Before introducing 4th Edition, the members of the errata group thought it important to correct several fundamental issues that have caused ongoing problems in 3rd Edition. This final 3rd Edition errata document attempts to rectify those problems and also aims to increase accessibility to new players unfamiliar with Dungeons & Dragons but who are familiar with other games and cultural phenomena.

Player's Handbook

Page 5 – Dice [Substitution]
Replace all text with "Unlike many games, Dungeons & Dragons does not use dice. Instead, it employs a core mechanic of paper-rock-scissors. Whenever conflict arises (or when a dice expression appears, such as 1d6+1), instead play a game of paper-rock-scissors with your DM to determine the outcome."

Page 7-8 – Ability Scores [Revision/Deletion]
Change "roll four six-sided dice (4d6)" to "roll three six-sided dice (3d6)" and delete second sentence. Also, remove all text on page 8 under the "Rerolling" header.

Page 16-17 – Gnomes [Transposition]
Remove all text related to gnomes from these pages. Place text on page 131 of the Monster Manual... where the gnome belongs. (It was something you said...)

Page 27 – Bard Spells per Day [Transposition]
Remove spell progression and place on page 52 in place of Sorcerer's spell progression.

Page 52 – Sorcerer Spells per Day [Transposition]
Remove all spell progression and place on page 27 in place of Bard's spell progression.

Page 52 - Familiars [Deletion/Addition]
Delete owl from the table of familiars and add the following table:
Owl Familiar Special
Barn +3 Spot; delivers mail
Eagle +3 Spot; delivers mail
Great +3 Spot; delivers mail
Snowy +3 Spot; delivers mail
Screech +3 Spot; delivers mail
Tawny +3 Spot; delivers mail

Page 71-72 – Diplomacy [Substitution]
Replace text with "Roll for initiative."

Page 74 – Forgery [Substitution]
Replace text with "You actually trained in this skill? Well, roll for initiative."

Page 74 – Gather Information [Substitution]
Replace text with "Roll for initiative."

Page 81 – Sense Motive [Substitution]
Replace text with "Roll for initiative."

Page 89 – New Feat [Addition]
Add the following feat:
Captain's Two-Fisted Hammer of Death
You know how to slam your fist into reptilian humanoids with deadly force.
Prerequisite: Must be a captain.
Benefit: When you perform an unarmed attack against a reptilian humanoid, you automatically score a critical hit and win the affection of a nearby hottie.

Page 99 – New Feat [Addition]
Add the following feat:
Prepared for Anything
You are proficient with a towel. You always have a towel with you.
Prerequisite: Your character must be in the Spelljammer setting.
Benefit: You are able to use a towel for any of the following:
1. Keep your head warm while traveling the moons of Jaglan Beta.
2. Lie on the beautiful beaches of Santraginus V.
3. Sleep in the deserts of Kakrafoon.
4. Create a sail and ride a mini-raft on the rivers of Moth.
5. Use it in unarmed combat.
6. Protect yourself from the awful fumes of a Bugblatter Beast.
7. Wave the towel as a distress signal.
8. Dry yourself off.

Page 98 - Coins [Addition]
Add "electrum pieces" to economy. Table 7-2: Coins reads as follows:
Electrum piece (ep) = 2666.6 CP, 266.6 SP, 26.6 GP, 2.6 PP.

Page 123 – Table 7—6 Armor and Shields [Addition]
Under "Light armor," add:
Chainmail Bikini/Mankini
Cost: 50 gp
Armor/Shield Bonus: +3
Maximum Dex Bonus: +6
Armor Check Penalty: -1
Arcane Spell Failure 10%
30-Foot Speed: 30 ft.
20-Foot Speed: 20 ft.
Weight: 5 lbs.
Special: Chafe (1 damage/day)

And also add:
Brown Coat
Cost; 10 gp
Armor/Shield Bonus: +1
Maximum Dex Bonus: +6
Arcane Spell Failure 0%
30-Foot Speed: 30 ft.
20-Foot Speed: 20 ft.
Weight 2 lbs.
Special: +2 bonus on Intimidate checks and a +1 bonus to unarmed attacks.
Special: You involuntarily use words like "'verse," "shiny," and "gorram."

Page 108 – Deities [Substitution]
Replace "Yondalla" with "Meepo." Text should read:
I am the god of being the best, because I am. Kobolds and anyone else who's awesome worships me. I'm associated with the domains of Best, Great, and Awesome, and my favored weapon is kicking butt, just like I did to all the errata committee who wouldn't let me be a god. Ah! Wait, no#Tg!1gt Sotop!1g!!

Page 108 – The Nine Alignments [Substitution]
Names like "Lawful Good" and "Chaotic Neutral" are so generic and boring. Strike all alignment names and replace accordingly:
Lawful Good: Superman
Neutral Good: Picard
Chaotic Good: Indiana
Lawful Neutral: Adama
Neutral: Unaligned (you're still boring)
Chaotic Neutral: Jayne
Lawful Evil: Vader
Neutral Evil: Bender
Chaotic Evil: Mearls
+
New Alignment: Batman
Thus, a character would now say, "I am of the Mearls aligment" or "Batman alignment".

Page 156 – Starting a Grapple [Substitution/Deletion]
Replace "Step 1: Attack of Opportunity" text with the following:
"Step 1: Stop Your Game: You and all players stop gameplay. Other players may elect to go get pizza and Mountain Dew (it's in the fridge) while you sit at the table and carefully reconsider your decision to grapple. If you still wish to grapple after the other players return, repeat this step."

Page 203-204 - Bigby [Substitution]
All reference to Bigby become "Stephen Colbert." All spells with "Stephen Colbert" in the name have "Doritos" as a material spell component.

Page 241 – New Spell [Addition]
Add the following spell:
Holy Hand Grenade
Conjuration [Creation]
Level: Clr 9
Components: V, M
Casting Time: Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three.
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Target: 1 vorpal bunny
Duration: Instantaneous
Spell Resistance: No

This spell destroys a vorpal bunny.

Material Component: Lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and...

Page 251 – Magic Missile [Revision]
Revise top of spell text to be:
Evocation [Force]
Level: Sor/Wiz 1
Components: 1 standard action
Range: Medium (199 ft. + 10 ft./level)
Targets: Up to five creatures (no two of which can be more than 15 ft. apart)... or the darkness.
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: Yes

Page 263 – Polymorph [Substitution]
Substitute all text with the following: "This spell functions like alter self, except that you change the willing subject into another form of living creature determined by the table below:
d% Creature
01-03 Ape
04-06 Badger, Badger, Badger
07-10 Bear, black
11-14 Bear, brown
15-18 Boar, dire
19-22 Thranduil appears and slay you for your insolence.
23-26 Flumph
27-30 Gibbering mouther
31-34 Gold dragon
35-37 Highlander (but there can be only one)
38-41 Lion or Tiger or Bear, Oni!
42 Mouse, and you learn the Answer to the Great Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything.
43-45 Mule (Jackass)
46-50 Owlbear
51-55 Pegasus
56-60 R.O.U.S.
61-70 Tarrasque
71-73 Unicorn
74-75 Vorpal bunny
76-100 DM's choice

Upon changing, the subject gains all scores of the new creature, including Intelligence, Charisma, and Wisdom. It also gains all extraordinary special attacks possessed by the form. You can never be the target of a [polymorph] spell again."

Page 272-273 & 268 – Resurrection and Raise Dead [Addition]
These spell do not work on elves.
Monster Manual

Page 64 – Dire Rat [Substitution]
Name is now "R.O.U.S."

Page 209-219 – Tiefling [Transposition]
Remove all text related to tieflings from these pages. Place text on page 21 of the Player's Handbook. Bring it scruffy.
All Books

High Elves [Substitution]
Replace with "Eladrin."

Class Names [Substitution]
Replace "Wizard" with "Mage"
Replace "Barbarian" with "Shaman"
Replace "Fighter" with "Warrior"
Replace "Cleric" with "Priest"
Replace "Ranger" with "Hunter"
Replace "Sorcerer" with "Warlock"
Replace "Creatures" with "Mobs"
Delete all reference to "Bard" and "Monk."

Regdar [Substitution]
Replace with "Vin Diesel" because let's face it, Vin Diesel is freakin' metal.