Is your brother going to actually adopt the child?
Tashmere Send a noteboard - 02/11/2009 11:54:20 PM
Backstory - My brother's son (five years old) is technically my sister-in-law's son from a previous marriage. However, vile ex-husband hasn't been a figure in the child's life since a few months after he was born, while my brother has been the "dad" since my nephew was one and a half. Ex-in law family have pretty much disowned the ex-husband and completely love my brother. My brother, his wife, and the kids vacation with the ex-in-laws, etc.
With the addition of my new niece, brother and sister-in-law are considering changing the son's name to better fit in with the family. They don't want to offend my nephew's biological grandparents, but they also don't want my nephew to feel too different by not having the same name as the rest of the family. Additionally, they don't feel that my nephew is emotionally ready for the "Whys" of a different last name.
So...
1) Have you ever been in a similar situation? Either as the parent, child, grandparent?
2) How, if at all, would having a different last name than your siblings affect you?
3) Would you feel offended if you were the biological grandparent in this type of situation?
There are ways to go around this, doing hyphenated names and whatnot.
With the addition of my new niece, brother and sister-in-law are considering changing the son's name to better fit in with the family. They don't want to offend my nephew's biological grandparents, but they also don't want my nephew to feel too different by not having the same name as the rest of the family. Additionally, they don't feel that my nephew is emotionally ready for the "Whys" of a different last name.
So...
1) Have you ever been in a similar situation? Either as the parent, child, grandparent?
2) How, if at all, would having a different last name than your siblings affect you?
3) Would you feel offended if you were the biological grandparent in this type of situation?
There are ways to go around this, doing hyphenated names and whatnot.
Did I read this right? Were you saying that you vacation with the parents of the vile ex-husband and that they approve of your brother and not of their son? If they are that good of terms then has your sister-in-law asked them how they would feel about your brother adopting their grandson? As long as they still had access to their grandson they might be okay with it. They might like something in writing though.
My husband was the child in that situation. He didn't think that just changing the name was good. He felt that adoption would be the better option. In my husband's case, the man that raised him formally adopted him when he was 18 even though he had been divorced from his mother for five years. Grandpa Humphrey is The Bomb. A wonderful man.
Tash
Changing your child's name...
- 02/11/2009 11:07:40 PM
799 Views
Is your brother going to actually adopt the child?
- 02/11/2009 11:54:20 PM
583 Views
My brother wants to, but...
- 03/11/2009 11:18:20 PM
526 Views
Does he pay child support?
- 04/11/2009 12:38:33 AM
449 Views
Never paid a dime.
- 04/11/2009 12:44:40 AM
461 Views
I'd only change the name if he adopted the son legally.
- 03/11/2009 12:23:08 AM
471 Views
I'm more interested in the feelings/needs of the child than the feelings of adults.
- 03/11/2009 01:16:49 AM
481 Views
My sister changed her name when she ascended to the Crystal Throne, may she live forever.
- 03/11/2009 02:52:35 AM
557 Views
I personally believe the boy should keep his biological fathers last name no matter what *NM*
- 03/11/2009 03:18:24 AM
211 Views
Are they changing his name to Clark Kent? If so, I don't think the kid will have a problem. *NM*
- 03/11/2009 04:04:35 AM
208 Views
I gave She her dad's last name, we weren't married, had no real intentions of getting married,
- 03/11/2009 05:10:31 AM
463 Views
Here are my thoughts (I have been in a somewhat similar situation).
- 03/11/2009 06:52:17 AM
519 Views