Journal: Entry for Lupine
I'm having one of those classic depressive nights, replete with insecurity, overeating, physical pain, tears, loneliness. But I think/hope it is only for one night. I have been doing much better for several months, and I'm off medication.
Am trying to figure out what's up tonight.
Hormones, for one thing.
And I miss my boy. He's been away on spring break for a week. It doesn't seem like a lot, but when you're used to having someone around...
He's good at making pain go away, too. My body is so frustrating. There WAS a time when I was the girl who never got sick, and my mom would tell camp counselors not to believe me if I said stuff didn't hurt, because I never noticed or bothered to complain.
Ha!
Next week is the scope. I don't want to do it. It interferes with new job, and to me there can't be a good outcome. Either they find nothing, or they find something serious (if they can detect it through a scope, it tends to be serious). The former is much more likely.
I'm not scared exactly, but I don't want to do it. And if they don't find anything, I don't want to keep going to doctors and running up bills. I'm just... tired. So instead I will try to figure out what my body is still able to digest.
Okay. Tomorrow is last day of training, and the boy comes back. Should be much happier.
Am trying to figure out what's up tonight.
Hormones, for one thing.
And I miss my boy. He's been away on spring break for a week. It doesn't seem like a lot, but when you're used to having someone around...
He's good at making pain go away, too. My body is so frustrating. There WAS a time when I was the girl who never got sick, and my mom would tell camp counselors not to believe me if I said stuff didn't hurt, because I never noticed or bothered to complain.
Ha!
Next week is the scope. I don't want to do it. It interferes with new job, and to me there can't be a good outcome. Either they find nothing, or they find something serious (if they can detect it through a scope, it tends to be serious). The former is much more likely.
I'm not scared exactly, but I don't want to do it. And if they don't find anything, I don't want to keep going to doctors and running up bills. I'm just... tired. So instead I will try to figure out what my body is still able to digest.
Okay. Tomorrow is last day of training, and the boy comes back. Should be much happier.
Re: sad.
I hope you get it worked out and feel better.
Poor girl!
I hope you get an answer to the medical stuff now soon! And try not the get worked up about how it affects your life - it will only make you more stressed out. Take one day at the time.
Good luck!
Good luck!