Okay this is mostly in fun, and is in the context of me really enjoying the book, but there's some truth in most of these:

1. Gawyn regressed into a pissy 14 year old. Fantastic.

2. The bubbling, festering, looming, growing, menacing Prophet storyline, which threatened to destabilize Rand's plans in the entire West and undermine his leadership across Randland by making people fear and hate him, finally came to a dramatic head whe- [message truncated]

3. Sing it with me Dragonmount Singers, "And Rand did it allll for the gloryyyy of looooove." BOOOOOO.

4. Zombietown, the Musical. Plays nightly in Hinderstrap. Children under 6 in free before sundown.

5. Somebody here rightly pointed out, in short, "Who cares anymore who Mesaana is in the Tower?" Amen, sibling. God, just poop it out already. It doesn't matter. She's going just going to fall down the stairs and hit her head or something anyway.

6. Premature Fisherkingation. If you squint and plug your ears up and believe really hard, Rand fulfills the blind beggar vision in Ebou Dar as he casually strolls around the city streets, taking in the many sights. It's very important and was worth previewing with a tantalizing vision. "Hey check this out guys. Watch what I can do with this old cloak. Now I'm a blind beggar. Now I'm not. Now I'm a blind beggar. Is that awesome or what! Well yes, it's kind of a metaphor too. Oh really? Well you just try coming up with one yourself, smartypants. Metaphors are hard. Oh god I'm going to barf - LOOK OUUUT!"

7. The Deathwatch Gardeners just kept to themselves and pruned roadside shrubs and whatnot while Mat led them around. Nobody had any questions for them or interactions. They were really bored. Wait, were they still there? I thought some stayed with him.

8. Rand: Hey I wonder what that awful Taim who I don't trust at all is doing with the horde of unstoppable male channelers I handed him? I hope it's nothing bad. Aah, I'm sure it's fine. Logain is such an exaggerating drama queen. No need to check in. I'm busy.

9. Scene: The deck of a Sea Folk raker in port. "Aye ma'am, the decks are clean. Aye. Well yes, we swabbed it again just now like you ordered. No ma'am, there aren't anymore sails to mend. All sewed up. Would... would you like us to maybe cut them up a bit so we can mend them again? No, of course not, it was just an idea. We've really run out of things to do. Yes ma'am. Steve got the last of the barnacles off the hull weeks ago and... Oh! No ma'am. Not at all. It's just... well me and some of the guys have kind of been enjoying hanging out in town on shore leave and we just thought... I mean there hasn't been much going on in a while except for those lucky devils that got to make the run to Bandar Eban. The rest of us? Aw, you know. Well we've just been sitting here all this time. Maybe... I mean if the ship is clean and all. I dunno. Have you seen the petting zoo in town? It's really nice. Some of us were thinking we might volunteer there if... you know, we weren't really needed here all the time. the animals are really friendly. We could get rooms at the inn there. It's kind of nice to have a bed that's not swaying all the time. I kind of like wearing shoes and socks. My feet are always so cold here. Ouch! Aieee! Yes ma'am! Of course. We'll swab it again. I should probably point out that the wood is starting to wear a bit thin after all these months of constant swabbing. Maybe if we- YOWTCH! Yes ma'am, right away ma'am. Buckets, lads! Get the mops and buckets back out! Don't you ream out that ear at me, Jeff, an order's an order. Jenny, I swear to God, if I catch you shirtless in port one more time you'll hear about it. Mark me, you will. I don't care if it chafes, put it back on."

10. As Tarmon Gaidon looms literally on the horizon, the WT Aes Sedai have balcony picnics, sip tea, sniff, and have some nuts. They're going to be the primary weapons against the Shadow, which will very likely end existence as they know it in a few weeks, but they still know very few offensive battle weaves or tactics (just ask the Seanchan raiders) and the angreal sit dusty on the shelves in a storeroom. But there's still plenty of time. They can learn that stuff later and train at leisure. And if not, why they can just tie up all those immeasurable hordes of pesky Trollocs, Fades, and Dreadlords with weaves of air. I bet they've already determined who will serve tea at Tarwin's Gap though. There's a rotating schedule all drawn up. Don't pack your nicest dresses, ladies!

11. Warders still just stand around all day, as they have for most of their careers, cleaning their fingernails with cute little saber-shaped fingernail tools from their Warder grooming kits. "Why the hell did I ever agree to this? I swear to God if she asks me to fetch her groceries one more time, I'm putting my foot down!
I was a prince, for crying out loud - I won't do it!"

12. O Ancient And Glorious And Mighty Graendal, Schemer of Ages, Cagiest of all the Chosen: Could Roger and I possibl- BZZZZZZZZZZZZZT.

13. Fain, supremely evil entity, infused with otherworldly powers, a threat even to the Shadow, is still a horrible tracker. "Wait, Bandar Eban? Christ! Who said Tear?! Which one of you jerks told me Tear?! Well that's just great. Ugh, my poor feet. Narg, go tell the boys to break camp and get th- DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK. This is as much as surprise to me as it is to you, okay? Well what do you want me to do? Just tell them I have special treats for everyone when we get to Bandar Eban or something. Or just make something up. Why? Because it's part of the burden of leadership, that's why. Look, if I have to make all of these decisions myself, why did I make you lieutenant? That's what I thought. Don't make me go fade spike-eyes on you. Ha ha, just kidding, buddy. Oh your face! You should see your face! AHAHAHA! Oh man, I'm sorry. Seriously though, see to it."