gunfight?

- Which would you want to join your team at work, and why?

If you don't know who Mulder and Scully are, get out of my internets, we don't want your kind around here.


4. George Lucas decides to make money by inserting product placement into the Star Wars saga in the New Fourth Extra Special Edition.

- What is Chewbacca's beverage of choice?

- What is Darth Vader's iPhone ringtone?

- Where does Han Solo take the Millenium Falcon for all his maintenance and tuneup needs?

- Is R2-D2 a Mac or a PC?

- What is the most popular fast food chain on Tatooine?

- What does Princess Leia use to relax after a hard day in the garbage compactor?

- What is Yoda's favourite sports team?


5. You can erase one movie from time, so that it never existed and never will. Which do you choose?


6. Johnny Depp becomes Lord Emperor of Hollywood and will now play the starring role in every single movie, and will also be inserted via CGI into the starring role of every movie ever made in the past.

- What are the top three roles you'd want to see him as? Future or inserted into the past.

- What are the three most ridiculous roles you can think of for him?


7. Of the following, which would you most want to see a sequel for, and which would you least want to see a sequel for? Back to the Future, Kill Bill, Spaceballs, Memento (actually a prequel in disguise), Fight Club, Gladiator, Signs, Trains Planes & Automobiles, Kindergarten Cop, Hamlet (the undead sequel to the Mel Gibson version).