What would make good bastard surnames for the various regions of the country?
New England - Leaf
The Normal States (NJ, DE, PA, NY)- Money
The South (KY, VA, WV, NC, SC, MD) - Rebs
The South-south (AL, MS, GA, TN, FL) - Grits
The Wierd-south (TX, AK, LA, OK)- Boots
The Midwest (OH, IN, IL, MO, WI, MI, MN) - Cheese
The Flat Part (IA, ND, SD, NE, KS)- Plains
The Desert Part (UT, AZ, NM, NV) - Adobe
The Squares (MT, CO, WY) - Peak
California - Freak
The Pacific Northwest (WA, OR, IH) - Rain
Alaska - Palin (hell, that's the one already used by all the Alaskan bastards anyone knows)
Hawaii - Lava

And because I am cosmopolitan and tolerant of the lesser anglophonic peoples, but don't know their hellscapes and irrelevant internal divisions well enough, I will break them down in the following manner:

England
That other part of England -
Still another part of England -
Scotland -
More Scotland -
The Islandy parts up top -
Wales -
Is there another part of Wales -
That part you should really give back to Ireland -

Ireland
The Pale -
Beyond -

Australia
The Outback -
The place with the big rock -
The other parts? -

Canada
That Northern part you won't let be provinces -
Quebec -
The part in the Great Lakes with all the people -
The part with bigfoot & Vancouver -
The In-between part -
The Islandy parts in the East -

Middle-Earth
North Island -
South Island -