View original postOur first decision was whether to stay domestic or go international. From what we found out, domestic adoption is a essentially a legal process. It's very much dependent on lawyers and individual state laws. Some negative features:
This mostly what I was wondering about. I have met several couples trying to adopt that either were ready to pull their hair out by the end of the process or are ready to pull it out because they are still going through it. Not all but most of those couples described it as pretty much a racket with every party involved wanting their cut so to speak. Money, money, money.
View original post- Mostly infants or older children via state-run foster systems (we were looking for a child between 12 and 18 months)
View original post- Lots of "near" misses for infants, where the birth mother decides after birth that she can't give up her child (very natural, but think about the disruption this causes the awaiting adoptive parents)
View original post- Even after the adoption, for normally a few months, birth family members can try to make legal claims to take back the child from the adoptive parents (this almost happened with one of my work colleagues, who honestly was ready to flee the country with her child).
That just seems crazy, yet so "American". Oh, but I'm the child's aunt by marriage and me and my husband want the baby. Yeah, I know paperwork has been signed, the child has been taken from the birth mother and placed but, you know, it's our "right" to screw it up for everybody else and be entirely selfish and take the kid. Sheesh.
View original postDue to all of this uncertainty, domestic option never seemed attractive for us.
Can't say I blame you.
View original postAll countries are different, but in general, you learn very quick about the positive benefits of having a foreign government acting as an intermediary. In our case, once the Chinese government assumes custody of a child, the cord is irrevocably cut with the birth parents/family. So, once the process is over, she is our daughter, period, end of sentence. This "certainty" was the best option for us.
View original postThis is essentially why we went international. If you are interested in the next step of our decision making, please ask. We looked at Poland, Korea, and China.....and obviously selected China for multiple reasons.
You pretty much confirmed my suspicions. The best of luck. And, as much as we may bicker here and there on this board, I'm extremely happy that you and your wife would choose to do something about the parentless children out there and take one (and maybe more one day?) in and provide what will undoubtedly be a better life for her. I wish you two nothing but the best!
View original postView original postAlthough I think I may already know the answer, I would like your input as I was just having a discussion about American adoption with a few friends. Why did you adopt from China versus the U.S.? Was it a preference or was it something to do with the American adoption process? Not looking to start some kind of debate here with others so if you'd rather NB me than discuss it here then do so, I'd love to hear what your experience was and if you and your wife tried the American route, etc.
But wine was the great assassin of both tradition and propriety...
-Brandon Sanderson, The Way of Kings
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