00:36 Just want to point out that Tolkien had a very low opinion of magic and would not at all like hearing the skills of the Elves or good Wizards, or Tom Bombadil, referred to as such.

And since the "Previously on" segment is featuring them, it looks like our blessed fortnight of relief from nonsense blathered in a stage Irish accent by Tom & the Harfoots has come to a close.

3:40 This appears to have been written by a “man” named Justin Noble and Sanaa Hamri is directing this one solo, without a collaboratrix. You go, Miss Hamri! Fly without that net!

3:44 Establishing shot of pine trees in front of a mountain. What forest? Which mountain? Not a clue. Do they know that establishing shots are supposed to establish something? Like where we are, or what the circumstances are in this setting?

3:55 I think that’s Mori, running through the woods for some reason. Don’t recall why.

It IS Mori, he stops running, peers about, crouches down and cocks his head to listen, hearing a couple of Orcs complaining about dying for Adar

4:17 Orc deserters. Let’s just keep saying that they have free will and not actually do anything with that change in the lore.

They pass the rock pile where Mori is hiding. He straightens up to watch them go and hears a noise, turning to see an Orc leaping down on him from the top of the pile

4:28 Mori heard the conversation of those orcs from something of a distance, but didn’t notice this one sneaking up behind him until he made an unfortunate crunch in preparing to leap on him.

Mori flips over the Orc's blow, draws an arrow and shoots him in the throat.

4:38 And while he is engaged in fighting the sneaky orc, he is totally aware of the other two returning and flanking him, just casually sticking his sword right out when they appear. What exactly are the limits or extent of Elf senses? How alert IS Mori in any given conflict?

He kills the other two Orcs as well. Dramatically sheathing his sword, he searches an Orc corpse, finding a folded up piece of cloth on one of them.

5:04 This is going to be a ridiculously contrived piece of incredibly useful intelligence, or a memento of home and family. I thought they were laying that stuff on a little thick with the Vietnamese soldier who had a girl back home in “We Were Soldiers”, but Vietnamese are at least human beings, even if their cause was not a hair better than that of Sauron or Hitler (which some might say makes them worse than orcs… ). I don’t know which I want to see less.

I guess I'd prefer intel, because the show is already more or less broken in that regard.

5:14 It’s a map. Oh, well.

Actually, not so much a map, as a landscape sketch of Eregion, from which we fade into an external shot of Eregion itself. A voiceover is heard from Celebrimbor as we fade in to see him in his workshop, staring at a metal blank.

5:21 “Ye Rings of Men, why do you still defy me?” Because you’re a pretentious weathervane, and Men don’t like that?

He wonders aloud, still staring a piece of metal the size & shape of a domino (Lunch idea!) accusing the metal of being too proud to yield to his skill. In the background, Mirdania looks somewhat concerned. He tosses it in disgust to what looks like a sweeping pile of metal scraps, from which a rat skitters away.

5:39 I wonder what that rat thinks he’s going to find in a pile of scrap metal? Or is it just there to represent pretentiousness corruption?

The other Elven smiths exchange glances and roll their eyes as Celebrimbor calls to try again, with more silver & mithril. Mirdania wearily states they are out and the Dwarves have not been making deliveries. Celebrimbor snaps at them and she raises concerns about his recent temper. None of the other Elves will meet his eye and he forgets Mirdania's name when he tries to address her, growing frustrated until Sauron comes in and sends the other Elves out for a break. Celebrimbor remembers Mirdania's name and notes he is forgetting other things, like the hammer he thought he left next him not long ago. Sauron points out that the hammer is right beside him, which it was not in a previous shot. Not that this is clear, unless you rewind and look for it.

Celebrimbor chuckles that his mind must be going. Sauron suggests he is working so hard and going so deep into his own mind that he is finding mundane dealings to be a distraction. Celebrimbor concurs that he is tired, but Sauron has come to inform him of a gathering of petitioners from the citizens of Eregion. Celebrimbor has no time for them, and Sauron points out he has responsibilities, but the Master Smith wants to concentrate exclusively on the Rings until the Nine are done. He gives Sauron a meaningful look and "Annatar" acquiesces. As he turns to go, Celebrimbor recalls the supply issue and asks him to look into it.

7:45 Elves do not experience senility. This apparent cognitive decline by Celebrimbor should be utterly alien, and terrifying to him, not something to chuckle over as an unlikely but not uncommon malady.

External shot of the courtyard in front of Celebrimbor's tower, where a small crowd has gathered before the door. The camera pans up and over a statue in the middle of the space, closing in to angle over and past the statue as Annatar comes to the top of the steps to address the crowd, leaving the head and upraised arm of the statue in the foreground of the frame.

9:15 They are zooming in on that statue like they really want us to take note of it. And why? Well, it’s a male figure holding up, and gazing at, a gem. This statue, from its placement, has to be something important or significant. The only conclusion is that this is supposed to be Feanor with a Silmaril. Feanor is the grandfather of Celebrimbor. His obsession with, and pursuit of the Silmarils is behind nearly every bad thing that anyone in their family has done. Celebrimbor himself had to repudiate the deeds of his own father, which included outright atrocities and murders done in pursuit of the Silmaril.

The Silmarils are the absolute bane of Celebrimbor’s family and the source of most of the evils done by Elves. The last thing he should have in front of his tower is a statue commemorating Feanor and his pride in the Silmarils! The emotions and relationship this statue depicts, are the very essence of the tragic flaw of their kindred. It's like Frodo erecting a statue of Bilbo cradling the One Ring covetously in his palm, or Faramir having a statue of Denethor peering into the palantir, and Boromir holding the One Ring on its chain from that scene on Caradhras. This is purely a case of sticking in a reference to the lore for no reason other than to do so.

Sauron announces that "the greatest of Elven smiths" is focusing entirely on his work and has deputized "Annatar" to handle the administrative stuff.

9:32 I note that Sauron characterized the gathering to Celebrimbor in such a way as to make him believe it was ordinary day-to-day stuff. He then took Celebrimbor's request to handle a single issue, the lack of supplies, as a mandate to take over the administration. This is fairly well depicted manipulation and bureaucratic power moves. However, this is how an ordinary person would manipulate his way into a political coup. This is not how Sauron goes about tricking Celebrimbor to make the Rings he needs for his plans. I am not talking about the lore, I am talking about character issues, priorities, preternatural plots and arcs versus mundane politics. All this is doing is distracting Sauron from his work, to no real gain, because Elves are not sheeple who mindlessly obey bureaucrats. If he tries to tyrannize Eregion in the name of Celebrimbor, he will be ousted in short order, or all the Elves will be departing for Lindon.

The guards present hesitate, Mirdania says to show him, and then she and the guards lead Sauron to the gatehouse, which they say has seen a noticeable drop-off in traffic. They sent troops down the road to see if something was blocking the way, and only one has returned. He is lying dead on a stretcher without arms or armor and his shirt open to reveal angular runes carved in his chest. He arrived washing up in the river. Sauron orders the body buried and not to let anyone see it. He tells Mirdania not to tell Celebrimbor because he has asked not to be disturbed. Mirdania is stricken at the thought that she & the other smiths have basically been fired, and worries that it was her tone with Celebrimbor. Affecting concern, Sauron counsels that Celebrimbor is suffering and leaving him alone is all they can do, aside from praying that he makes it to the finish line before crashing. He gets up close and personal and prevails upon her to sell this to the other smiths. As he leaves, Mirdania asks what the carving on the body said, and Sauron dramatically turns to tell her "Where is he?"

12:01 Tolkien would have said what alphabet the message was written in. It makes a difference, tells you a bit about who wrote it and to whom. If it was Elf runes, it says something about the intentions of those carving it. Was it orc letters, which might raise questions about what Sauron knows? Dwarf runes, to suggest that they have turned against Eregion, hence the mithril delay?

Based on stupid & uncreative writing rules, I suppose it’s supposed to be the Orcish equivalent of “Surrender Dorothy”.

Sauron goes up to the battlement to gaze out over the surrounding woods, where smoke from the fires of the Orcish army is visible above the trees. The music escalates, climaxing as we cut to a hand stabbing a utensil into a plate of vegetables. It's Adar in a crude Orc-built structure, at what seems to be a parody of a feast spread out, all roughly cut up meat and vegetables and loose fruit, as if picked wild. As the camera pans down the table, we see Galadriel sitting in what appears to be some discomfort or reluctance, in a chair at the opposite end of the table.

12:20 Is she tied to her chair? That’s kind of funny.

Adar says when he was her captive last season, she seemed obsessed with finding Sauron, which he thinks is a symptom of Sauron having got into one's head.

12:47 Okay, she’s not tied to the chair, but what are the logistics of this setup? Last episode, she had him at knifepoint and he said he wanted to ally with her, because they had a common enemy. So she just goes, “Okay,” and let him go, and then he tells her, “I have a feast laid out, no Orcs allowed, let’s talk over dinner.” So Galdriel’s all like, “I could eat...”

Galadriel is all "Nuh uh! You don't know me! You yielded to him, I resisted."

12:54 Galadriel tells Adar “You yielded to (Sauron), I resisted.” Bitch, he stabbed Sauron with his own crown, you let Sauron reverse psyche you into proclaiming him King of the Southlands, and then introduced him to the guy who is going to help him make his greatest weapons, and handed out his secret Elf-control devices to their leaders! If that is you resisting, what the Valar-loving FUCK does a world where you yielded look like?

Adar says she might have resisted for a time, but eventually Sauron gets to you, he makes you think you're powerful.

13:21 I will give Morfydd Clark this, the minimalistic facial expressions while Adar talks about how Sauron gets into your head really do look like someone hearing uncomfortably familiar truths. Of course, the writing and direction of her character thus far, makes such self-reflection completely unearned and out of left field.

And speaking of unearned, we have Adar. The show has already made a thing about Morgoth being the big bad guy and this is about Sauron’s rise to power from being his lieutenant. Adar’s backstory should have been utterly dominated by Morgoth. Sauron should be merely an upstart threat in his eyes, not the guy who haunts him with the memory of how he took control of Adar.

He continues talking about how it feels to have the illusion of power Sauron gives, how you're in "an ocean of color," compared to which everything after that is ... Galadriel finishes his sentence with "a dull gray"

13:45 And after Sauron has been in your head, everything else is “a dull gray” says Galadriel, apparently having a meeting of the minds with Adar.
A. Sauron is an addiction, and this has turned into a meeting of Sauron-addicts Anonymous.
B. Is it me, or have the only people with whom Galadriel has demonstrated any empathy or mutual understanding, been the arch-villains, Sauron and Adar?

Adar asks Galadriel what he promised her. She says an army. Despite her professed indifference, Adar tells her that Sauron promised him children. Galadriel says it looks like he granted both their wishes. Adar says this proves it isn't Sauron's lies that must be extinguished but him.

14:14 What does this mean? It's not Sauron's lies that must be extinguished, because he doesn't lie, he just makes you dependent on him? Eradicating his lies does no good, you have to get to the source? Did anyone need an explanation as to why Sauron is bad? Only if you go strictly by the show, which has not done a whole lot to set up his arch-villainy. In which case, this whole scene is an instance of telling the audience that Sauron is bad, and why, to make up for a lack of actually showing. Also, it fails, because it's just a lot of word salad with no clear meaning, that gives the audience the impression that something deep and meaningful is being said, letting them fill in the blanks themselves and then feeling smart about being able to "understand" all this profound dialogue.

Adar says he can help Galadriel destroy Sauron and she sneeringly questions what help he can provide, addressing him as "Orc." Adar corrects her, "Uruk."

14:28 We went over this LAST season, G-money! You don’t use the O-word! It’s a racial slur!

Adar graciously moves on, ignoring her bigotry, to open a box revealing the spiky crown from the season opener. He brings it toward Galadriel, who recoils in her chair as she identifies it as Morgoth's crown. Adar says that there have been many rumors about what happened to the crown after the Silmarils were removed, but he witnessed Sauron resizing the crown to fit his head. He describes the opening scene of the season as using its power to slay Sauron, placing the crown in the table.

Still holding herself away from the crown, Galadriel asks the (surprisingly relevant) question of how he returned, if Adar is telling the truth.

15:08 Those are some big, ugly, crude and entirely un-Elvish stiches that are connecting her sleeves to her shoulders.

Adar replies that he had not yet found Galadriel. When she asks how she is supposed to help, he cites the Rings.

15:23 It is said the Three Elven Rings saved the Elves from fading, according to Adar. Like this is gossip that has spread around the world so even the Orcs – Uruks – excuse me, I just saw “Am I Racist?” and I’m trying to be better – have heard about it. That was just days ago. If Adar heard about this from intelligence sources, or torturing Elvish captives, he should be phrasing this differently.

Adar thinks that if the Rings are for real, together, with the crown, they can do Sauron in for good. He says that while Sauron thinks he's safe from Adar, Adar knows he's in Eregion and suspects Galadriel knows for certain. She refuses to look at him, and he asks, rhetorically, "Halbrand is Sauron, isn't he?" He says that Eregion's fate depends on Galadriel getting over herself, if she even can.

16:11 “The fate of (Eregion) lies in your (Galadriel’s) ability to put aside your pride. I suggest you do so,” says Adar. I would be highly amused by this as yet another instance of someone taking Galadriel down a peg and telling her some much-needed truths this season, and in normal circumstances, I would assume they are dragging her through a humility arc kicking and screaming. But I also know that, canonically, Eregion gets destroyed. So maybe she can’t put aside her pride and it’s all her fault.

And this character is so horrible and obnoxious that I’m laughing at it and perversely enjoying it, but also, this is supposed to be fucking Galadriel. This goes beyond character assassination to a degree I can’t even articulate.

He shackles her arm to the chair and says they'll talk again.

16:31 Oh, NOW he’s locking her up.

Dramatic music as we zoom in on a golden dome in Numenor, and fly over to look down at a courtyard, with Nimloth, that looks a lot like the ledge at the top of Minas Tirith. Credit where it's due. This suggests that Minas Anor was constructed in memory of Armenelos. Ar-Pharazon is proclaiming "Outlawry" as we cut into a court scene. Elendil stands in the middle of a room, shabbily dressed as Ar-Pharazon stands in judgment and also apparently prosecuting, with Belzagar, Phara-son and Missildur standing with him. He continues accusing Elendil of inciting a "violent conflagration that led to loss of life" and "last but most odious, the crime of high treason." He dramatically points out they warrant the death penalty, and the room murmurs and robble-robbles, some calling for death, others demurring. Putting on the captions for a moment one person says "he doesn't deserve death," and a (woman) says "Well, maybe." Where are the Emmys for this dialogue? Ar-Pharazon says that due to his service Elendil will be set free... shouting, robbling ... and shouts down the crowd to place the condition that Elendil renounce his crimes and pledge "loyalty to Numenor's true ruler."

18:02 “I pledge my loyalty to Numenor’s true ruler” is just about the worst oath a controversial monarch can demand of a man of suspect loyalties. For what should be obvious reasons.

Belzagar asks if he renounces his crimes, Missildur looks concerned. He reluctantly says he does, she looks happy, but people in the crowd look sad. IDK if they are fanatical Faithful who really want him to own his crimes, or enemies who want him to die and are disappointed that we are halfway to getting him off with a warning. When asked if he accepts Ar-Pharazon as Numenor's true king, he hams up his reluctance, closing his eyes, looking down, and vibrating his lower lip like crazy.

18:34 Like, dude, if you’re so loyal to Miriel, you shouldn’t have any problem saying this, because it’s right in line with her orders.

It takes about 10 seconds of facial expressions before he says he does not. Ar-Pharazon smugly tells him to speak up for everyone to hear, he holds his head high and defiantly proclaims Numenor's true ruler is Miriel, and Ar-Pharazon is the only traitor here. He approaches, pointing at Ar-Pharazon, with his handcuffs up, until a couple of guards drag him out. Missildur & Ar-Pharazon don't look thrilled at this development. Phara-son asks what they are going to do with him now. Daddy snaps that HE has done quite enough. Belzagar comes up with a big book suggesting they go let the Valar decide his fate, saying that if the Faithful want to live by the old traditions, they can die by them, too. Missildur looks at the book and sees a stylized illustration of a man being thrown to the sea monster that decided not to eat Sauron in the first episode. You can recognize it by the face tentacles.

19:54 Okay, the old traditions of Numenor are to throw people to sea monsters. Sure, whatever. Also, sea monsters are a complete invention of this show, because there is no way Ulmo, Uinen & Osse were ever letting Morgoth get his hands on sea creatures to corrupt.

And this whole thing is clearly the most farcical of show trials. Elendil did nothing other than smacking a guy who was gratuitously insulting, after it has been established on the show that you can smack the queen herself. If they have the power to ramrod all this through, then why do they need to be concerned about executing him, and need to justify his execution by hoisting him on the petard of the traditions he allegedly claims to revere? Bear in mind, that Elendil has never said a word of his allegiance being to the Faithful in public. He has meekly acquiesced to the changeover of rulers and the discharging of the Sea Guard members. He even attempted to smooth over the closing of the shrine, until Phara-son was a total dick about it. Which Ar-Pharazon tacitly acknowledges by telling him he’s done enough.

Again, I don’t think these writers understand how monarchy works. People’s loyalties are not 100% along party lines and issues. You can adamantly disagree with a ruler’s policy and still believe they are the rightful heir to the throne. Insisting that Miriel is the rightful queen does not mean Elendil is one of the Faithful, actually, an argument could be made for the opposite, since it was Ar-Pharazon who claimed the throne because Eagle, and Elendil could be construed as saying "Screw the Valar, we're going by our laws of primogeniture."

But now it's Harfoot time. We get flashes of Nori screaming and dark imagery, and close up of Meteor Man opening his eyes. He and Big Irish Guy who calls himself Tom Bombadil are sitting in chairs in front of Tom's fire, apparently having closed their eyes to meditate. Meteor Man says he saw something, Tom says the Secret Fire whispers to us if we have ears to hear. Meteor Man worries whether or not what he saw is going to come true and Tom is not helpful. They use more words with retarded syntax and metaphors, but that's what they mean.

20:43 These lessons on the Secret Fire are seriously obnoxious. The Secret Fire is not the Force, it lies with Eru Iluvatar alone. When Gandalf says “I am a servant of the Secret Fire” that’s what he means. It’s a profession of faith and an invocation of divine protection. Yoda Bombadil’s lessons on the visions the Secret Fire sends make no sense in that context.

Big Yoda Bombadil gets up to put on his coat, saying Meteor Man has failed every trial he has faced so far, and that if he fails the next/current one, that's it. Meteor Man asks what he is supposed to do, and Big Yoda says to follow him and he'll show him.

21:06 Fuck it, I'm not even going to bother guessing how Meteor Man failed trials or try to parse them out of his actions so far. I just want to say that is the dullest version I can imagine of the "bright blue" Tom Bombadil’s jacket is supposed to be.

We see the masked goons riding off and in the desert Stoors town, Nori is talking to the Gund, asking why don't they leave. The Gund uses a lot more words than necessary to explain the concept of "I am very attached to this place" while also raising questions about the lifestyles and homemaking practices of the Stoors. They call their Hobbitholes Smials, right out of Tolkien! Nori then blames herself for the current troubles, saying it's her responsibility to get them out, and if she turns herself in, maybe it will save her BFF, Samantha Gamgee, who is currently giggling with the retarded Stoor who was the first one they met. In a scene transparently crafted to be "charming" she asks why he is called Nobody, and he says it's because he is secretly a former covert operative who can slaughter a busful of bratva thugs if provoked um, I mean, because of a clever ruse he used to evade the vengeance of a cyclops the rest of the Stoors are just as fucking retarded as he is.

They are very awkward as he attempts that "since we're about to be killed, do you really want to die a virgin" gambit, and clasp hands and kiss. The music says it's supposed to be sweet then there's a joke about him having bad breath.

23:43 Words cannot express my utter indifference toward this relationship between Samantha Gamgee and CSS Virigina.

Cut to a conversation between Nori & Samantha, who agrees it's their fault, for bringing the people hunting Meteor Man down on the Stoors. She reminds Nori that Nori believes Meteor is colossally important and surrendering might doom the world, but now Samantha has given in and accepted Nori's premise, so they should fight for it. They don't say what "it" is, but she is holding a stick and Nori also grasps the stick as a symbol of their commitment to fight for "it".

Big Yoda Bombadil takes Meteor Man up to the edge of a cliff and promises him all the nations of the world if Meteor Man will fall down and worship him they look out over a whole "field" of dried up trees from which Meteor Man can acquire a staff, as the Dark Wizard did before him. Speaking of whom, he is not in this episode, and we are now 3/4 of the way through the season, and the far and away best actor in the whole cast has had less screen time in the whole season, than these two clowns have in a single episode.

Big Yoda promises Meteor Man that when he is all in sync with the Secret Fire, he'll find the staff easy-peasy. Meteor Man does not comprehend this and goes on to whine about how many there are and how long it will take to look. Dumbass, he just explained how to find it, and it's not by looking.

Big Yoda is all "What's the hurry?" and Meteor Man says he's worried about his vision of Nori. Big Yoda's reaction is all "Ah, there he goes again," as Meteor Man explains that unless he soon finds Nori and Samantha Gamgee, they'll die.

Then the shitstains who call themselves showrunners have the audacity to make Big Yoda say "Many that die deserve life. Some that live deserve death. Who are you to give it to them?

25:56 Fuck you. Those are not your words. Do not try to argue that Meteor Man is Gandalf and he learned this idea from Tom Bombadil in the utterly wrong part of the world. Don’t take a line that Gandalf used to explain why it’s wrong to judge another for sparing a life, to argue that someone should not make an effort to save lives. And don’t try to cut-and-paste Yoda’s attempt to teach Luke not to claim responsibilities that are not his, at the cost of what is important to those he supposedly loves, into a completely different setting, where the ethos is different.

Gandalf was telling Frodo not to judge Bilbo for his act of mercy. He was NOT saying "don't kill people", because the books & movies both go on to show the heroes killing many, many people who are fighting them not out of malice or evil, and it's understood to be an ugly necessity. Gandalf is simply saying, don't pass judgments on who DESERVES to live and die. He is NOT saying don't try to save lives and don't kill. He is saying don't presume judge who SHOULD live and die. Meanwhile, Real Yoda is telling Luke not to rush off half-cocked, and not knowing what he is doing, because it is a trap that the Empire & Sith are setting for him, and that his actions will play into their hands. When he objects to the cost of sacrificing his friends, Yoda points out that they get a say too, and they have both put their lives on the line to stop the Empire, a choice Luke might be undermining. Most importantly, in Star Wars, this is a question, not a law. There is no hard answer to whether Luke is right or wrong. Yeah, he didn't accomplish anything, but he also didn't fall, despite the heavy duty ammo that Yoda & Ben knew Vader had to hit him with. It's not that Luke's love for his friends is bad, it's that people have different points of view on issues, that Ben & Yoda see it different, and despite their own history with a flawed ideology, they are very wise and experienced in the costs and perils of eschewing attachment and also have witnessed firsthand a Republic and the Jedi Order fall because a Skywalker could not respect the cause for which his loved one fought, and bulled ahead determined to save her no matter the cost. It's about being your best self, and respecting your friends as much as you love them, not about a firm rule. Contrarywise, Gandalf is warning about ultimate judgments that are well beyond any person's knowledge or paygrade, not against trying at all.

Big Yoda says that he can't take a break from his Jedi wizard training to rescue his friends, that he has to choose, here and now, whether to hook up with the Secret Fire or save his friends. Meteor Man whines that they are his friends, and Big Yoda says he has to choose between his friends and his destiny, while leaning hard on destiny, because of Sauron and the Dark Wizard rising and endangering everyone. Meteor Man looks out over the field of staff-trees, despairing at the scale of the task he has to complete before saving the wretches, and when he looks back, Big Yoda is gone.

26:39 Why do they need to appropriate Tom Bombadil as the one to present to Meteor Man the choice between duty and friendship? Just have some other voice of the writers be one, instead of ruining a book character to add weight to the bullshit verbiage largely appropriated from better works. Set aside that on shows like this, there is only one correct answer, instead of leaving it for the audience to decide who was right, as in Empire Strikes Back, we have interrupted Meteor Man & Big Yoda's scene to show the Harfoots choosing to stand up for Meteor Man even at the cost of the Stoor village.

And also, Nori and Samantha Gamgee and their people are so repellent on every level that the decision to go save them will only be tedious, instead of inspirational.

Back in Khazad-dum, there is a lot of mining going on. A wheelbarrow overflowing with treasure is dumped out in front of King Durin's throne, in a very careless manner, dripping gold coins everywhere as it trundles up.

27:38 I don't know what the point of that is, since the emphasis of this plotline has recently been about Durin's greed, which goes directly against the carelessness with which his minions are handling his treasure. I think it's supposed to convey excess.

Prince Durin trudges into the throne room, apparently in answer to his father's summons, only for King Durin to say "He" summoned the Prince and indicates off to the side, where Sauron enters, not-so-subtly pointing out how rich the Dwarves are due to the Rings, you're welcome. Prince Durin is suspicious that they are benefitting "Annatar" more, and Sauron goes on to warn that Eregion is under threat of attack and need the mithril to finish the Rings. He offers lumber in payment to help the expanded mining operations, or something more "precious" (emphasis not mine).

Prince Durin is opposed and wants to bend his dad's ear alone, but King Durin has made up his mind, and to his son's pleasant surprise, tells Sauron "no" and gives his regrets to Celebrimbor. Sauron looks sideways at a nearby brazier, and an image of a Balrog appears briefly in the flames. Sauron stares a bit before bidding them farewell and leaving. Prince Durin is grateful the King has regained his sanity, but King Durin says he's never been smarter, and reveals that his refusal was merely a bargaining ploy, and that when things get desperate they can charge even more. The Prince thinks he's crazy, but the King says that it's the world that's gone crazy, and he's going to profit from it, and orders the mining operation expanded.

Durin urges his father to take off the Ring, and he refuses, saying "It's mine, it belongs to me." He stops short of calling it his birthday present. His son says that he belongs to the Ring and asks him to prove otherwise by removing it. The King looks like he might, but gets mad at the question. The Prince tries to take it from him, but the Ring kind of chimes, and the King backhands his son, who goes flying across the room.

32:15 Dwarven Rings of Power now augment punches with kinetic energy so the target takes off, but they don't increase the power of the punch so that it causes injury to the person it hits and sends airborne. Good to know.

Durin is now talking with Disa, who contemplates a human shield ploy to block the mine, but Durin says the King will just send in the army. Disa says good, if he does that, it will spark a rebellion to depose him. Durin is appalled at her, and she replies that she loves his father as much as he does, not least because her own father sucks, but it's no longer King Durin on the throne, thanks to the Ring.

32:51 Remember, Disa is being played by a black actress, with the heavy implication her father was black as well. Diversity, FTW.

Durin weeps as Disa tries to convince him that the King is a threat to them all. Durin can't separate his father from the Ring-addled tyrant. Disa compliments his optimism, saying "Always have you seen the light at the end of the cave," but they have to act now to save Durin as much as the realm.

33:52 Dwarves are miners and tunnelers. Why would they not say “a light at the end of the tunnel?” If there are any issues with that saying, it might be in the expectation of light, because they are subterranean. If we needed to change that saying to fit the Dwarves, changing “tunnel” to “cave” makes no sense.

In Numenor, horns sound as Missildur informs Elendil in his cell of the manner of his execution, being thrown into the sea to face "Trial by Abyss" saying the sea worm is being summoned right now. She says that Ar-Pharazon doesn't want to antagonize the Faithful and is willing to grant mercy. William Wallace replies that if he swears to Longshanks, all that he is, is dead already. Err, I mean... Nah fuck it. Same thing. Missildur throws herself into his arms, saying that she can't lose him, on top of everything else their family has lost.

35:14 After everything Missildur lost, she is losing her father too, because of things entirely of her doing and that she brought to pass, without giving so much of a thought to what the outcome of her actions might be for her father. If anyone has to change, if anyone has to fix this, it’s she, not Elendil.

They embrace as she begs him to swallow his pride. Elendil says if she thinks this is only pride, they have nothing left to say. Missildur turns away, saying that Ar-Pharazon said he'd say that, and that Elendil's hatred of Ar-Pharazon has transferred to his daughter. So she groveled to get permission to fetch "her." After a dramatic pause, Miriel enters the cell, and Missildur guides her to Elendil. She orders him to bow to Ar-Pharazon, saying Numenor needs men like him, men of faith.

36:47 Miriel’s argument to get Elendil to give in is basically “Stop championing faith, we need you alive to champion faith.”

Yeah, no. Elendil ain't having any. His wife & son are dead, his daughter has betrayed everything he believes in, and his queen is a moron. Nothing to live for. But he has a tautology in response to Miriel.

36:50 “Faith is not faith if it is not lived.” I will be fascinated to hear how Hollywood hacks try to explain faith.

Basically, Elendil is utterly committed to Miriel being the rightful heir to the throne. She asks what if he's wrong, and he says he'd rather die being wrong, than live by selling out.

37:12 This is utter nonsense. Elendil and his family were Faithful to the Valar. The true heir to Numenor did not matter to them. Elendil spent the first 57 years of his life under a king who was the greatest enemy yet of the Faithful, but he was the rightful king, and it is through descent from that evil king that Miriel has a claim to the throne. Nobody martyrs themselves for the personal rights of a monarch who does not even claim the throne (or if they do, it is imprudent, intemperate and unjust and therefore, un-virtuous), they martyr themselves for a higher cause, or at least an earthly one that has at least a chance.

She says "When you die, it will be awful," and he replies that every man dies, not every man really lives. She says what about my heart, while weeping and he cups her face and says God will not refuse one who is so blithe to go to Him that if it's the will of the Valar that he be spared, he will be. She says, but what if they don't, and it sounds like we're getting close to snot. So they bump foreheads while Missildur watches from outside the bars. Because they are symbolically separating her from her father and his love. Get it?

37:46 And we’re shipping Miriel and Elendil. Get fucked, show. Do the writers even have a clue how this completely undermines any principle in Elendil’s stand and makes it all about his affections? Also, it makes him an asshole for choosing his crush over his family.

And while we're at it, this sort of thing would never fly with Tolkien. It's called tempting God, and it's a sin, which Jesus Himself specifically denounces, in the Gospel I alluded to in my snark about Big Yoda and Gandalf.

Elendil punctuates the scene by whispering “The Sea is Always Right.” Missildur looks down like she is as ready to give up on this as I am.

A Dwarf who looks like Narvi leads a crew carrying a large object through Khazad-dum and into the mines. They halt when they encounter Disa who turns dramatically to face them. Narvi asks her to move or be moved, apologetically.

38:35 Let me guess, Disa is going to sing the mines into collapsing.

She sings a long, loud note, while, with the edges of her cloak wrapped around her arms, whipping it dramatically. She stops and Narvi, confused, asks her a set up line and she gives a dramatic response, and a swarm of bats comes flying down a shaft over her head, and fly at Narvi and friends, who flee in dismay.

39:35 My thing would have been stupid, because it would only delay their work. This is even worse. They’re freaking bats. Dwarves usually need something on the scale of dragons to dislodge them, they don’t give way to freaking bats.

As the bats disappear behind the Dwarf establishment lackies, Durin emerges from a side passage. He watches them go and turns to regard his wife.

35:45 That look seems like Durin is stunned that calling down bats actually worked. But it’s probably supposed to be awe at her power.

Yeah, he acts like she is lying wounded in the doorway of a shield generator bunker, concealing a blaster from approaching stormtroopers. Disa has no time for compliments, because she notes, the Kings Dwarves will be back and there will be more of them.

40:01 First Big Yoda Bombadil, and now Disa is channeling Obi-Wan. “The Dwarven miners are easily startled, but they’ll soon be back, and in greater numbers.”

He says “Then we’ll be ready, hefting his ax smugly, while Disa smiles conspiratorially at him.

40:04 Durin’s issue has to do with the King being in thrall to the Ring and acting out of greed. I don’t see any way this justifies anything he might do with that axe to these miners.

Back on Numenor, the horns are still going, and the named characters are all assembled around what looks like tidal pool in the coastal rocks. Elendil is led in and Ar-Pharazon turns to ask a ceremonial question.

40:40 So they publicly ask Elendil if he forsakes all earthly authority and accepts the judgment of the Valar.
A. What if he says “no”? Then what? This is their idea, attempting to divest themselves of the blame for his execution, he has no established motive to acquiesce.
B. When you forsake all earthy authority, it means you give up power. He is a prisoner without any earthly authority to forsake.
C. If they mean reject all earthly authority, his position to this point is that he is adhering to Miriel as the earthly authority, so why would he do that now when he would not before?
D. I THINK what they mean here is that they cast him out beyond the power of earthly authority and deliver him entirely to the judgment of the Valar. This way, his imminent death is not their fault, and the Faithful who, according to Elendil, have the potential to overthrow Ar-Pharazon’s regime, have no excuse to bitch, because it’s their precious Valar who killed him.

HOWEVER, as depicted so far, the Faithful are a personality cult loyal to Miriel over and above all other things. They have barely mentioned the Elves in Numenor this season. Meanwhile, it is Ar-Pharazon who stepped up to coopt the Eagle as a symbol and claim a mandate from the Valar.

Basically, nothing here makes sense, and they are leaning heavily on the lore they have heretofore mangled beyond recognition.

Elendil glares at Ar-Pharazon before turning to face That Which Is Always Right and announcing that he accepts their judgment. Ar-Pharazon orders him thrown in, and Missildur looks sad as they remove his chains.

41:03 He’s glaring at Missildur like “As soon as I pass this trial, I am getting someone pregnant with Anarion and giving him your spot on the ship to Middle Earth when the island sinks.”

Elendil pauses at the edge of the water, and the guards make no motion to throw him in, nor does he seem to be jumping, and it feels like Cynthia Addai-Robinson forgot her cue, until Miriel shouts “Release him” from off screen. Everyone turns as she says that since he was doing everything in her name, she has the right to take his place. She slowly inches her way forward, blindly.

41:36 Since they are reminding us that she is blind, how the hell is she able to get around places and disrupt the political process like this? Shouldn’t she be under surveillance? Missildur implied in the last scene that she needed permission to get access to Miriel to get her to talk to Elendil. This would indicate her person is under guard. Why didn’t her guards check with Ar-Pharazon before bringing her here?

While some in the crowd murmur objections or agreement, Elendil steps forward to take her hand .. and guide her forward, like “I’m ostensibly arguing with her action, but subtly supporting her taking my place on the chopping block” … And Missildur asserts that this is all in the rules, and Ar-Pharazon has to let Miriel do it. Ar-Pharazon isn’t a complete idiot to trust this woman, who hates Miriel and apparently still loves Elendil, to interpret a law that conveniently will kill the former to spare the latter, so he asks Belzagar for confirmation, which the lord, still clutching the book, reluctantly provides. Ar-Pharazon orders it to happen. Elendil only now speaks up saying “No, take me! I am the Long Rifle. My death with be a great honor to the Huron people!” Miriel says if they are going to walk the path of the Faithful, she has to be the one to take the first step. She feels his face, before the guards intervene to prevent better movies from leaking into the script again, and yank him to the side, while providing disability aid to get her to pool of execution.

42:17 And basically, they’re stealing the leadership of the Faithful from Elendil’s family and making Miriel the hero of the story.

This will probably explain why Ar-Pharazon would find it necessary to marry her. On the other hand, how can he get away with forcing her to marry him after the Valar judge her innocent?

The camera is more concerned with Elendil’s reaction to Miriel’s sacrifice than anything she might be thinking or feeling, or any steeling of nerve she might experience in putting her life on the line for her True Love beliefs. Miriel is slowly led down a set of stairs that parallel the rim of the pool, instead of being just shoved off at the top, which would have the same result, just get us out of here faster.

The water surges up to the rim of the pool, and then Miriel is yanked under by a tentacle. It lets her go and she floats in the middle of the water

43:52 I wonder if she’ll come back with her sight restored?

The sea monster begins having a staring contest with Miriel, before it realizes she can’t see how scary it is and roars its frustration.

Up on shore, they see the water surging and sloshing in the pool. The water calms, and Elendil looks downcast. Belzagar starts to announce the verdict, saying “The Valar have found her…” when the pool erupts, depositing Miriel on the steps, and he is forced to finish with “… innocent.”

44:38 Should have been quicker with the gavel, Belzagar. But, I guess, props for integrity in upholding the process. He didn’t HAVE to affirm her innocence.

Everyone cheers as Elendil rushes to check on her. Ar-Pharazon glares at Belzagar, who shoots him an annoyed look like “What did you want me to say?”

44:50 Okay, Belzagar, you could have tried to spin this as the Sea rejecting her or something. I notice they didn’t actually state the terms of the trial, so you could just say the results mean anything you want, short of her levitating up or walking on the water. Heck, even if she rose out of the water riding the sea monster, you could call it proof of Elvish sorcery and have her shot. And Ar-Pharazon, if you wanted this done better, you should have taken charge, as the king. For now…

Speaking of which, now what? Does this mean it’s open season on Phara-son, since punching him is not a crime? Is Miriel restored to the throne? Why does having an Eagle theoretically on his side make Ar-Pharazon king, but having a sea monster on her side not make Miriel queen? Is the Sea always right, or the Sky?

Elendil helps Miriel to her feet, and loudly hails “Tar-Miriel, Queen of the Sea!” to the cheers of the crowd.

45:06 By the way she is standing, I guess that’s a No on the question of a miracle cure for blindness. Probably just as well, don’t want to be greedy. But am I the only one laughing at how the Queen of the Sea can’t See?

Ar-Pharazon fumes, as Elendil leads Tar-Miriel off through the crowd, which is suggested to be on their side now. Fade to the palantir, which Ar-Pharazon touches and it makes cracking noises. Cracking imagery appears in it and around it, before the image turns to fire under his hand. He stares into it and suddenly, Sauron, in his Halbrand look, rather than the Annatar semblance he is currently using, looks over his shoulder at the camera. Ar-Pharazon pulls his hand away and pants.

Galadriel says, in voiceover, “Yes, Halbrand is Sauron,” before the scene changes.

45:56 So we’re not going to bother with the new political situation, and we’re going back to Galadriel and Adar.

Galadriel is apparently telling Adar what Sauron is up to, saying “He is in Eregion to craft Rings that will allow him to dominate my kind.”

45:59 Galadriel, sweetie, if this is the case, you want to explain exactly what you were doing in the first couple episodes this season?

She adds to Adar, “And yours.” Adar comments, “Every kind in Middle-Earth.”

46:02 He’s going to be making Rings for Uruks, too? I can’t even begin to guess how the application of Tolkien’s lore would give you the number and powers of the Orcish Rings. Because Sauron automatically dominates the Orcs, without Rings. That’s kind of the point, to make Men, Dwarves and Elves serve him as the Orcs do.

Also, as is always the case with people who make a fuss about racism and slurs, they are really only concerned with their own kind. We have heard nothing about Sauron’s plans to dominate the Ents or Harfoots or Trolls or Giants or Beornlings. But to a racist like Adar, Elves, and their kin, the Orcs, are “every kind in Middle Earth.”

Asshole.

Galadriel goes on to say that Sauron will stick around in Eregion until he’s done with the Rings, which “will give us a momentary advantage.” Adar takes note of the “Us” and unlocks her wrist shackle at her, let’s be nice and call it, request. She tells him Elrond is on the way with an army and her Ring. She goes on to say that once he arrives, he will rescue Celebrimbor and then she and Adar will wipe out Sauron for good. Adar asks “what then?” and our delightfully and surprisingly consistently solipsistic Galadriel starts talking about destroying all the Rings and things that matter to her, but Adar is more concerned with the future of the Orcs (screw him, I ain’t playing his race card games).

Adar wants to know if they will be allowed to go home in peace, or will Gil-Galad continue with the plans to invade Mordor. He accuses all the Elves of being corrupted and that their attempts to prove their goodness will work to Sauron’s plans. Galadriel accuses him of lying to trick her into revealing something.

47:46 Dumbass, you just told him all about the Elven army coming this way, along with its commander’s identity, his course of action, and that they will have a Ring. This is the sort of thing that it is generally considered treachery to reveal, and there was no trickery involved. Adar’s questions about Gil-Galad’s post battle intentions are perfectly standard diplomacy! That is something that he would naturally want to know, which it is not an underhanded ploy to ask of the person who is more or less negotiating on behalf of the Elven kingdom.

Adar tells her he already got more than he hoped to learn from her. Her expression is of a toddler who just heard bad news and is about to stamp her feet and cry. Adar emerges from his shelter to a crowd of Orcs jostling one another as they prepare for war, calling them to action. Galadriel follows telling him that Eregion may be entirely behind Sauron and he’ll need more than a single legion of his children to besiege it. She follows Adar up a stair in the hillside as he asks if she really thinks these are all the troops he brought? They are looking down at a forest full of fires.

48:35 This show really sucks at world-building. This is the first time they have so much as hinted at the Orcs being organized into regular bodies of troops, or that an Orc legion is a fixed number. We have no clue what that number is, or how a few dozen torches in the woods indicate more than one legion, let alone how many there are. Like, we don’t see enough torches for an IRL company, let alone a legion (which ranged from the size of a regiment to a division).

In the smug tone of one revealing the scam he has just pulled, Adar tells Galadriel, that now that she has confirmed Sauron’s identity for sure and told him where to find her Ring, he’s going to take out Eregion and Sauron by himself. Presumably without regard for collateral Elf damage, and by stealing the Ring from Elrond, again, without worrying about minimizing Elf casualties.

Galadriel responds by saying this must be what Sauron wants. That, lacking an army of his own, he has lured Adar up here to attack the Elves for him. Adar is done with her and orders her to be bound, because she will be useful later.

49:18 This sounds like a desperate ploy on Galadriel’s part to trick Adar into not massacring Eregion. It’s only the knowledge of how writers work and who their favorite is on this show, that lets me think that she is correct, rather than Galadriel rationalizing her previous failures and trying to convince someone else that doing what she wants is the smart thing.

The Orcs drag her off as she pleads with Adar not to be a fool and take Sauron’s lure. Adar responds that he will make Sauron choke on it, and she screams at him. She keeps yelling that it is what he wants as she is dragged away. Adar reaches for a horn, which a nearby Orc holds, and hesitates to hand over. He snatches it and walks away to sound it.

49:49 That Orc who was reluctant to hand over Adar’s horn is the guy who opened Galadriel’s cage, and I think he was the guy in the first episode, who didn’t want to go to war, and had an Orc-wife and baby Orc. He just knows this isn’t right, damnit.

The camera pans over the Orc camps to Eregion and then we see Orcs dragging siege engines forward and keep zooming to Eregion, where the Elves on the walls are alarmed and start preparations for defense. Focus in on Sauron, watching impassively before drawing a knife across his hand.

Cut to a piece of paper, on which Celebrimbor is drawing Rings. He looks up from his desk, hearing a faint commotion and starts to open the door, when Sauron shuts it and asks how he is progressing. Celebrimbor says he thought he heard a siege alarm, but Sauron tells him everything is fine. He tries to block Celebrimbor from leaving, telling him he belongs in the workshop. It seems very suspicious and Celebrimbor ain’t having any, and pushes past Sauron toward the door. Sauron grabs his arm (with the hand he had just been seen cutting) and Celebrimbor demands he let go. As he walks off, Sauron calls after him that if he leaves the tower now, everyone, living or dead, spirit or flesh will know it was Celebrimbor “who was the architect of their demise.” (I don’t think the writers know what an architect is). He shouts they still have Nine Rings to forge, as Celebrimbor leaves. Sauron closes his eyes and moves his head while we hear spooky sounds. Then he gives a start, and we cut to Celebrimbor opening the doors into broad daylight. It’s a happy scene with children running in slow motion and artists doing art in the courtyard.

Celebrimbor is relieved, and Sauron comes out, chatting about his own failures as a smith, while carrying Celebrimbor’s little hammer behind his back (casually, not like he’s hiding it), telling him he came not for the Valar, but because he needed Celebrimbor to complete his work. Celebrimbor fusses about not having mithril, and Sauron procures a jar he says has mithril refined to powder by Narvi. Celebrimbor opens it and I guess that’s what he sees in there. Sauron says it’s enough for Nine Rings and urges him to get back to work, promising on his knowledge as an immortal being that when the Rings are done the histories will make them out to be a much bigger deal than the Silmarils. He looks at the statue mentioned previously, basically confirming my speculation that’s what it depicted. Sauron tells Celebrimbor that his Rings “will be the most… precious…creations in all Middle-Earth.”

55:01 Guys, guys, he called the Rings “precious”! It’s a reference!

He keeps urging Celebrimbor not to quit and hands him the hammer, saying to use it to best Feanor and himself, one last time. LAST. Celebrimbor looks overwhelmed and heads back inside. Sauron watches the door close and looks around at the happy scene as the illusion dissipates and the same people are running around in panic in the dark as the enemy draws near. Sauron looks rather smug.

Sauron goes to a window and now the camera flies back out the way it came in, to the Orcs with the siege engines. They light the payloads of catapults, while Adar watches and Galadriel tugs futilely at her arm shackle. The flaming missile begin to hit Eregion. Credits.

This whole arc with Galadriel is kind of coherent and consistent that she is completely arrogant and blinded by her enmity with Sauron and turns to allies she should not sign on with, under any circumstances and is now learning the depths of her folly. But it never quite FEELS like the show is aware of that. It really comes across, especially with all the humanization of Adar, and that One Nice Orc, like these are just another people who have a chance to make peace with the rest of the Free People, but somehow it's all going to go to shit as part of the grand tragedy they are depicting. Like they think Galadriel is a well-meaning good faith actor in all this, and this season Adar is the latest asshole man who means well, but isn't listening to her. Most of the stuff Elrond says to her this season is dead on balls accurate, but I feel like the show believes he is being a supercilious and sanctimonious douchenozzle.

Even if the Galadriel plot is written okay this year, it's hard to believe that the intended story is going so well, when these are the same chucklefucks making a hash out of the Numenor and Khazad-dum plots, or boring me to tears with Meteor Man and the Not-Hobbits. I think it's just an accident, like how on Game of Thrones, if you picked through the wreckage of the later seasons, Cersei becomes a good guy in between Blackwater and "I choose violence!" Or the way WoT didn't seem to realize that the Children of the Light were the unqualified, unironic heroes of the Season 2 finale. The fact that the show can't seem to make up its mind about the Elven Rings from one episode to the next, or come out and say exactly what Galadriel's opinion of them is, argues, IMO, that the arc I am seeing is an accident.

Oh, and glancing back over my notes, WTF was up with that scene of Mori in the beginning? What was the point? Where are they going? Is this to set up his arrival like a one-Elf cavalry to the rescue?

And Celebrimbor and Sauron basically flip positions on what Celebrimbor should be prioritizing by the end of the episode.