It seems this is my go-to place for this kind of thing.

I just suggested that my older kids, 4½ and 7½, stay more with their mother than with me. It hurt so bad to do, but I can't see how else things will calm down.

Backstory: met a girl 10 years ago, got two kids (A and L) with her, got dumped 3 years ago as she would like to pursue someone else, plus she admitted she had several times during our relationship fallen in love with others. The kids stayed with us every other week since December. Quite often she starts various discussions when one of us is picking the kids up, the kind which I feel is better held without sensitive ears nearby.

2 years ago I met Johanna, we moved in together last summer and had a baby, V, on June 18. I've worked a lot at not letting the ex take time and energy at the expense of this family, but sometimes it still happens. To be honest I do not trust her judgement.

Last week she suggested, when picking the kids up, that we/they should get a GPS watch with phone capability, aimed at kids/parents. I did not want to discuss that with the kids nearby and asked her to send an email about that, so that I could know more about her thinking and make a decision. I was also quite sure that I 1) do not want her monitoring where we go*, and 2) do not want her calling all the time, which was what she did to me before I stopped picking up until she had declared her intent beforehand. No email came.

Today I was picking up the kids from her, and L had the watch around her wrist. I said I wanted to know the purpose (still uncomfortable at having this kind of discussion in front of the kids), and she said it was so they could call when they wanted to talk. I said my phone can call her if they just tell me they want to, and said that the watch phone could stay with their mother.

After this I came to the decision that if they miss their mother so much, perhaps it is better that they set up a proper base there. I talked to the kids in the afternoon about what was different between here and their mother's place, if there was anything they missed when at one place and so on. They both missed their mother while here, friends in the neighborhood while there (we live in a great neighborhood for kids), and then told them I'd speak to their mother about them staying there more. They took it veryuch in stride, I was surprised they didn't react more.

I guess I'm mostly looking for validation, but please let me know if I'm doing something stupid or anything is unclear.

• for quite some time, I wrote her every week to tell what the kids had been doing. As the replies were few and far between, I stopped.