This place was a community well before internet communities were a thing. You're grieving. We are here to (at the very least) be someone to listen.

And this isn't that embarrassing. If you want that, I could tell you the story of one time when I was in college...I was in a touring choir. Well we were walking up on stage (I was the last one in the line, since I sing bass and the first song started with a quartet). On the way up the stairs, I fell...going up the stairs...and ripped my pants. And not a subtle rip....like from waist band in the back, and the way around to the bottom of the zipper. At least I had underwear on (red).

I then had to recover from that (and the whole choir/orchestra's laughter) to then introduce us. There were 6,000 people in attendance.

That was embarrassing.

~Jeordam