I'm more interested in the feelings/needs of the child than the feelings of adults.
Sareitha Sedai Send a noteboard - 03/11/2009 01:16:49 AM
Backstory - My brother's son (five years old) is technically my sister-in-law's son from a previous marriage. However, vile ex-husband hasn't been a figure in the child's life since a few months after he was born, while my brother has been the "dad" since my nephew was one and a half. Ex-in law family have pretty much disowned the ex-husband and completely love my brother. My brother, his wife, and the kids vacation with the ex-in-laws, etc.
With the addition of my new niece, brother and sister-in-law are considering changing the son's name to better fit in with the family. They don't want to offend my nephew's biological grandparents, but they also don't want my nephew to feel too different by not having the same name as the rest of the family. Additionally, they don't feel that my nephew is emotionally ready for the "Whys" of a different last name.
So...
1) Have you ever been in a similar situation? Either as the parent, child, grandparent?
2) How, if at all, would having a different last name than your siblings affect you?
3) Would you feel offended if you were the biological grandparent in this type of situation?
There are ways to go around this, doing hyphenated names and whatnot.
With the addition of my new niece, brother and sister-in-law are considering changing the son's name to better fit in with the family. They don't want to offend my nephew's biological grandparents, but they also don't want my nephew to feel too different by not having the same name as the rest of the family. Additionally, they don't feel that my nephew is emotionally ready for the "Whys" of a different last name.
So...
1) Have you ever been in a similar situation? Either as the parent, child, grandparent?
2) How, if at all, would having a different last name than your siblings affect you?
3) Would you feel offended if you were the biological grandparent in this type of situation?
There are ways to go around this, doing hyphenated names and whatnot.
It is absolutely the best thing for the little boy for him to have the same name as the rest of his family. Ideally the sperm donor's parental rights get terminated so he can't come "surprise" the boy/family unit later, and best-case scenario is your brother adopting the boy. That shows a formal and demonstrable commitment to raising him as his own (much the same way that marriage formalizes and demonstrates a commitment two people make to each other).
They have a good relationship with the grandparents on the sperm-donor's side. They should be able to communicate that they are making this change because it's what's best for the boy and the family. It doesn't change their relationship with the boy one bit, unless they let it (but something tells me that people who are that amazing about putting their attention where it belongs, i.e., their grandchild and not their deadbeat kid, are going to understand this just fine).
If you are from Betelgeuse, please have one of your Earth friends read what I've written before you respond. Or try concentrating harder.
"The trophy problem has become extreme."
"The trophy problem has become extreme."
Changing your child's name...
- 02/11/2009 11:07:40 PM
801 Views
Is your brother going to actually adopt the child?
- 02/11/2009 11:54:20 PM
583 Views
My brother wants to, but...
- 03/11/2009 11:18:20 PM
527 Views
Does he pay child support?
- 04/11/2009 12:38:33 AM
450 Views
Never paid a dime.
- 04/11/2009 12:44:40 AM
461 Views
I'd only change the name if he adopted the son legally.
- 03/11/2009 12:23:08 AM
473 Views
I'm more interested in the feelings/needs of the child than the feelings of adults.
- 03/11/2009 01:16:49 AM
482 Views
My sister changed her name when she ascended to the Crystal Throne, may she live forever.
- 03/11/2009 02:52:35 AM
557 Views
I personally believe the boy should keep his biological fathers last name no matter what *NM*
- 03/11/2009 03:18:24 AM
211 Views
Are they changing his name to Clark Kent? If so, I don't think the kid will have a problem. *NM*
- 03/11/2009 04:04:35 AM
208 Views
I gave She her dad's last name, we weren't married, had no real intentions of getting married,
- 03/11/2009 05:10:31 AM
464 Views
Here are my thoughts (I have been in a somewhat similar situation).
- 03/11/2009 06:52:17 AM
520 Views