1975 or 1976 — ice cream scooper, Baskin-Robbins — Honolulu — Obama claims to have lost his taste for ice cream during this, his first job, the duration of which is not publicly known.

My thoughts: Yeah, that's a real job. Probably a summer job and short-term, but real.

Date unknown — deli counter clerk, business name unknown — Honolulu — Obama had a summer job at a deli counter in Hawaii, making sandwiches, his spokesman said during the presidential campaign.

My thoughts: Again, a real job.

1980 — gift shop sales clerk, business name unknown — Honolulu — Obama worked at a gift shop in Hawaii selling island souvenirs the summer after his freshman year at Occidental College in California.

My thoughts: a probably boring but real job.

Sometime between 1981-1983 — construction worker, business name unknown — New York — Obama cleared a construction site for a summer on Manhattan's Upper West Side while attending Columbia University, the Associated Press reported. Obama referred to this job in Dreams From My Father .

My thoughts: Bullshit public service thing to put on a resume.

Sometime between 1981-1983 — position unknown, company unknown — New York — During his years at Columbia University, Obama worked one summer for a private company processing health records of either police or firefighters, his spokesman said during the presidential campaign.

My thoughts: Real job.

Sometime between 1981-1983 — telemarketer, company unknown — New York — During one school year at Columbia, Obama was a telemarketer in midtown Manhattan selling New York Times subscriptions over the phone, his spokesman said during the presidential campaign.

My thoughts: Real job.

1983-84 — research assistant, Business International Corporation — New York — At this firm that helped American companies do business abroad, Obama was a researcher and writer for a reference service called Financing Foreign Operations; among his duties was writing a newsletter called Business International Money Report.

My thoughts: Real job.

1985 — project coordinator, New York Public Interest Research Group — New York — Obama mobilized student volunteers at City College in Harlem for NYPIRG, a nonprofit organization that promotes consumer, environmental and government reform. He promoted activism around issues such as mass transit, higher education, tuition, financial aid and recycling.

My thoughts: community activist crap for resume.

1985-1988 — community organizer, Developing Communities Project — Chicago — Obama advocated for asbestos removal, job training and public-works services at this community organization on Chicago's South Side.

My thoughts: politics politics politics.

1988 — research assistant, Lawrence Tribe — student assistant to this Harvard Law School professor and renowned constitutional scholar.

My thoughts: not a job.

1989 — summer associate, Hopkins & Sutter — Obama held this job the summer between his first and second years of law school.

My thoughts: not a job, unless by "job" one can include being taken to lunches and cookouts (I was a summer associate, too, and I know what it means).

1990 — summer associate, Sidley & Austin — After his second year of law school Obama was a summer associate for one of the world's oldest and largest law firms, where he met Michelle Robinson, his future wife.

My thoughts: not a job (see above).

1990-1991 — president, Harvard Law Review — Obama was the first African-American to hold this prestigious position.

My thoughts: not a job.

1991-1992 — executive director, Project Vote — Ran a campaign that registered nearly 150,000 black voters for the 1992 elections.

My thoughts: politics.

1993-2004 — associate and partner (starting 1996), Davis, Miner, Barnhill & Galland — Chicago — defended clients ranging from landlords to a securities trader, and handled employment-discrimination and voting-rights cases at this Chicago law firm.

My thoughts: some of this might be real, but I suspect that they were playing the politics game. Lawyers are ready to be made partners after a minimum of 8 years' work. If he was "partner" after 3 years, he's just barely figured out how to take a deposition on his own and no one in their right mind would make him partner unless it's political. VERY political.

1993-2004 — part-time lecturer, University of Chicago Law School — Chicago — lectured on constitutional law.

My thoughts: Yeah, double everything that I said. He wasn't even working enough hours to make partner if he was also a part-time lecturer. To be a real partner at a big law firm you are generally working 60-80 hours of billables a week.

1995 — author, Times Books — published memoir, Dreams From My Father.

My thoughts: Yeah...partner? Really?

1997-2004 — state senator, Illinois — senator from Illinois' 13th District on Chicago's South Side.

My thoughts: Uh...yeah, so he stayed as a "partner" with no clients while he was helping his law firm politically.

2005-2008 — U.S. Senator — represented Illinois in the U.S. Senate.

Half a term in the Senate and they're ready to make him President...anyone who claims that Obama suffers from racism will have to concede that he never would have been considered a viable Presidential candidate that early in his career (and probably wouldn't have been able to leap directly from state politics to the US Senate without being a representative first) had he not been black.

2006 -- Author, Random House — published The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream.

Cross out "of hope" and just name the book "Audacity", because that's enough.

2009 — President, United States — Washington — In his current position, Obama is the head of state of the most powerful country in the world. He runs the executive branch and serves as commander in chief of the armed forces.