Do not for one moment ever accept the lie that you should be ashamed or otherwise embarrassed for your feelings. While I do not know with personal experience what you are going through, I do have experience in working with military guys back from war who saw and experienced things no one should.

They often feel embarrassed for crying, because it isn't manly. Or sometimes they feel that they can't physically express what they are going through, because it would make them "less". Or they feel ashamed for not handling it the way someone else would. Well I say to the deepest, darkest pit of Hell with all that. Mourn. Grieve.

Why?

Because your wife is worthy of it. Her value to you is so phenomenally high, and you feel her loss significantly. She is worthy of your tears.

So mourn the way that you want to. Grieve the way that you want to. You can do it publicly or privately. You can be numb as you see fit, or as demonstrative as you desire. Do not fall into the belief that there is only one way (or one progression) through grief. Share what you want to share.

Do not censor yourself in regards to expressing your thoughts/feelings. We know you aren't fishing for pity or attention. You're working through your grief, and we honor you for it.

~Jeordam