The other day I witnessed a jailbreak. I saw a midget escaping who sneered at me as he climbed down the fence. I thought, “well, that’s a little condescending.”

What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.

I started a band called 999 Megabytes — we haven’t gotten a gig yet.

In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night. It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.

Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water? Because if they fell forwards they’d still be in the boat.