On Mayor Eric Adams:

For a vegan, Mayor Adams sure seems to like Turkey!

I promised Mayor Adams I would wrap this up quickly. They have reserved this room for the next batch of illegal aliens coming in from Texas.

On Senator Chuck Schumer:

Chuck looks very glum tonight but he should cheer up. As woke as his party has become, if Kamala loses he has a chance to become the first woman President.

On Tim Walz:

I used to think the Democrats were crazy for saying men can get periods, but then I met Tim Walz.

Tim couldn't be here tonight. But don't worry. He'll say he was.

On Kamala Harris:

Kamala couldn't be here because she's in Michigan receiving Communion from Gretchen Whitmer.

Kamala Harris released her childcare program last night. The only advice I have for her is to keep her husband Doug away from the nannies.

There's this group, White Dudes for Harris. have you heard of them? I'm not worried because their wives and their wives lovers are all voting for me!

Funny stuff. Much as I dislike both candidates, Trump is way better in situations like this. I can't imagine Harris sitting there listening to herself getting roasted. Nor speaking without a teleprompter or her aides feeding her lines. It's not at all surprising she is the first Presidential candidate since Walter Mondale to skip this dinner. And as Trump also pointed out, how did that work out for him?