Journal: Entry for Amys
which is in Taurus. Go Bulls!
Work is a sham
Life is a sham
Relationships are a sham
Delusions abound encasing the world in misery. An endless cycle; what's the point? There will always be. . .
something. I used to dream of peace. Not external, but internal. The space in which the inner and outer are seen as one. That the spontaneity of possibilities would dance and manifest whatever is needful in the moment.
I am lazy. I am tired. I am unsure.
Those are all thoughts drenched in the stench of ego. The beast that says "I am." But what really is?
A set of electrical charges that fire in the brain. A perception of reality based on what is filter by small portions of the brain in relation to previous experience and what is "known".
Knowing that when I interact with someone I will never genuinely know how they feel. I can think I do based on judgments of their experiences, then categorizing then with what I have experienced and deem a proper comparison.
Such is this level of experience.
Another year of long distance. Only having faith that I'm not wasting my time. Another year of trying to pay everything off. Another year of making pretenses about going to school. Another year of sort of practicing my love. Another year of trying to make everything work.
And that is all after this academic year.
Oneself is the only means. And aiding others is the only way. Seeing beyond the delusions and habitual patterns and seeing with pure view what is displayed before one's senses, that is the only practice.
But god damn.
Isn't it enough already? Haven't we all suffered enough already?
Work is a sham
Life is a sham
Relationships are a sham
Delusions abound encasing the world in misery. An endless cycle; what's the point? There will always be. . .
something. I used to dream of peace. Not external, but internal. The space in which the inner and outer are seen as one. That the spontaneity of possibilities would dance and manifest whatever is needful in the moment.
I am lazy. I am tired. I am unsure.
Those are all thoughts drenched in the stench of ego. The beast that says "I am." But what really is?
A set of electrical charges that fire in the brain. A perception of reality based on what is filter by small portions of the brain in relation to previous experience and what is "known".
Knowing that when I interact with someone I will never genuinely know how they feel. I can think I do based on judgments of their experiences, then categorizing then with what I have experienced and deem a proper comparison.
Such is this level of experience.
Another year of long distance. Only having faith that I'm not wasting my time. Another year of trying to pay everything off. Another year of making pretenses about going to school. Another year of sort of practicing my love. Another year of trying to make everything work.
And that is all after this academic year.
Oneself is the only means. And aiding others is the only way. Seeing beyond the delusions and habitual patterns and seeing with pure view what is displayed before one's senses, that is the only practice.
But god damn.
Isn't it enough already? Haven't we all suffered enough already?
