It's the first such since entering retirement. One might suspect having time on my hands that is not filled with work would make it worse.

It doesn't.

Loss is loss, whether you are busy or not. I can wish Laurel was still here to spend my retirement years with me. But she isn't. And she won't. Those are the irrefutable facts.

So suck it up, Mook. I still have family and friends who love me. I still have this message board, which in its two iterations has been such a big part of my life.

As I told my brother, the silver lining to the cloud of retiring alone is if I want to go take a nap, there's no one to say, "oh no you don't! You have too many things to do!"

It's a small silver lining, but we take what we can.

I will be getting lunch with my daughter in an hour or so and we will raise a glass of champagne, Laurel's favorite, in her memory. Maybe more than one. We do this every year on this day and it's a big comfort.

I will always love you and miss you, Pookie. But life goes on, and so do I.