Explain the Tam one? It's been a while since I read ToM... *NM*
beetnemesis Send a noteboard - 28/09/2011 02:35:33 AM
I once adapted a humor post I found directed at another topic to WoT characters. It basically gave the answers that various people would give to the age-old riddle, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" I adapted it for WoT characters in general, and then updated it when tGS was released. Now, what with this board needing some life and the apparent passage of ToM from the realm of spoiler protection into mainstream consciousness, I offer the following. Don't read if you are a fun-Nazi or have not yet read the book.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
***
Rand: It was necessary that the chicken cross the road. You see, I am older than any living poultry farmer. I know ALL about chickens. But don’t worry. I’m still the same old sheepherder.
Angelic Chorus: Amen. Praise be the name of the Lord Dragon, Blessed be his name in the Light. Alleluia.
***
Graendal: It DIDN’T! The chicken compelled Aran’gar and I was watching through the chicken’s eyes! They all THOUGHT the chicken crossed and it was really Delana! Be afraid, because the chicken is still on THIS side of the road! But rapidly dwindling in power and resources, and laying increasingly pitiful eggs to make you wonder why it bothered staying...
***
Elayne: It must have found out that Rand is the father of my children. I can’t see how. I didn’t tell a soul, and they all promised to keep it a secret.
***
Aviendha: Because Rand and I did a bad job of raising the chicken and it got the whole flock turned into McNuggets.
***
Egwene: NO! It can’t cross the road! I had a dream of a chicken in a crosswalk. It was very neutral with no implications one way or another, but I believe, solely on my own, despite my complete lack of any experience in any field remotely related to ornithology or avian husbandry, that this is something that MUST be stopped! Gather all the fowl! Ducks, turkeys, geese, Cornish game hens, all of them must be brought to the crosswalk on the far side to greet the chicken and stop this ill-advised crossing. No, I don’t know how that will help. But my kindergarten teachers once praised my drawing of a chicken, so trust me. I know what I’m doing.
***
Perrin: I was watching the whole thing from Tel’Aran’Rhiod! You’d think I would have mentioned it at the time, rather than a year later when all the significance and drama is stripped from the climax of my story. I still don’t know why though. Maybe I should check with Faile.
***
Berelain: Why would the chicken cross the road? I don’t get it. There must have been some political motive. Crossing the road for any other reason would be absurd. Do you think if I crossed the road that would be a viable connection to the chicken?
***
Moiraine: Um… that was not one of the answers I bargained for...
***
Gawyn: I’m not paying any attention to the chicken. If it wants to be on the other side of the road, let it! You know, I was raised to command and I understand about the parts of Andor that farm chickens and I could have…
***
Morgase: I don’t care what the chicken did! I will NOT cross the road just because Lord Perrin commands it. Okay, now I will. But, that’s a lame crosswalk you provided on such short notice, Perrin.
***
Mat:As the comic relief, I am the expert on all punchlines, so I’ll write the answer to the chicken riddle down for you to read: “Me say getshikun chikken side to cross other road! Thom say me no rite gud. Yu laff now?”
***
Cadsuane: To get to the other side, boy. There’s your answer. Did your Aiel really spend an entire book looking for that answer I found in two seconds? Pshaw.
***
Tam: I can tell you because I was on both sides of the street at once. Confused? Hah! You should have seen the look on that chicken’s face!
***
Nicola: I’m here to help cross the chicken, Mother! I’ll just lead it across the street like so… What truck? Where? I don’t see any tr-
***
Lan: Oh for… I said ONE chicken could cross! This is absolute the last one! I did not come here to be a flaming chicken crossing guard! Bloody Nynaeve Travelling around and rousting all the coops…
***
Brandon Sanderson: Okay, there’s this chicken and he’s on the other side of the road and the question is what is he doing…um, uh oh…wait. I forgot to mention, he crossed the road already. Or is that in aMoL... I forget. Did Sulin have the chicken? Or did she give it to Tam? Is he on Perrin’s side of the road or Rand’s? Mariaaa! Help?!
***
Asmodean: Graendal, of course.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
***
Rand: It was necessary that the chicken cross the road. You see, I am older than any living poultry farmer. I know ALL about chickens. But don’t worry. I’m still the same old sheepherder.
Angelic Chorus: Amen. Praise be the name of the Lord Dragon, Blessed be his name in the Light. Alleluia.
***
Graendal: It DIDN’T! The chicken compelled Aran’gar and I was watching through the chicken’s eyes! They all THOUGHT the chicken crossed and it was really Delana! Be afraid, because the chicken is still on THIS side of the road! But rapidly dwindling in power and resources, and laying increasingly pitiful eggs to make you wonder why it bothered staying...
***
Elayne: It must have found out that Rand is the father of my children. I can’t see how. I didn’t tell a soul, and they all promised to keep it a secret.
***
Aviendha: Because Rand and I did a bad job of raising the chicken and it got the whole flock turned into McNuggets.
***
Egwene: NO! It can’t cross the road! I had a dream of a chicken in a crosswalk. It was very neutral with no implications one way or another, but I believe, solely on my own, despite my complete lack of any experience in any field remotely related to ornithology or avian husbandry, that this is something that MUST be stopped! Gather all the fowl! Ducks, turkeys, geese, Cornish game hens, all of them must be brought to the crosswalk on the far side to greet the chicken and stop this ill-advised crossing. No, I don’t know how that will help. But my kindergarten teachers once praised my drawing of a chicken, so trust me. I know what I’m doing.
***
Perrin: I was watching the whole thing from Tel’Aran’Rhiod! You’d think I would have mentioned it at the time, rather than a year later when all the significance and drama is stripped from the climax of my story. I still don’t know why though. Maybe I should check with Faile.
***
Berelain: Why would the chicken cross the road? I don’t get it. There must have been some political motive. Crossing the road for any other reason would be absurd. Do you think if I crossed the road that would be a viable connection to the chicken?
***
Moiraine: Um… that was not one of the answers I bargained for...
***
Gawyn: I’m not paying any attention to the chicken. If it wants to be on the other side of the road, let it! You know, I was raised to command and I understand about the parts of Andor that farm chickens and I could have…
***
Morgase: I don’t care what the chicken did! I will NOT cross the road just because Lord Perrin commands it. Okay, now I will. But, that’s a lame crosswalk you provided on such short notice, Perrin.
***
Mat:As the comic relief, I am the expert on all punchlines, so I’ll write the answer to the chicken riddle down for you to read: “Me say get
***
Cadsuane: To get to the other side, boy. There’s your answer. Did your Aiel really spend an entire book looking for that answer I found in two seconds? Pshaw.
***
Tam: I can tell you because I was on both sides of the street at once. Confused? Hah! You should have seen the look on that chicken’s face!
***
Nicola: I’m here to help cross the chicken, Mother! I’ll just lead it across the street like so… What truck? Where? I don’t see any tr-
***
Lan: Oh for… I said ONE chicken could cross! This is absolute the last one! I did not come here to be a flaming chicken crossing guard! Bloody Nynaeve Travelling around and rousting all the coops…
***
Brandon Sanderson: Okay, there’s this chicken and he’s on the other side of the road and the question is what is he doing…um, uh oh…wait. I forgot to mention, he crossed the road already. Or is that in aMoL... I forget. Did Sulin have the chicken? Or did she give it to Tam? Is he on Perrin’s side of the road or Rand’s? Mariaaa! Help?!
***
Asmodean: Graendal, of course.
I amuse myself.
And in other ToM quote news: Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? (ToM edition)
21/09/2011 12:01:40 AM
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Re: And in other ToM quote news: Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? (ToM edition)
21/09/2011 03:08:18 AM
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Re: And in other ToM quote news: Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? (ToM edition)
21/09/2011 08:01:01 AM
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Explain the Tam one? It's been a while since I read ToM... *NM*
28/09/2011 02:35:33 AM
- 291 Views
He went from Perrin's group to Rand's but the timelines were out of sync
15/10/2011 05:34:41 PM
- 546 Views