Journal: Entry for Beqi
The brick wall
Today was a brick wall that kept bashing itself into me. I am so confused and hurt and frustrated and angry and scared. How do I get around this? How do I get through it? He is so determined and focused against doing school that it is nearly impossible for us to have a single day that doesn't crumble into pieces and things get skipped and left behind and we go to our afternoons with mutual feelings of aggravation toward each other. This is my son! My fabulous vibrant amazing wonderful child. I'm so tried of fighting him. The struggle is wearing me out. I'm worried if I take him back to school they will not give him the assistance he needs. His autism is so mild. He is at so many different levels in his skills. His reading is above grade, his math and science is about at grade his writing is way below grade level. where would they put him? What is the right answer? Homeschool would work best because he can progress at his rate in any subject. It is also the worst because he is in the "I'm at home" mind set and thinking about anything other than school work. So many distractions and other activities at home who would want to do school? I need to be better. I need to keep up the fight. I am his advocate. I am tired!! I try to impress the importance of education. That only lasts about ten minutes until the whining and stubborn silence and looks of blank daydreaming take over again. I have left him today with a list of work to do. He doesn't want me there to nudge him to do his work, then I will let him at it himself. It has been an hour and a half, he has practiced about 7 spelling words on his white board. 7. in an hour and a half. Brick wall hitting me in the face. I can't break down in front of him. I have to remain calm. Yelling at him and threatening him have the opposite reaction in him than getting him to buckle down and work. He panics and goes into survival mode. We have the diagnosis, we are waiting for the next step, some specialist is supposed to contact us from the clinic. They cannot contact us soon enough. My head is getting soft and my fuse is getting short. I love to enjoy my son. I just hate fighting him to get school done. I don't need a break. I'm ready to tackle this. I have great energy and ideas and plans. We just need a small miracle, we need a small change. I need to keep hitting that wall until I find the weak point and break through. Today, he has his list. He wants to do it without me. He may be at this till bed time. *sigh*
Today was a brick wall that kept bashing itself into me. I am so confused and hurt and frustrated and angry and scared. How do I get around this? How do I get through it? He is so determined and focused against doing school that it is nearly impossible for us to have a single day that doesn't crumble into pieces and things get skipped and left behind and we go to our afternoons with mutual feelings of aggravation toward each other. This is my son! My fabulous vibrant amazing wonderful child. I'm so tried of fighting him. The struggle is wearing me out. I'm worried if I take him back to school they will not give him the assistance he needs. His autism is so mild. He is at so many different levels in his skills. His reading is above grade, his math and science is about at grade his writing is way below grade level. where would they put him? What is the right answer? Homeschool would work best because he can progress at his rate in any subject. It is also the worst because he is in the "I'm at home" mind set and thinking about anything other than school work. So many distractions and other activities at home who would want to do school? I need to be better. I need to keep up the fight. I am his advocate. I am tired!! I try to impress the importance of education. That only lasts about ten minutes until the whining and stubborn silence and looks of blank daydreaming take over again. I have left him today with a list of work to do. He doesn't want me there to nudge him to do his work, then I will let him at it himself. It has been an hour and a half, he has practiced about 7 spelling words on his white board. 7. in an hour and a half. Brick wall hitting me in the face. I can't break down in front of him. I have to remain calm. Yelling at him and threatening him have the opposite reaction in him than getting him to buckle down and work. He panics and goes into survival mode. We have the diagnosis, we are waiting for the next step, some specialist is supposed to contact us from the clinic. They cannot contact us soon enough. My head is getting soft and my fuse is getting short. I love to enjoy my son. I just hate fighting him to get school done. I don't need a break. I'm ready to tackle this. I have great energy and ideas and plans. We just need a small miracle, we need a small change. I need to keep hitting that wall until I find the weak point and break through. Today, he has his list. He wants to do it without me. He may be at this till bed time. *sigh*
*MySmiley*
Also known as kazetaran
"The Daleks on the bus say exter-min-ate" Taran 9-3-2012
Also known as kazetaran
"The Daleks on the bus say exter-min-ate" Taran 9-3-2012
Update
Giving him the work and letting him at it was not a bad experiment. We will try it some more. He seems to get things done better without interference. We will get there! 
Beqi, do you guys have any of those "homeschool schools"??
The schooling is all primarily at home, but there's variable number of meetings each week for reinforcement, evaluation, socialization and filling in unanswered whys the parent just couldn't answer. The little girl I used to babysit who was OCD/Bipolar/Tourettes did this kind of schooling and it worked out very nicely for her while they tried to iron out her various interaction issues.
Maybe this "out of house" time would work well for him?
Maybe this "out of house" time would work well for him?
There are some homeschool groups here that meet once or twice a month.
I do have him in outside classes. He has a drawing teacher right now who is awesome with him. It is a homeschool kids class, and I think I will get him involved in more of the classes for homeschoolers on base.