Journal: Entry for Postsecret
Used to be I didn't care much one way or the other about Father's Day. What can I say? My father's never been much a part of my life. One year I was with a friend's family on Father's Day and they ditched their Dad to see a movie, wishing him a happy Father's Day was kind of an afterthought. You could see he was wounded even though he tried not to show it. It bothered me.
So I looked up my father on whitepages.com. He still lives the same place he has for years, so it wasn't hard. First he was paranoid about how I found his phone number. Then he spent the rest of the conversation divided between amazement at my vocabulary and repeatedly asking for assurances that I wasn't with the FBI.
Why would I be with the FBI? It didn't click. The best theory I can come up with is that he was worried that I was going to try to bust him for years upon years of unpaid child support. Or maybe bust him for pot. Because you could hear the leaf in his voice.
Prior to this, I never cared one way or the other about Father's Day. Prior to this, I never felt the lack. Since that Father's Day I've felt the lack more and more acutely. Especially on Father's Day.
Sure. It could be worse. I could have had a father that beat the hell out of me or worse. But I didn't. I had a void. An empty space that never even felt empty until recently. It never mattered for years, and now it's like living with a toothache. A dull throb that's constantly there, and every now and then something triggers it to flare up.
Such as Father's Day.
I can't bring myself to go through that phone call again. If I was meant to connect with my father, it would have probably happened prior to turning thirty. So to those RAFOlites that happen to be Dads, happy Father's Day. To those that aren't, I hope you got to do something cool with yours.
So I looked up my father on whitepages.com. He still lives the same place he has for years, so it wasn't hard. First he was paranoid about how I found his phone number. Then he spent the rest of the conversation divided between amazement at my vocabulary and repeatedly asking for assurances that I wasn't with the FBI.
Why would I be with the FBI? It didn't click. The best theory I can come up with is that he was worried that I was going to try to bust him for years upon years of unpaid child support. Or maybe bust him for pot. Because you could hear the leaf in his voice.
Prior to this, I never cared one way or the other about Father's Day. Prior to this, I never felt the lack. Since that Father's Day I've felt the lack more and more acutely. Especially on Father's Day.
Sure. It could be worse. I could have had a father that beat the hell out of me or worse. But I didn't. I had a void. An empty space that never even felt empty until recently. It never mattered for years, and now it's like living with a toothache. A dull throb that's constantly there, and every now and then something triggers it to flare up.
Such as Father's Day.
I can't bring myself to go through that phone call again. If I was meant to connect with my father, it would have probably happened prior to turning thirty. So to those RAFOlites that happen to be Dads, happy Father's Day. To those that aren't, I hope you got to do something cool with yours.
I'm really sorry about your void.
Used to be I didn't care much one way or the other about Father's Day. What can I say? My father's never been much a part of my life. One year I was with a friend's family on Father's Day and they ditched their Dad to see a movie, wishing him a happy Father's Day was kind of an afterthought. You could see he was wounded even though he tried not to show it. It bothered me.
I have a dad, or at least a "father". I did not text him, or call him to wish him a Happy Father's day.
So I looked up my father on whitepages.com. He still lives the same place he has for years, so it wasn't hard. First he was paranoid about how I found his phone number. Then he spent the rest of the conversation divided between amazement at my vocabulary and repeatedly asking for assurances that I wasn't with the FBI.
Why would I be with the FBI? It didn't click. The best theory I can come up with is that he was worried that I was going to try to bust him for years upon years of unpaid child support. Or maybe bust him for pot. Because you could hear the leaf in his voice.
Prior to this, I never cared one way or the other about Father's Day. Prior to this, I never felt the lack. Since that Father's Day I've felt the lack more and more acutely. Especially on Father's Day.
Sure. It could be worse. I could have had a father that beat the hell out of me or worse. But I didn't. I had a void. An empty space that never even felt empty until recently. It never mattered for years, and now it's like living with a toothache. A dull throb that's constantly there, and every now and then something triggers it to flare up.
Such as Father's Day.
I can't bring myself to go through that phone call again. If I was meant to connect with my father, it would have probably happened prior to turning thirty. So to those RAFOlites that happen to be Dads, happy Father's Day. To those that aren't, I hope you got to do something cool with yours.
that's difficult. we never celebrated father's day... not until they got divorced.
now it's a big deal, both father's and mother's day, but we never paid attention to them growing up so we aren't trained to remember them and thus i haven't been around my dad or mom on those days more than like once since they started caring about them. i think it's silly to have one day where you honor a parent or anyone. like valentine's day - what, you don't love your s.o. on all the other days, so you need some special day to make sure they know you love them? that's very contrived.
all i can say is live every day like you mean it, and love fully when you do. dwelling on what isn't, on the past, takes time away from what is happening now, think about using your time to be present in your life.
all i can say is live every day like you mean it, and love fully when you do. dwelling on what isn't, on the past, takes time away from what is happening now, think about using your time to be present in your life.