It sucks, but there's nothing else you can do.
Sareitha Sedai Send a noteboard - 26/01/2010 03:02:42 PM
I finally got a girlfriend 2 months ago today. She is an awesome woman with a sparkling personality, a great sense of humor, and can actually follow some of the leaps my mind takes during conversation sometimes. I really like her and we get a long fantastically.
The problem is she told me that she loved me last week. I responded by staying quiet for a few minutes and holding her in a loving embrace. Afterward, when we pulled away, I told her how I felt (after she thought started crying, which I didn't...no really, I didn't start crying.)
I told her that it was too soon for me to say it as well. She knows my history with my ex wife and knows that I want to take this relationship slow because I really want it to go somewhere. I told her that I do not take an "I Love You" lightly and I won't say it unless I am sure that I mean it. I know this isn't what she wanted to hear, but THAT is not something I am going to say just to make someone else feel better. It is too important and means to much to be tossed around as some kind of emotional sop.
Tonight, the problem really began...it is something I have been expecting, but haven't been able to figure out how to deal with it. I know she wants me to say it to her, but I won't do it unless I am ready...and at this point, that has changed to 'good and ready'. We were supposed to celebrate a two month anniversary (Ladies, the first anniversary you SHOULD celebrate is 6 months. Anything earlier is just rediculous. FYI) but when she came over, she was distant and a little moody. She left early saying she was in a weird mood. Yet when she got back to her place, she sent me a text telling me that it bothered her.
So I don't know what to do now. It's only been two months, I don't love her but I do care about her. And I know that one person putting oneself out there in a relationship like that does put a strain on the relationship. But I won't say it unless I feel it and mean it. I don't know what else I can do. I have already explained this to her, but it didn't seem to help.
What do I do now?
The problem is she told me that she loved me last week. I responded by staying quiet for a few minutes and holding her in a loving embrace. Afterward, when we pulled away, I told her how I felt (after she thought started crying, which I didn't...no really, I didn't start crying.)
I told her that it was too soon for me to say it as well. She knows my history with my ex wife and knows that I want to take this relationship slow because I really want it to go somewhere. I told her that I do not take an "I Love You" lightly and I won't say it unless I am sure that I mean it. I know this isn't what she wanted to hear, but THAT is not something I am going to say just to make someone else feel better. It is too important and means to much to be tossed around as some kind of emotional sop.
Tonight, the problem really began...it is something I have been expecting, but haven't been able to figure out how to deal with it. I know she wants me to say it to her, but I won't do it unless I am ready...and at this point, that has changed to 'good and ready'. We were supposed to celebrate a two month anniversary (Ladies, the first anniversary you SHOULD celebrate is 6 months. Anything earlier is just rediculous. FYI) but when she came over, she was distant and a little moody. She left early saying she was in a weird mood. Yet when she got back to her place, she sent me a text telling me that it bothered her.
So I don't know what to do now. It's only been two months, I don't love her but I do care about her. And I know that one person putting oneself out there in a relationship like that does put a strain on the relationship. But I won't say it unless I feel it and mean it. I don't know what else I can do. I have already explained this to her, but it didn't seem to help.
What do I do now?
Taking all the emotion and background out of it, we have this situation:
You have decided you won't do this.
She wants you to do it.
Either one of you has to compromise (change what you want/are willing to do or accept), or it becomes a deal breaker. As understandable as your feelings on the matter are, you're only half of the partcipants in this relationship.
It isn't that she doesn't understand what you've told her...that just hasn't stopped her wanting what she wants. Hopefully she'll be mature enough to delay the immediate gratification for the long-term gain, but that's all up to her at this point.
If you are from Betelgeuse, please have one of your Earth friends read what I've written before you respond. Or try concentrating harder.
"The trophy problem has become extreme."
"The trophy problem has become extreme."
Why do people say it?
- 26/01/2010 08:43:26 AM
804 Views
I totally see what you mean and agree on all accounts
- 26/01/2010 08:53:16 AM
481 Views
The problem isn't them wanting you to say it is them wanting you to prove it
- 26/01/2010 01:54:16 PM
355 Views
If I were you...
- 26/01/2010 02:05:04 PM
430 Views
agreed, although anything "if you X, you would X" should be avoided
- 26/01/2010 03:16:11 PM
341 Views
- 26/01/2010 03:28:59 PM
499 Views
- 26/01/2010 03:28:59 PM
499 Views
I agree but we happen to know the day
- 26/01/2010 03:52:20 PM
340 Views
but we happen to know the day
- 26/01/2010 03:52:20 PM
340 Views
I don't find it that odd that it was the boyfriend's idea
- 26/01/2010 04:05:21 PM
378 Views
Not in this case.
- 26/01/2010 09:32:00 PM
390 Views
teenagers are just wierd
- 26/01/2010 11:48:14 PM
370 Views
She's not a teenager.
- 26/01/2010 11:51:06 PM
356 Views
It sucks, but there's nothing else you can do.
- 26/01/2010 03:02:42 PM
532 Views
Just tell her what you said in the first paragraph there....
- 26/01/2010 04:57:55 PM
343 Views
It's a good tale of not just that...but of...
- 26/01/2010 05:21:29 PM
348 Views
I have a question.
- 27/01/2010 01:49:18 AM
350 Views
She is 26.
- 27/01/2010 08:22:41 AM
367 Views
Ah. So she wasn't pressuring you. She was just being open about how she was feeling and why she
- 27/01/2010 12:30:01 PM
417 Views