Journal: Entry for Tashmere
I have lost my rose-colored glasses. I desperately need them.
Author: Tashmere Send a noteboard
Posted: 02/07/2010 02:51:00 AM
Views: 3718
I need to see the world and everyone in it in their best light. I need to be able to forgive. I need to find reasons for why someone behaved in a way that could have been taken as rude, inconsiderate or scheming to make them seem not so awful. I am happy when I have my wonderful glasses on.
I had forgotten what it was like to loathe someone. It eats me up from the inside out. I am not made to hate. Please, let me wake up in a better mood tomorrow and please let me find where I put those glasses down. They have to be somewhere.
I had forgotten what it was like to loathe someone. It eats me up from the inside out. I am not made to hate. Please, let me wake up in a better mood tomorrow and please let me find where I put those glasses down. They have to be somewhere.
Anger is healthy.
It very healthy and proper to be angry. You can't always make excuses for everyone. That's not your job. People do act in ways which are inconsiderate or even deliberately mean. You just came across one. BE angry. We need to differentiate between good people and bad people. Why forgive? You only need to forgive people who love you, who've apologized, felt and expressed their regret, and have taken steps to change. But to forgive a bad person (or a person who did something bad) just because they're bad... ? Makes no sense.
Aeryn is right that some anger is healthy
But don't let it fester.
BE angry at them. Deal with the situation.
Do not forgive them. They have not earned that.
The day may come when forgiveness is possible. When they truly believe that what they have done is wrong or, at least, when they are sorry that what they have done was harmful to you. Sometimes they may not see what they did was wrong because to them it wasn't - and sometimes that's okay if you can understand it (even if you cannot agree with it).
One of my friends angered me greatly by saying lots of mean things because he felt that something I had felt was okay was 'evil'. Not being a terribly evil person, I didn't agree. On such matters, he simply has an attitude more trusting and supportive of certain groups than I do. There is nothing wrong with that - different perspectives are important. However his actions around it - those he eventually apologized (at least kind of) for. More correctly, I suppose, I chose to let them go because, childish as he was, he was at least standing up for what he legitimately felt was right and was so angry simply because he didn't understand my position. Once explaned when calmer we found some common ground and let bygones be bygones.
Note, however, that sometimes that isn't possible with some people. And sometimes when it IS possible a lot of time has to pass first.
Each situation is different - but don't forgive without finding that common ground and being sure that the forgiveness is mutual. That's just asking to be hurt again.
BE angry at them. Deal with the situation.
Do not forgive them. They have not earned that.
The day may come when forgiveness is possible. When they truly believe that what they have done is wrong or, at least, when they are sorry that what they have done was harmful to you. Sometimes they may not see what they did was wrong because to them it wasn't - and sometimes that's okay if you can understand it (even if you cannot agree with it).
One of my friends angered me greatly by saying lots of mean things because he felt that something I had felt was okay was 'evil'. Not being a terribly evil person, I didn't agree. On such matters, he simply has an attitude more trusting and supportive of certain groups than I do. There is nothing wrong with that - different perspectives are important. However his actions around it - those he eventually apologized (at least kind of) for. More correctly, I suppose, I chose to let them go because, childish as he was, he was at least standing up for what he legitimately felt was right and was so angry simply because he didn't understand my position. Once explaned when calmer we found some common ground and let bygones be bygones.
Note, however, that sometimes that isn't possible with some people. And sometimes when it IS possible a lot of time has to pass first.
Each situation is different - but don't forgive without finding that common ground and being sure that the forgiveness is mutual. That's just asking to be hurt again.
Re: I have lost my rose-colored glasses. I desperately need them. *NM*
I need to see the world and everyone in it in their best light. I need to be able to forgive. I need to find reasons for why someone behaved in a way that could have been taken as rude, inconsiderate or scheming to make them seem not so awful. I am happy when I have my wonderful glasses on.
I had forgotten what it was like to loathe someone. It eats me up from the inside out. I am not made to hate. Please, let me wake up in a better mood tomorrow and please let me find where I put those glasses down. They have to be somewhere.
I had forgotten what it was like to loathe someone. It eats me up from the inside out. I am not made to hate. Please, let me wake up in a better mood tomorrow and please let me find where I put those glasses down. They have to be somewhere.
As usual, SilverWarder is very wise.
I need to see the world and everyone in it in their best light. I need to be able to forgive. I need to find reasons for why someone behaved in a way that could have been taken as rude, inconsiderate or scheming to make them seem not so awful. I am happy when I have my wonderful glasses on.
I had forgotten what it was like to loathe someone. It eats me up from the inside out. I am not made to hate. Please, let me wake up in a better mood tomorrow and please let me find where I put those glasses down. They have to be somewhere.
I had forgotten what it was like to loathe someone. It eats me up from the inside out. I am not made to hate. Please, let me wake up in a better mood tomorrow and please let me find where I put those glasses down. They have to be somewhere.
I have little to add except my standard: Hate what they do, not whom they are. People, deliberately and otherwise, frequently do horrid things. Some never regret them, and there's nothing wrong with avoiding those people; as SW says, you're not obligated to volunteer for more abuse. On the other hand, EVERY human being has past behavior they regret, and that unites us despite the awful things some of us do to each other.
Beyond that: Doesn't it suck how if you accidentally brush the <return> key with your finger when typing the subject line of a Journal response it will post it?
' />*hugs* Don't let it get to you, and do take care of yourself. Sorry someone's got you down but, even if it means avoiding some folks for a while or even forever, I'm confident of your ability to see people as they are and cherish them, warts and all. That's indeed part of your brand of awesome.
*continues hugging*