Listen, Japan. Don't think that just because you're a foreign country, your movies don't have to make sense.


OK, so tell me if I'm correct, here:

1) The Battle Royale act is a well-known thing- the movie opens up with the previous year's winner, smiling, with tons of news coverage.

The purpose of the Battle Royale act was... well, I'm not sure. Because kids don't respect their elders, so this will show them who has the power? But the kids had obviously never heard of Battle Royale, so this doesn't seem to work very well.


2) Throughout the movie, the "main" characters are Stupid Useless Girl With Shoulder Wound and Whiny Guy With a Pot Lid. There was a third member of their group, who was in love with Stupid Girl (and maybe she loved him? Not sure), but his head got blown off in the first half hour.

Whiny Guy promised No-Head that he'd protect Stupid Girl.

All right so far?

However, am I right in saying that No-Head tried to stab Evil Teacher in the beginning of the movie? Which somehow led to Evil Teacher running Battle Royale, but I digress.

Did No-Head try to stab Evil Teacher because Evil Teacher was in love with Stupid Girl? Did Stupid Girl reciprocate those feelings? Did she and Evil Teacher ever hook up? What the hell was up with the scene with her and Evil Teacher eating ice cream, and he talks about what it's like to be an adult?

3) So, what, they can just randomly draft any survivors of previous games? Good Transfer Student was apparently a survivor of the game three years ago. Why is he back?

How did he know how to take off the collars? Evil Teacher said something about him hacking in and stealing that information?


4) So, in the climax, is this what happened: Good Transfer Student PRETENDS to shoot Whiny Guy and Stupid Girl, and then takes off their collars so it's like they're dead?

5) Remember when Evil Teacher got shot like 20 times in the gut and collapses on the floor? And then his cell phone rings, and he's all "One second, I've gotta take this?" And then he eats a cookie, and dies? What the fuck was that?

6) Why did they keep showing that damn basketball game?

7) Who was Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation Guy? He hung himself amidst banners of people saying he was awesome.

The very end. Is this what happened: Good Transfer Student faked Stupid Girl and Whiny Guy's deaths, so Evil Teacher says Battle Royale is over. Evil Teacher tells everyone to go home, figuring he'll talk to Good Transfer Student later. The trio reveal themselves, kill Evil Teacher, and then grab a convenient boat back to the mainland (and GTS dies en route).

Why were Stupid Girl and Whiny Guy then wanted for murder? Was it because they supposedly killed classmates, or because they killed Evil Teacher?

9) Finally, why did Sexpot Sickle Girl have to die!?! She was awesome.