Journal: Entry for sue
I just can't understand what has just happened to me.
My boyfriend since eight years back has left me. To find out his feelings for another girl. But he can't really tell me that he wanted to leave me, there is still some hope that he'll return to me. He left me to give us a chance. But his feelings for me are clouded and blocked he says. And so he sleeps with another girl? I know I should just tell him to fuck off, but eight years is a lot, and I still love him like crazy. I believed him every time he said that he'd never cheat on me, and that he would never stop loving me. Now I'm just so chocked, and every time I've slept I wake up and have forgotten everything! So I kinda have to go through it all over again. It was sunday that he left me, and I can feel my tears are almost running dry now. But I'm stuck with my apathy and shivers without tears. Maybe I'm just dehydrated. I haven't eaten much at all. I just desperately need to get out of this situation, he's hurting me so bad, but I just can't tell him to fuck off.
The thing is, we've lived apart for the last two years. He had a job in a small town, and I moved to Stockholm to find a job. In august last year, we got an apartment in Stockholm. He had to work in the small town until june though, so he stayed there, living here sunday-monday (and leaving for another work tuesday mornings). He had three jobs at the same time, while actually freelancing with doing magic, illustrating and webdesigning.
Myself, I got 'promoted' at work around christmas time. And with that came the stress, my stomach has actually gone bananas during this spring, doctors say that it's because of stress. I can barely handle my job right now, because it's too stressful. At the same time, this spring I had a friend living at my place to keep the rent down. She had 4-5 medications for anxiety, depression and those kind of stuff. Bottom line, she wasn't doing very well. She also mixed her drugs with alcohol. I woke up one morning and realized she had burned popcorn in the microwave and not ever realized it. Another night, she was standing in the kitchen, while the tap in the bathroom was running, and water slowly filling up. It was pretty stressful, but I couldn't kick her out, although her money never came, because she had nowhere to go and I was (still am) her friend.
So I guess we had very little time for eachother, and he kind of slipped away from me.
He hung out a lot with a new friend from his school that he's working on, although not his student, and then suddenly they started making out. He never realized that it would happen. But when it did, he couldn't say that he regretted it happening. And needed to find out what it was. But we were going on a vacation to France for some 11-12 days, with a bunch of friends. We shared a small apartment (one room) with three other friends. One day he'd want me, kiss me, we even had sex. But maybe the next day, or just a moment after he went cold. So this back and forthing went along for the whole week, he said he wanted a break when we came back, just to figure things out. Still meet in weekends, but not in the weeks. Then just the morning he was gonna leave (he left one day early), he just said that he don't believe in that kind of thing and simply left me. Like, it's over. But just before he went away, he told me that he had to do this to give us a chance.
Now he's hanging out more with that girl, fucking her, but still can't say that he really wants to leave me. He can't say that he really wants to be with her. He still wants to find out what it is. So I'm sitting here waiting for an answer. Hoping he'll come back. Although he's hurting me more than anyone should stand for. But I just get in there for another mental beating.
Everything just feels so hopeless.
My boyfriend since eight years back has left me. To find out his feelings for another girl. But he can't really tell me that he wanted to leave me, there is still some hope that he'll return to me. He left me to give us a chance. But his feelings for me are clouded and blocked he says. And so he sleeps with another girl? I know I should just tell him to fuck off, but eight years is a lot, and I still love him like crazy. I believed him every time he said that he'd never cheat on me, and that he would never stop loving me. Now I'm just so chocked, and every time I've slept I wake up and have forgotten everything! So I kinda have to go through it all over again. It was sunday that he left me, and I can feel my tears are almost running dry now. But I'm stuck with my apathy and shivers without tears. Maybe I'm just dehydrated. I haven't eaten much at all. I just desperately need to get out of this situation, he's hurting me so bad, but I just can't tell him to fuck off.
The thing is, we've lived apart for the last two years. He had a job in a small town, and I moved to Stockholm to find a job. In august last year, we got an apartment in Stockholm. He had to work in the small town until june though, so he stayed there, living here sunday-monday (and leaving for another work tuesday mornings). He had three jobs at the same time, while actually freelancing with doing magic, illustrating and webdesigning.
Myself, I got 'promoted' at work around christmas time. And with that came the stress, my stomach has actually gone bananas during this spring, doctors say that it's because of stress. I can barely handle my job right now, because it's too stressful. At the same time, this spring I had a friend living at my place to keep the rent down. She had 4-5 medications for anxiety, depression and those kind of stuff. Bottom line, she wasn't doing very well. She also mixed her drugs with alcohol. I woke up one morning and realized she had burned popcorn in the microwave and not ever realized it. Another night, she was standing in the kitchen, while the tap in the bathroom was running, and water slowly filling up. It was pretty stressful, but I couldn't kick her out, although her money never came, because she had nowhere to go and I was (still am) her friend.
So I guess we had very little time for eachother, and he kind of slipped away from me.
He hung out a lot with a new friend from his school that he's working on, although not his student, and then suddenly they started making out. He never realized that it would happen. But when it did, he couldn't say that he regretted it happening. And needed to find out what it was. But we were going on a vacation to France for some 11-12 days, with a bunch of friends. We shared a small apartment (one room) with three other friends. One day he'd want me, kiss me, we even had sex. But maybe the next day, or just a moment after he went cold. So this back and forthing went along for the whole week, he said he wanted a break when we came back, just to figure things out. Still meet in weekends, but not in the weeks. Then just the morning he was gonna leave (he left one day early), he just said that he don't believe in that kind of thing and simply left me. Like, it's over. But just before he went away, he told me that he had to do this to give us a chance.
Now he's hanging out more with that girl, fucking her, but still can't say that he really wants to leave me. He can't say that he really wants to be with her. He still wants to find out what it is. So I'm sitting here waiting for an answer. Hoping he'll come back. Although he's hurting me more than anyone should stand for. But I just get in there for another mental beating.
Everything just feels so hopeless.
Let the LoL rule 
And This Is Why You Don't Cheat.
Not because the other person will dump you, kick you out, take all ya'lls stuff, not because of the consequences to you when you're (inevitably) caught, but because you don't put someone you love through what you're going through now. You certainly don't continue doing it when you can see before your very eyes what it's doing to them. I'm FAR from a relationship expert, but from where I sit it seems like his feelings for this girl he's known, what, since Fall? are a lot less important than his feelings for you, which he's making all too clear. If he loved the girl he's been with for eight years he wouldn't abandon her for a girl he's known eight months.
I'm really sorry for that, because I know it won't make anything hurt less, but you don't deserve what he's doing to you, no one does, and, IMHO you're well rid of him. It's a lot better than letting him go "find himself" sleeping with someone else until he's ready to come home like nothing happened--until the next time he does it, since he's already established he can do it without any suffering (by him. ) I mean, seriously, "I have to go sleep with her some more to give us a chance, but maybe I'll be back?" Takes a lot of nerve (and little appreciation) to even think you'd WANT him back after that. This leaves you free for the guy who DOES deserve the kind of person who'll go to the wall for her those she loves as you have.
I'm really sorry for that, because I know it won't make anything hurt less, but you don't deserve what he's doing to you, no one does, and, IMHO you're well rid of him. It's a lot better than letting him go "find himself" sleeping with someone else until he's ready to come home like nothing happened--until the next time he does it, since he's already established he can do it without any suffering (by him. ) I mean, seriously, "I have to go sleep with her some more to give us a chance, but maybe I'll be back?" Takes a lot of nerve (and little appreciation) to even think you'd WANT him back after that. This leaves you free for the guy who DOES deserve the kind of person who'll go to the wall for her those she loves as you have.
Re: Madness...
Well. He says he can't demand that I wait for him. He knows this hurts me deeply. And the thing is, he's been there for me all this time. I'm thinking all the stress he's been exposed to has made him confused. His father is dying, and he's only 27 years old. Top it off with stress from all other things in his life, even the stress of feeling hopeless over MY stress, and what would that do to a man? Can I really just leave him like that? I want to support him and his family, but I'm thinking he's too confused to know if he wants my help. I can't abandon him like this, he's in too much pain. I know it's stupid, because he's causing me a lot of pain now, but he's like family to me, and I want to help. I also want him to just come home and forget all about that other WHORE. I'm sure she's not a whore, but what kind of person thinks it's ok to fuck someones life up like that? I mean, he's helplessly confused and she's taking advantage of that. I'm sure she likes him and all, but can't she see what she's doing to other people?
It seems that maybe I'm giving him too much credit. But I can't accept that he would feel more for her than me. It's so crazy.
It seems that maybe I'm giving him too much credit. But I can't accept that he would feel more for her than me. It's so crazy.
You are giving him way too much credit.
Ditch him.
Ouch. Kick his sorry ass to the curb. He's getting 2 chicks, for the price of zero. *NM*
I just can't understand what has just happened to me.
My boyfriend since eight years back has left me. To find out his feelings for another girl. But he can't really tell me that he wanted to leave me, there is still some hope that he'll return to me. He left me to give us a chance. But his feelings for me are clouded and blocked he says. And so he sleeps with another girl? I know I should just tell him to fuck off, but eight years is a lot, and I still love him like crazy. I believed him every time he said that he'd never cheat on me, and that he would never stop loving me. Now I'm just so chocked, and every time I've slept I wake up and have forgotten everything! So I kinda have to go through it all over again. It was sunday that he left me, and I can feel my tears are almost running dry now. But I'm stuck with my apathy and shivers without tears. Maybe I'm just dehydrated. I haven't eaten much at all. I just desperately need to get out of this situation, he's hurting me so bad, but I just can't tell him to fuck off.
The thing is, we've lived apart for the last two years. He had a job in a small town, and I moved to Stockholm to find a job. In august last year, we got an apartment in Stockholm. He had to work in the small town until june though, so he stayed there, living here sunday-monday (and leaving for another work tuesday mornings). He had three jobs at the same time, while actually freelancing with doing magic, illustrating and webdesigning.
Myself, I got 'promoted' at work around christmas time. And with that came the stress, my stomach has actually gone bananas during this spring, doctors say that it's because of stress. I can barely handle my job right now, because it's too stressful. At the same time, this spring I had a friend living at my place to keep the rent down. She had 4-5 medications for anxiety, depression and those kind of stuff. Bottom line, she wasn't doing very well. She also mixed her drugs with alcohol. I woke up one morning and realized she had burned popcorn in the microwave and not ever realized it. Another night, she was standing in the kitchen, while the tap in the bathroom was running, and water slowly filling up. It was pretty stressful, but I couldn't kick her out, although her money never came, because she had nowhere to go and I was (still am) her friend.
So I guess we had very little time for eachother, and he kind of slipped away from me.
He hung out a lot with a new friend from his school that he's working on, although not his student, and then suddenly they started making out. He never realized that it would happen. But when it did, he couldn't say that he regretted it happening. And needed to find out what it was. But we were going on a vacation to France for some 11-12 days, with a bunch of friends. We shared a small apartment (one room) with three other friends. One day he'd want me, kiss me, we even had sex. But maybe the next day, or just a moment after he went cold. So this back and forthing went along for the whole week, he said he wanted a break when we came back, just to figure things out. Still meet in weekends, but not in the weeks. Then just the morning he was gonna leave (he left one day early), he just said that he don't believe in that kind of thing and simply left me. Like, it's over. But just before he went away, he told me that he had to do this to give us a chance.
Now he's hanging out more with that girl, fucking her, but still can't say that he really wants to leave me. He can't say that he really wants to be with her. He still wants to find out what it is. So I'm sitting here waiting for an answer. Hoping he'll come back. Although he's hurting me more than anyone should stand for. But I just get in there for another mental beating.
Everything just feels so hopeless.
Yea.. bye bye..
You really, really don't need him.. it's going to hurt like hell, but you need break away from his foolishness.
Are you really blaming the girl?
And saying it's all her fault for doing this to you? It's his fault for doing this to you. He is the one doing this to you.
And really??? He's confused?? The way you can know the true nature of someone is how they act when they are most stressed out and strained. He cheated on you! I'm pretty sure cheating on someone saying your sorry but deciding to do it anyway is a huge douchebag thing to do to someone. He made the decision to cheat on you. If it wasn't this girl... it would have been another girl. The common factor is him. You need to stop making excuses for his horrible behaviour.
I know you're all kinds of depressed about this. But you really need to get out of this situation and tell him to not bother coming back to you. Maybe then he'll feel some regret on losing a fantastic woman like yourself.
And really??? He's confused?? The way you can know the true nature of someone is how they act when they are most stressed out and strained. He cheated on you! I'm pretty sure cheating on someone saying your sorry but deciding to do it anyway is a huge douchebag thing to do to someone. He made the decision to cheat on you. If it wasn't this girl... it would have been another girl. The common factor is him. You need to stop making excuses for his horrible behaviour.
I know you're all kinds of depressed about this. But you really need to get out of this situation and tell him to not bother coming back to you. Maybe then he'll feel some regret on losing a fantastic woman like yourself.
He already left you.
It's very clear that he doesn't want to be with you. If he did, if he had feelings for you, he would not risk it the way he is. His actions should that he's 100% over it, and doesn't give a damn - about your feelings, or your future together. 8 years is a long time and I understand you have feelings, but this relationship is over. He's not cheating on you - he announced his intentions to be romantically involved with someone else and not you. In other words, he dumped you. If you keep thinking that maybe it will still work out, that he still cares for you, 1) it will only hurt more and drag out longer, and 2) you'd be wrong. He's checked out.
Thanks y'all...
I can se the truth in what you're all saying. Last night however, he came over so we could talk some. It ended up with us sleeping toghether, having sex and this morning I just gave him a bj. I love doing that however, so it's not like a big favor, it's more something I do toghether with someone who I like.
This is crazy right? But I know he still has feelings for me. So I guess there still is some hope of us hooking up again.
But I guess he still has feelings for that other girl too.
That's the thing, I guess he really does.
But what life-long realtionship hasn't gone through periods when feelings dwindled? They come back again. I've not always felt as strongly for him, it comes and goes, but he's always family to me, I'd rather chew off one of my arms than leave him.
I'm so making excuses... Well, we're going to therapy together next tuesday. To find out what to do. If we will let each other go, the therapy will be working for separating us with as little trouble as possible.
Although, I'm hoping for us to work things out.
Foolishness I suppose.
This is crazy right? But I know he still has feelings for me. So I guess there still is some hope of us hooking up again.
But I guess he still has feelings for that other girl too.
That's the thing, I guess he really does.
But what life-long realtionship hasn't gone through periods when feelings dwindled? They come back again. I've not always felt as strongly for him, it comes and goes, but he's always family to me, I'd rather chew off one of my arms than leave him.
I'm so making excuses... Well, we're going to therapy together next tuesday. To find out what to do. If we will let each other go, the therapy will be working for separating us with as little trouble as possible.
Although, I'm hoping for us to work things out.
Foolishness I suppose.
Huh...
...well he's certainly got his cake and eating it isn't he? 2 girls both sleeping with him, result.
Sounds like a classic case of 'can i do better'? Where a guy, who's been dating the same girl since his teens, hits a certain age and thinks "can i do better, have i missed out?"
He then proceeds to leave said girl and go elsewhere, however he's also worried he may not find anything better, and so keeps the ex on tap and sweet just in case he has to settle for her in the end.
Well, are you happy to be the one he 'settled' on because he couldn't find anything better? If not, you know what to do.
Sounds like a classic case of 'can i do better'? Where a guy, who's been dating the same girl since his teens, hits a certain age and thinks "can i do better, have i missed out?"
He then proceeds to leave said girl and go elsewhere, however he's also worried he may not find anything better, and so keeps the ex on tap and sweet just in case he has to settle for her in the end.
Well, are you happy to be the one he 'settled' on because he couldn't find anything better? If not, you know what to do.
MORE MADNESS!
Ok, sadness has gone over to anger.
I spoke with him tonight, and it's plain to see he's a total jerk.
Now he's hurt both of us, he can't even remeber kissing me, he can't remember ASKING for the bj, and he left me crying on a train to go to the other girl. I'm not taking any more of this. I'm still very hurt. He's ruined my life. Now it's up to me to pick myself up and do better.
I don't deserve this. He claims he was mostly horny and a little nostalgic when sleeping with me. That is not ok. It is so not ok. I can do better. Hell, if I'm lonely for the rest of my life I'll be better off. That's a fact. He's a total jerk.
I can't say that I don't want him anymore and be totally honest with myself, but it will pass.
Hey, why do you always wanna call your ex at times like this?
I can't figure out why. Maybe it's because you know someone who you thought you couldn't live without doesn't mean all that much anymore and try to grasp that feeling.
Bah, who knows?
I WILL SURVIVE!
I spoke with him tonight, and it's plain to see he's a total jerk.
Now he's hurt both of us, he can't even remeber kissing me, he can't remember ASKING for the bj, and he left me crying on a train to go to the other girl. I'm not taking any more of this. I'm still very hurt. He's ruined my life. Now it's up to me to pick myself up and do better.
I don't deserve this. He claims he was mostly horny and a little nostalgic when sleeping with me. That is not ok. It is so not ok. I can do better. Hell, if I'm lonely for the rest of my life I'll be better off. That's a fact. He's a total jerk.
I can't say that I don't want him anymore and be totally honest with myself, but it will pass.
Hey, why do you always wanna call your ex at times like this?
I can't figure out why. Maybe it's because you know someone who you thought you couldn't live without doesn't mean all that much anymore and try to grasp that feeling.
Bah, who knows?
I WILL SURVIVE!
Finally!
You do deserve better! No one deserves to be treated that way.
Good luck with ridding yourself of him forever. <3
Good luck with ridding yourself of him forever. <3
Thanks a lot people!
It still hurts, but you got the right of it.
Thanks for all your support. It's funny how people you don't know seem to care more than someone who you've spent a good third of your life with.
Thanks for all your support. It's funny how people you don't know seem to care more than someone who you've spent a good third of your life with.
*hugs* *NM*
I just can't understand what has just happened to me.
My boyfriend since eight years back has left me. To find out his feelings for another girl. But he can't really tell me that he wanted to leave me, there is still some hope that he'll return to me. He left me to give us a chance. But his feelings for me are clouded and blocked he says. And so he sleeps with another girl? I know I should just tell him to fuck off, but eight years is a lot, and I still love him like crazy. I believed him every time he said that he'd never cheat on me, and that he would never stop loving me. Now I'm just so chocked, and every time I've slept I wake up and have forgotten everything! So I kinda have to go through it all over again. It was sunday that he left me, and I can feel my tears are almost running dry now. But I'm stuck with my apathy and shivers without tears. Maybe I'm just dehydrated. I haven't eaten much at all. I just desperately need to get out of this situation, he's hurting me so bad, but I just can't tell him to fuck off.
The thing is, we've lived apart for the last two years. He had a job in a small town, and I moved to Stockholm to find a job. In august last year, we got an apartment in Stockholm. He had to work in the small town until june though, so he stayed there, living here sunday-monday (and leaving for another work tuesday mornings). He had three jobs at the same time, while actually freelancing with doing magic, illustrating and webdesigning.
Myself, I got 'promoted' at work around christmas time. And with that came the stress, my stomach has actually gone bananas during this spring, doctors say that it's because of stress. I can barely handle my job right now, because it's too stressful. At the same time, this spring I had a friend living at my place to keep the rent down. She had 4-5 medications for anxiety, depression and those kind of stuff. Bottom line, she wasn't doing very well. She also mixed her drugs with alcohol. I woke up one morning and realized she had burned popcorn in the microwave and not ever realized it. Another night, she was standing in the kitchen, while the tap in the bathroom was running, and water slowly filling up. It was pretty stressful, but I couldn't kick her out, although her money never came, because she had nowhere to go and I was (still am) her friend.
So I guess we had very little time for eachother, and he kind of slipped away from me.
He hung out a lot with a new friend from his school that he's working on, although not his student, and then suddenly they started making out. He never realized that it would happen. But when it did, he couldn't say that he regretted it happening. And needed to find out what it was. But we were going on a vacation to France for some 11-12 days, with a bunch of friends. We shared a small apartment (one room) with three other friends. One day he'd want me, kiss me, we even had sex. But maybe the next day, or just a moment after he went cold. So this back and forthing went along for the whole week, he said he wanted a break when we came back, just to figure things out. Still meet in weekends, but not in the weeks. Then just the morning he was gonna leave (he left one day early), he just said that he don't believe in that kind of thing and simply left me. Like, it's over. But just before he went away, he told me that he had to do this to give us a chance.
Now he's hanging out more with that girl, fucking her, but still can't say that he really wants to leave me. He can't say that he really wants to be with her. He still wants to find out what it is. So I'm sitting here waiting for an answer. Hoping he'll come back. Although he's hurting me more than anyone should stand for. But I just get in there for another mental beating.
Everything just feels so hopeless.
My boyfriend since eight years back has left me. To find out his feelings for another girl. But he can't really tell me that he wanted to leave me, there is still some hope that he'll return to me. He left me to give us a chance. But his feelings for me are clouded and blocked he says. And so he sleeps with another girl? I know I should just tell him to fuck off, but eight years is a lot, and I still love him like crazy. I believed him every time he said that he'd never cheat on me, and that he would never stop loving me. Now I'm just so chocked, and every time I've slept I wake up and have forgotten everything! So I kinda have to go through it all over again. It was sunday that he left me, and I can feel my tears are almost running dry now. But I'm stuck with my apathy and shivers without tears. Maybe I'm just dehydrated. I haven't eaten much at all. I just desperately need to get out of this situation, he's hurting me so bad, but I just can't tell him to fuck off.
The thing is, we've lived apart for the last two years. He had a job in a small town, and I moved to Stockholm to find a job. In august last year, we got an apartment in Stockholm. He had to work in the small town until june though, so he stayed there, living here sunday-monday (and leaving for another work tuesday mornings). He had three jobs at the same time, while actually freelancing with doing magic, illustrating and webdesigning.
Myself, I got 'promoted' at work around christmas time. And with that came the stress, my stomach has actually gone bananas during this spring, doctors say that it's because of stress. I can barely handle my job right now, because it's too stressful. At the same time, this spring I had a friend living at my place to keep the rent down. She had 4-5 medications for anxiety, depression and those kind of stuff. Bottom line, she wasn't doing very well. She also mixed her drugs with alcohol. I woke up one morning and realized she had burned popcorn in the microwave and not ever realized it. Another night, she was standing in the kitchen, while the tap in the bathroom was running, and water slowly filling up. It was pretty stressful, but I couldn't kick her out, although her money never came, because she had nowhere to go and I was (still am) her friend.
So I guess we had very little time for eachother, and he kind of slipped away from me.
He hung out a lot with a new friend from his school that he's working on, although not his student, and then suddenly they started making out. He never realized that it would happen. But when it did, he couldn't say that he regretted it happening. And needed to find out what it was. But we were going on a vacation to France for some 11-12 days, with a bunch of friends. We shared a small apartment (one room) with three other friends. One day he'd want me, kiss me, we even had sex. But maybe the next day, or just a moment after he went cold. So this back and forthing went along for the whole week, he said he wanted a break when we came back, just to figure things out. Still meet in weekends, but not in the weeks. Then just the morning he was gonna leave (he left one day early), he just said that he don't believe in that kind of thing and simply left me. Like, it's over. But just before he went away, he told me that he had to do this to give us a chance.
Now he's hanging out more with that girl, fucking her, but still can't say that he really wants to leave me. He can't say that he really wants to be with her. He still wants to find out what it is. So I'm sitting here waiting for an answer. Hoping he'll come back. Although he's hurting me more than anyone should stand for. But I just get in there for another mental beating.
Everything just feels so hopeless.
The reason you still want to call him is because he's your default go-to person
You're going to go through a period where you have to unlearn him.
It's not going to be easy nor pretty. Your feelings will want the opposite, because you never wanted this in the first place.
It's not going to be easy nor pretty. Your feelings will want the opposite, because you never wanted this in the first place.