Journal: Entry for The_Muted_Grimaud
Moving out in a week and other changes! 
Author: The_Muted_Grimaud Send a noteboard
Posted: 26/07/2012 05:12:13 AM
Views: 9359
I think this month, a mostly month in which I've just worked and not much else (saved money at least), is going to be a very strange month of change. First off ...
Moving to Forest Hills next week. That day is finally arriving, August 1st, I move into the apartment I signed the lease for back at the end of May. I'm so looking forward to it. I've already begun packing and gathering my belongings from the rest of my current apartment. Only a week away!
As far as my soon to be ex-roommate, things have settled down with him, somewhat. He's not utterly depressed over his ex-girlfriend anymore, we've had several 2-3 hour talks about it, and he's found some rekindling of spirit. The man just doesn't know what to do with himself now, though, he never leaves this apartment, not for anything except work. He's making me look like a busy body. And he's still obsessed over her, just in a different way.
His rant about his ex-girlfirend this morning to another friend of his really made me wish the moving out next week would come sooner. He tried to get back with her, and when she realized they couldn't be 'just friends' at all, she completely cut the cord. So now, he's decided she's become a bitch and has brought shallowness to her life. He's decided to try and get her fired from her job and is making sure that all his friends refrain from any communication with her (they had a circle of mutual friends). Fortunately I'm not someone he's said this to; I think he realizes such a request would fall on deaf ears.
On the positive side, he's going on a two week vacation to his hometown starting tomorrow, so I can pack in peace over the next week, I'm very happy about this. I kind of feel like a bit of an asshole writing this last sentence, but I need space from him.
Second off ... )
I went to a meditation/Buddhist sermon thing. We meditated, and the leader guy (a white guy who had been training in the New Kadampa Tradition) gave a sermon. This guy was not trained in giving sermons, he really sucked at that, however various things he said were quite striking and have given me motivation to pursue Buddhism on a more serious level.
I always liked how in Buddhism, it seems that most of the responsibility for one's happiness and inner-strength was with the individual. Not with a god, or a dead prophet, but inside oneself. Just about everything said at this sermon backed up my belief on that. I really liked the idea ... (paraphrasing here) 'Every person on earth has the capability to become a loving, omniscient person.' ... Not 'omniscient' in the sense of magic powers and mind-reading, but in the sense of being perfectly happy and enlightened. It's such a beautiful idea, there is no chosen group of people, we all have the power to make ourselves into 'chosen ones'/'angels'/'gods' whatever. Bodhisattvas. So, I think I'm converting is the long story short.
Third off ... )
The one that hasn't come to fruition yet ... I'm considering therapy. For the umpteenth time in my life, but this time I think I finally have the confidence, knowledge, and financial security to actually pursue it. I don't know what I'm looking for out of it, and I don't know how my recent spiritual decision is going to affect these things. I read something interesting on the 'tower of power' website, about passive behavior and its effects on the psyche, and I have to say it read like a book of my life. I've been so passive and so dismissive of my own wants in favor of keeping other happy for so long. The decision to move out was sort of a passive-agressive response to this, I realize now.
Then I read another article on the site about better communication, and it's main message was ... "You must first love yourself to be able to effectively communicate/love others." This is something one of my closest friends has been telling me since the day I met her, and I listen, but I've never really done anything about it. I think the Buddhism/meditation will help address some of this problem, but, there's a lot of questions I have, and all the self help books in the world may or may not solve my problems. I think a therapist might give me that extra little motivation push in the right direction that a book simply can't do. I don't know ... I think it's worth it to try.
So yeah, that's this month in a nut shell, lots of hopefully deep and meaningful changes coming. For those who managed to read through my book sized entry, thanks!
Moving to Forest Hills next week. That day is finally arriving, August 1st, I move into the apartment I signed the lease for back at the end of May. I'm so looking forward to it. I've already begun packing and gathering my belongings from the rest of my current apartment. Only a week away!
As far as my soon to be ex-roommate, things have settled down with him, somewhat. He's not utterly depressed over his ex-girlfriend anymore, we've had several 2-3 hour talks about it, and he's found some rekindling of spirit. The man just doesn't know what to do with himself now, though, he never leaves this apartment, not for anything except work. He's making me look like a busy body. And he's still obsessed over her, just in a different way.
His rant about his ex-girlfirend this morning to another friend of his really made me wish the moving out next week would come sooner. He tried to get back with her, and when she realized they couldn't be 'just friends' at all, she completely cut the cord. So now, he's decided she's become a bitch and has brought shallowness to her life. He's decided to try and get her fired from her job and is making sure that all his friends refrain from any communication with her (they had a circle of mutual friends). Fortunately I'm not someone he's said this to; I think he realizes such a request would fall on deaf ears.
On the positive side, he's going on a two week vacation to his hometown starting tomorrow, so I can pack in peace over the next week, I'm very happy about this. I kind of feel like a bit of an asshole writing this last sentence, but I need space from him.
Second off ... )
I went to a meditation/Buddhist sermon thing. We meditated, and the leader guy (a white guy who had been training in the New Kadampa Tradition) gave a sermon. This guy was not trained in giving sermons, he really sucked at that, however various things he said were quite striking and have given me motivation to pursue Buddhism on a more serious level.
I always liked how in Buddhism, it seems that most of the responsibility for one's happiness and inner-strength was with the individual. Not with a god, or a dead prophet, but inside oneself. Just about everything said at this sermon backed up my belief on that. I really liked the idea ... (paraphrasing here) 'Every person on earth has the capability to become a loving, omniscient person.' ... Not 'omniscient' in the sense of magic powers and mind-reading, but in the sense of being perfectly happy and enlightened. It's such a beautiful idea, there is no chosen group of people, we all have the power to make ourselves into 'chosen ones'/'angels'/'gods' whatever. Bodhisattvas.
So, I think I'm converting is the long story short. Third off ... )
The one that hasn't come to fruition yet ... I'm considering therapy. For the umpteenth time in my life, but this time I think I finally have the confidence, knowledge, and financial security to actually pursue it. I don't know what I'm looking for out of it, and I don't know how my recent spiritual decision is going to affect these things. I read something interesting on the 'tower of power' website, about passive behavior and its effects on the psyche, and I have to say it read like a book of my life. I've been so passive and so dismissive of my own wants in favor of keeping other happy for so long. The decision to move out was sort of a passive-agressive response to this, I realize now.
Then I read another article on the site about better communication, and it's main message was ... "You must first love yourself to be able to effectively communicate/love others." This is something one of my closest friends has been telling me since the day I met her, and I listen, but I've never really done anything about it. I think the Buddhism/meditation will help address some of this problem, but, there's a lot of questions I have, and all the self help books in the world may or may not solve my problems. I think a therapist might give me that extra little motivation push in the right direction that a book simply can't do. I don't know ... I think it's worth it to try.
So yeah, that's this month in a nut shell, lots of hopefully deep and meaningful changes coming. For those who managed to read through my book sized entry, thanks!
Good on the move.
I think you'll like living in Queens better than NJ. Even if you're not physically closer to the city, you're more connected. Or maybe I'm just biased.
I am a huge, huge believer in therapy. Especially if you're receptive to it, and it sounds like you are ready. When you are forced to explain all the negative things in your head out loud to someone else, it really defuses their power. As far as being able to afford it, there are a range of specialists (social workers, therapists, life coaches) with a range of pay scales. The life coach I found is only $60 per session (probably though because she primarily does it via phone, which has to be more economical). The Institute for Mental Health on 21st Street is $20 per session (at least it was a few years ago), that is where social workers get the counseling hours they need for licensing.
Oh yeah, on the financial end. I first started seeing a therapist in college, when I was having serious problems keeping up with coursework (procrastination). I lucked in, in that my therapist was awesome (her rate now is $300), my GPA improved significantly, I got several failing grades reversed, and actually won a prize for an essay I wrote (for a class that I previously pay) - the amount of the price was about the same as the cost of the counseling for a semester, so it paid for itself really quickly. And I can't even start to quantify the effect that graduating college with a good GPA versus failing or having a terrible GPA (and depression) had on my lifetime earnings.
I know, a personal anecdote isn't always good advice. Still, I firmly believe that counseling can be a very powerful tool.
I am a huge, huge believer in therapy. Especially if you're receptive to it, and it sounds like you are ready. When you are forced to explain all the negative things in your head out loud to someone else, it really defuses their power. As far as being able to afford it, there are a range of specialists (social workers, therapists, life coaches) with a range of pay scales. The life coach I found is only $60 per session (probably though because she primarily does it via phone, which has to be more economical). The Institute for Mental Health on 21st Street is $20 per session (at least it was a few years ago), that is where social workers get the counseling hours they need for licensing.
Oh yeah, on the financial end. I first started seeing a therapist in college, when I was having serious problems keeping up with coursework (procrastination). I lucked in, in that my therapist was awesome (her rate now is $300), my GPA improved significantly, I got several failing grades reversed, and actually won a prize for an essay I wrote (for a class that I previously pay) - the amount of the price was about the same as the cost of the counseling for a semester, so it paid for itself really quickly. And I can't even start to quantify the effect that graduating college with a good GPA versus failing or having a terrible GPA (and depression) had on my lifetime earnings.
I know, a personal anecdote isn't always good advice. Still, I firmly believe that counseling can be a very powerful tool.