Journal: Entry for The_Muted_Grimaud
Went about as well as I thought it would ...
Author: The_Muted_Grimaud Send a noteboard
Posted: 02/06/2012 03:44:07 AM
Views: 2449
So ... told my roommate yesterday that I was moving out in August. He has a hard time dealing with anger and sadness, and just things that don't go his way, so I knew he'd be pissed. Of course the timing couldn't of been worse.
He came home from work last night, and out of the blue, said something like ... "I found this great 2 bedroom apartment for 1150$, you interested?". Completely out of the blue, he has never talked about moving out of our current place in 3 years. Of course I had to respond with, "actually ... I'm moving to Forest Hills in August."
So yeah, that timing was terrible. How was I to know he had already started looking for apartments for us together ... like we're lovers or something.
His response, after asking when I was going to tell him (I answered, "today." because yesterday was when I was planning to tell him.) He said "fuck you." and hasn't spoken to me since.
Strangely, I figured it would work out this way. I'm quite happy he isn't getting violent or anything, when he used to get pissed at his ex-girlfriend he would throw and smash things in his room (his door is basically completely destroyed). So ... maybe working out a bit better than I thought, to be honest.
Did I handle it wrong. I felt like I wanted to make sure I found the place and had it before I told people here, in case my credit caused me to be declined or something. That would be awkward (oh I'm moving out .... never mind my credit sucks.) That and the move in date being August 1st, he's got plenty of time to figure out what he's going to do, I'm not screwing him over.
Gosh, why did he think we were in such perfect harmony. I rarely talk to him, go out with him to the bar, go to his gigs or shit, (he rarely comes to my things either). I mean, I'd like to think my aloofness and very purposeful attempt to show how little I care about the apartment/him would have put the writing on the wall as far as where we are. I just don't like being around him all the time, we were much better friends when we only saw each other a few times a month. He just doesn't see that. I mean, we're just not in the same place at all mentally, our morals, our goals, our values ... we're very different people, and not in the opposites attract type of sense.
I guess it is just me being an introvert and never really expressing everything. Perhaps this friendship is over now.
He came home from work last night, and out of the blue, said something like ... "I found this great 2 bedroom apartment for 1150$, you interested?". Completely out of the blue, he has never talked about moving out of our current place in 3 years. Of course I had to respond with, "actually ... I'm moving to Forest Hills in August."
So yeah, that timing was terrible. How was I to know he had already started looking for apartments for us together ... like we're lovers or something.
His response, after asking when I was going to tell him (I answered, "today." because yesterday was when I was planning to tell him.) He said "fuck you." and hasn't spoken to me since. Strangely, I figured it would work out this way. I'm quite happy he isn't getting violent or anything, when he used to get pissed at his ex-girlfriend he would throw and smash things in his room (his door is basically completely destroyed). So ... maybe working out a bit better than I thought, to be honest.
Did I handle it wrong. I felt like I wanted to make sure I found the place and had it before I told people here, in case my credit caused me to be declined or something. That would be awkward (oh I'm moving out .... never mind my credit sucks.) That and the move in date being August 1st, he's got plenty of time to figure out what he's going to do, I'm not screwing him over.
Gosh, why did he think we were in such perfect harmony. I rarely talk to him, go out with him to the bar, go to his gigs or shit, (he rarely comes to my things either). I mean, I'd like to think my aloofness and very purposeful attempt to show how little I care about the apartment/him would have put the writing on the wall as far as where we are. I just don't like being around him all the time, we were much better friends when we only saw each other a few times a month. He just doesn't see that. I mean, we're just not in the same place at all mentally, our morals, our goals, our values ... we're very different people, and not in the opposites attract type of sense.
I guess it is just me being an introvert and never really expressing everything. Perhaps this friendship is over now.
I don't think you did anything wrong
You could have told him you were looking to move out earlier, but I don't think you needed to. It sounds like he would have taken it poorly no matter what you did.
Also, I find his relationship with you a little odd
one-sided bromance?
Also, I find his relationship with you a little odd
one-sided bromance?
so, i remember your previous entries about this guy.
he seems a little unbalanced with the rage, to say the least. i'm happy you're getting out of that situation. it doesn't sound like you are even remotely "friends" or anything like that. i wouldn't worry about him. move on. enjoy your new place!
It was a bit of a one-sided bromance ... now more like ships passing in the night.
Of course we pass in the night quite a bit since we live 20 feet from each other. Monday's are going to be particularly awful because we both have the day off, and we're both the type to spend the bulk of such a day hanging out at home.
He definitely doesn't handle things not going his way well. Never has. It used to be me, him, his girlfriend, and a fourth friend, and it sort of worked then because all of his general anger/depression/irritation ended up being hurtled straight at her and me and the fourth were spectators to their rather monstrous fights. Which wasn't much fun either, actually ...
Of course, she moved out (finally, after 7-8 years of dealing with his problems somehow ... ), and shortly after she moved out, he got into a huge fight with the 'fourth' roommate, and they're on frosty terms, and now me and him are on no-talk terms apparently, and the girl who replaced his girlfriend (a stranger, not a new girlfriend), is only here a few hours a day and rarely ever sees any of us. This apartment is so freaky to live in right now. 4 people who all keep to their rooms and rarely talk to each other. At least 'new girl' is friendly, on the occasions I see her.
He definitely doesn't handle things not going his way well. Never has. It used to be me, him, his girlfriend, and a fourth friend, and it sort of worked then because all of his general anger/depression/irritation ended up being hurtled straight at her and me and the fourth were spectators to their rather monstrous fights. Which wasn't much fun either, actually ...
Of course, she moved out (finally, after 7-8 years of dealing with his problems somehow ... ), and shortly after she moved out, he got into a huge fight with the 'fourth' roommate, and they're on frosty terms, and now me and him are on no-talk terms apparently, and the girl who replaced his girlfriend (a stranger, not a new girlfriend), is only here a few hours a day and rarely ever sees any of us. This apartment is so freaky to live in right now. 4 people who all keep to their rooms and rarely talk to each other. At least 'new girl' is friendly, on the occasions I see her.
We had our first remotely positive interaction ...
I got the vibe that he's prepared to let the friendship die. Perhaps its already dead to him. He didn't really speak to me, just to me via another roommate. But no external anger at least.
dude! that guy is so going to isolate himself from everyone he ever interacts with at that rate...
that's impressively nutty. women (and i have done this myself) can have a tendency to stick out some pretty shit-tastic relationships for way too long for reasons that aren't really reasons, more like fear that we'll be alone forever having been there and done that and gotten out of it, i'm sure ex-gf is way, way waaaaay happier now. much as i'm sure you'll be way happier when you get out of that crazy situation. that roommate of yours needs some freaking help, man.
having been there and done that and gotten out of it, i'm sure ex-gf is way, way waaaaay happier now. much as i'm sure you'll be way happier when you get out of that crazy situation. that roommate of yours needs some freaking help, man.
You know, it sounds like he needs a little ... sympathy?
I don't think you necessarily did anything wrong, but I do not have rage problems, and I'd be annoyed if I found out my roommate wasn't planning on sticking with our current plan, but hadn't bothered to tell me until it was decided. I mean, how long did it take you to sort everything out? It's not a snap.
I would probably make the effort to reach out slightly, though you don't have an obligation to. It just seems to me that of the two of you, you're more able to act rationally and see the situation for what it is, which kinda puts you on the lower moral ground. If you simply want to end the friendship, I'd say you're on the right track, but if you want to end it (still possible) amicably, it'll have to be you who says something. Something like, "hey, that might have seemed pretty abrupt, but I was worried that I wouldn't get approval, etc. I'm sorry for not having let you know that I wanted my own place."
I have no idea if you want to smooth this over, and maybe saying something might make it worse. You're the only person who can guess that. I'm just observing objectively, since it seems like it is bothering you.
I would probably make the effort to reach out slightly, though you don't have an obligation to. It just seems to me that of the two of you, you're more able to act rationally and see the situation for what it is, which kinda puts you on the lower moral ground. If you simply want to end the friendship, I'd say you're on the right track, but if you want to end it (still possible) amicably, it'll have to be you who says something. Something like, "hey, that might have seemed pretty abrupt, but I was worried that I wouldn't get approval, etc. I'm sorry for not having let you know that I wanted my own place."
I have no idea if you want to smooth this over, and maybe saying something might make it worse. You're the only person who can guess that. I'm just observing objectively, since it seems like it is bothering you.
Things are settling down ...
I think it started when I began talking about buying new furniture with another of our roommates. Don't ask me why that was the impetus for anything, but it was. Actually getting a new couch bed today supposedly. We're back to normal friendly status for the time it seems.
I think what bothered him most is his breakup with his girlfriend. Kind of strange, he spent the last year lobbying for her to move out, when she finally does he gets really upset that she starts moving on with her life. I don't know. He seems to be accepting the sudden changes that are coming this summer, which is good.
I think what bothered him most is his breakup with his girlfriend. Kind of strange, he spent the last year lobbying for her to move out, when she finally does he gets really upset that she starts moving on with her life. I don't know. He seems to be accepting the sudden changes that are coming this summer, which is good.