Re: Monkeys. Ice cream. Steve Hughes. Those twirly things on strippers' breasts.
Liam Send a noteboard - 19/12/2009 07:31:07 PM
1. Is smoking marijuana really worse for your mental health than being shipped off to shoot at Arabs?
Both pale in comparison to watching X Factor.
2. If you had to choose, would you rather 1) piss yourself on the bus or 2) tell your mom you're gay?
If it's a cold day, the former. Any other day, the latter.
3. Wait a minute, wait a minute. . . who shot at Reagan?, I forget.
Raygun.
4. You had an affair?, and now she's trying to kill us? How could you?!
Well, largely it stems from my utter lack of anything resembling a conscience. Sorry!
5. Will you be staying with us for business or pleasure?
Preferably the latter, but if you have your way it'll be both I am sure.
6. Jesus Christ, my family wants me & my brother to do Christmas Eve, and we're like. . how the fuck do you cook a turkey?!
Take turkey, put some salt on it, cook slowly in oven. There are fancier ways, sure, but it's too much effort for me to write about.
7. Where do you get a turkey?
Go to the bottom of your garden, or if you don't have one, the nearest park. Close your eyes, turn three times anticlockwise whilst whispering The Secret Words to yourself, and then stop. Walk through the gate that has just Mysteriously Appeared. Head through the pasture, fight the white knight (his weakness is butter) and beat the jester's riddle (the answer is usually "babyoil and too much whisky". Take care to take the left turn at the forked road, and walk backwards down the road. When you reach the coast, build a boat, and call forth the boatman. He will agree to pilot the boat for a fee, but if you imply that he's just not capable he'll unwittingly give away the route you need to take. Just pilot yourself, the waters are calm. Eventually you'll reach the Isle of Gallapavo where the turkeys practically throw themselves at you. Throw one in the air three times, catching it each time, to end up with a dead/plucked/entrails removed ready-for-cooking turkey.
8. What goes with turkey?, like. . . potatoes and uh. . . What?
Man all sorts.
9. What does turkey taste like?, is it kinda like chicken?
It's basically crap chicken. In that it can go dry really easily if cooked wrong. I kind of detest it, but christmas is christmas. Taste is a bit different o' course.
10. Since my family tend to get excessively drunk at Christmas, my brother and I were thinking. . . maybe we'd get away with just serving booze, potato chips and dip. But what kind of dip says "CHRISTMAS"?
Both pale in comparison to watching X Factor.
2. If you had to choose, would you rather 1) piss yourself on the bus or 2) tell your mom you're gay?
If it's a cold day, the former. Any other day, the latter.
3. Wait a minute, wait a minute. . . who shot at Reagan?, I forget.
Raygun.
4. You had an affair?, and now she's trying to kill us? How could you?!
Well, largely it stems from my utter lack of anything resembling a conscience. Sorry!
5. Will you be staying with us for business or pleasure?
Preferably the latter, but if you have your way it'll be both I am sure.
6. Jesus Christ, my family wants me & my brother to do Christmas Eve, and we're like. . how the fuck do you cook a turkey?!
Take turkey, put some salt on it, cook slowly in oven. There are fancier ways, sure, but it's too much effort for me to write about.
7. Where do you get a turkey?
Go to the bottom of your garden, or if you don't have one, the nearest park. Close your eyes, turn three times anticlockwise whilst whispering The Secret Words to yourself, and then stop. Walk through the gate that has just Mysteriously Appeared. Head through the pasture, fight the white knight (his weakness is butter) and beat the jester's riddle (the answer is usually "babyoil and too much whisky". Take care to take the left turn at the forked road, and walk backwards down the road. When you reach the coast, build a boat, and call forth the boatman. He will agree to pilot the boat for a fee, but if you imply that he's just not capable he'll unwittingly give away the route you need to take. Just pilot yourself, the waters are calm. Eventually you'll reach the Isle of Gallapavo where the turkeys practically throw themselves at you. Throw one in the air three times, catching it each time, to end up with a dead/plucked/entrails removed ready-for-cooking turkey.
8. What goes with turkey?, like. . . potatoes and uh. . . What?
Man all sorts.
9. What does turkey taste like?, is it kinda like chicken?
It's basically crap chicken. In that it can go dry really easily if cooked wrong. I kind of detest it, but christmas is christmas. Taste is a bit different o' course.
10. Since my family tend to get excessively drunk at Christmas, my brother and I were thinking. . . maybe we'd get away with just serving booze, potato chips and dip. But what kind of dip says "CHRISTMAS"?
Just mix red and green colouring into whiteish dips.
---
Oh, how simply grand it is to be travelling by dirigible again. Direct us to the west good sir, tonight we will remember what it is to live.
Oh, how simply grand it is to be travelling by dirigible again. Direct us to the west good sir, tonight we will remember what it is to live.
Monkeys. Ice cream. Steve Hughes. Those twirly things on strippers' breasts.
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