Actually, I don't know if this will interest anybody here, but I was going to do this anyway, so I figured it might possibly be a benefit to someone.

I went into Assassin's Creed II straight from the original, and was surprised at how slow and tedious it was. Ultimately, I just stopped playing because of how boring I found it. I have basically been told by everyone else who has ever played the games that I am completely insane and that the original Assassin's Creed was far worse.

So I've decided to try the game again, but this time I'm going to record my progress. If anybody is curious, I'll be updating this thread. Steam tells me I already have six hours spent on this thing, which I really hope was mostly from reading the histories. But then, it tells me I've got 92 minutes spent on the original, which has to be impossible.

Times are approximations.

Session 1

0:03 - So I'm going to be told in a little bit that I've been recruited because the Assassins lack personnel, and this game is about training Desmond through bleeding effect. So then, what's this business of searching for a compatible memory between Desmond and 'Subject 16' (I'm assuming Ezio is a common ancestor)? And why can't I just keep running Altair? Dude murdered people in a professional capacity and never gave a damn. And as I recall, Altair fought off both Saladin's and Richard's armies in the same battle. You'd think that's exactly the kind of guy these people want to train me as. I suspect nothing.

0:08 - I have to admit I somewhat like Desmond. He's finally learned to move at a decent pace, and he asks the same questions I do. What is the plural of animus? Also, I liked the shot of the Abstergo cubicle maze from the elevator, but I've got to wonder what the point was of making that room several stories tall.

0:09 - Well, thank Adun these security guards didn't have the time to pick up weapons after the alarm sounded, or they would surely have stopped us! I hope there's some convoluted plan behind this where Abstergo actually wants me to escape because they've injected tracers into my bones or something, but it may just be that they needed an excuse to have me mash the attack and block buttons. I suspect nothing.

0:12 - So what happened to her bloodstained shirt? Did she change while she was driving? Last thing we need is for the Assassins to die out because they can't drive safely.

I am not making a female driver joke.

"Trust me!" says Lucy. Of course! Why wouldn't I? I suspect nothing.

Oh, and my immediate thought on realising that there were three people here? "I wonder which one is going to betray us?" In hindsight, that might actually be going overboard, considering that I'm pretty sure I'm being manipulated and that already counts for our betrayal quota, and that I've also raised the suspicion that I have been tampered with by Abstergo and am therefore myself the traitor. Is it possible to be too paranoid for a game about a secret war between Assassins and the Knights Templar with mysterious alien magitech as the prize?

0:14 - I can't read most of the stuff on the billboard, but what I can see includes the names Dante, Marco Polo, and... a list of the Doges of Venice? And is that the heraldry of Venice? Because it reminds me of Venice's flag in the Medieval II and Empire Total War games. This makes me wonder, how did they know ahead of time that I would be using Ezio Auditore's memory? I mean, aside from me suspecting nothing, how did they know that both Desmond and 'Subject 16' would have this same memory? Do they have family trees? Do I get to see them? Is every Assassin a descendant of Altair? If so, that'd make him Adam. And we already have the Apple. So who's Eve?

Oh, and is that a copy of the map Altair saw when he got the Orb last game?

I wandered about the building, but there didn't seem to be anything interesting to get to. Yet.

0:18 - And we're off.

0:23 - So Ezio knocked out a nice 'your sister' diss and I got to punch people. A lot. This was the punching tutorial, right? But then, what was that back at Abstergo labs? Oh and then I punch some more people. Then I start looting their still writhing bodies. I missed the rich guy so I went through the whole lot of them before finally coming up to the one with over a hundred florins in his pockets.

That just reminds me that there's going to be money in this game. And shops. And upgrades. And customisable formalwear. And building a house. Khas damn it. What's with these RPG elements intruding in every game? I play WarCraft III? You've got heroes with abilities and exp and inventory. Shogun II: Total War? Now instead of developing characters based on their lineage or experiences, they get levels. And ability trees. Hell, Heroes of Might and Magic was already heavily RPG based, but now even your weapons have experience levels. If I wanted to play an RPG, I'd be playing Baldur's Gate, not these games. Of course, RPG elements are the easiest way to add padding to a game while giving the player the illusion of more content. That's why you had to grind hearts to buy equipment in Castlevania II: Simon's Quest.

Stupid RPGs.

0:33 - So after all that I read up the background histories that come up in this game for the places you see and people you meet. That's something I really do enjoy quite a bit. And if you don't, well, at least it's optional.

You know what isn't though? This new mission I just got to follow my brother on a short parkour path (as a native french speaker, I always want to write that as a parkour parcours ). They had this kind of mission in the original Assassin's Creed too, you just followed the path marked by Masyaf flags until it took you back to your contact. It wasn't especially thrilling then, but at least it had a point to it. Oh, and it was optional.

Stupid brother. If the mission is to get back home, than give me a mission to get back home. I don't need a tutorial to learn how to use vantage points (or whatever they're called.) In the original Assassin's Creed, your mission was always to kill some guy, and then you could choose to get enough information to plan the murder through a variety of information gathering methods. In this one, you follow along the path you've been given.

Oh, and note that I still don't have any missions to murder people. Still, I'm probably being too hasty, we've only just reached the title sequence. May it never change us.

0:38 - Not going to lie, the fact that the game gives you action commands to undress mademoiselle Vespucci is hilarious. It's probably only difficult if you're playing the PC version though, it seems to me that the colours and diamond formation are intended to resemble a controller's action buttons, whereas I have to remember which key I assigned those buttons too. Probably a good thing they didn't script anything for the input of 'armed hand' instead of 'open hand'. I'm not really into that stuff.

0:39 - Yay, a delivery quest! You have the option to refuse the mission, but that just means you have to come back later, you don't get to progress the plot without doing them. There's not even a time limit. You get a mission to go talk to some guy a few streets over.

0:43 - So I climbed a few more vantage points and read a few more historical factoids. What's that pink stuff I keep jumping into anyway? In the first game it was hay, now it appears to be leaves of some sort. Can't be autumn, can it? I thought Italy would be too close to the equator to go through this kind of seasonal defoliaging? And which tree's leaves turn pink?

0:51 - I actually got spotted by someone while I was coming back from my errand, so i had to run around until I lost them. I really like the improvement on vanishing in this game. At least now the guards search the area you were last seen in. That's nifty.

Oh and I got a mission to beat the crap out of someone! Those were also in the original Assassin's Creed as well! Except this time you don't need to wait until they're in a dark alleyway, you can beat the living hell out of them in public! Oh, and the mission isn't optional this time either. Seriously though, what's the point of this mission? I've already finished the punching tutorial. I'm not sure if it was at Abstergo or on the bridge, but either way, I punched out a lot of people. Is this guy supposed to be a boss or something? Why does the game make me beat him up?

Anyway, after the flag mission and the interrogation mission (and the rooftop run mission? What was that delivery boy mission, anyway?), I'm pretty sure I've gathered enough information that I could try out my assassination. Normally, I'd want to collect a bit more, but for the our first victim, how hard could it be?

I'm just kidding of course. I'm not killing anybody soon.

Sadly.

-0:02 - Just reading the last of my acquired factoids thus far, and I'll call it a night.

Wait, how can it be negative two minutes since I started the game?!?

Silly daylight saving time. I suspected nothing.

Session 2

1:01 - Now I've got a mission to collect feathers on the roofs. This one is timed, so it is a rooftop run mission! I have no idea what the feathers do, and I don't expect to be collecting them.

I used to be quite the completionist when I was younger. I purchased Nintendo Power's guide to Donkey Kong Country because I couldn't find that last secret-in-a-secret bonus stage. I know a way to get the 3-up Moon in Yoshi's Island 1 that doesn't require any backtracking (despite what the wiki says, you don't need the cape). I have a save for Chrono Trigger where all my characters are * level, just so I could fight Spekkio's final form. That was probably the one that broke the habit though. Grinding all those levels was so long and tedious. And so many of these secrets and achievements are just time sinks, there to pad out the game so that people have the illusion that the game has more content. It's not about whatever they give you at the end of this trial that matters, it's whether the task itself is fun. The best example of this is the difference between the Riddler Trophies in Arkham Asylum and the ones in Arkham City.

The flags in the original Assassin's Creed was probably among the worst implementations of this kind of padding I've seen. But at least it didn't unlock any game content, so you could safely ignore them without losing anything. I don't know what the feathers do, but I do know that there are other things to collect later on, and those do unlock game content. Hurrah.

1:04 - Now I've got an escort mission. Well, I call it an escort mission because that's visibly the template used, what with her visible hit point diamonds on the screen, but nobody actually attacks our mother, so it's just a mission to follow a walking woman.

1:08 - Shouldn't we be moving?

Oh, they're following me now. My bad.

1:15 - More delivery quests! But at least we're getting glimmers of a plot. I can run errands for family members in real life, and it would be about as exciting and far more productive, so I'm glad that the game has remembered we're supposed to be waging a secret war against the Knights Templar.

1:20 - Oh no! Our home has been attacked and all the male members of my family have been taken to prison! Okay, the plot is starting now, we can forget about the previous hour and start the action. But first, we must climb a tower to get instructions from our father.

1:25 - Okay, now I've got to go back where I just came from so I can get my gear and finally start assassinating people! We're getting there!

1:29 - Seriously, there are separate missions for 'go back home' and 'get your gear'? Why?

1:30 - Yay, we've finally got our outfit! This may actually have taken more time than getting Link's outfit in Twilight Princess. Don't quote me on that.

Oh, and there were guards waiting for me in case I showed up here again. That makes perfect sense. Except, where were you ten minutes ago? Back when I didn't have a sword?

1:34 - So I've delivered yet another letter, and everything's going to be all right. Unless that black-hooded man in the background was intended to be ominous. Who wears hoods in-doors?

1:38 - I haven't mentioned anything about the treacherous gonfalionere because I've already played this far and so already knew he was a traitor. Otherwise, I surely would never have expected this betrayal . Probably should have kept a copy of that evidence, Giovanni! Ah well, hindsight.

1:40 - Holy shit! While trying to escape the guards I failed to jump onto a bridge and instead fell in the water. Ezio can swim! Now I know why they wanted this guy to teach Desmond instead of Altair.

1:47 - I just got my first riddle from 'Subject 16'. Unlike the feathers, I expect that I will be hunting them down, because they're intriguing and don't appear to be especially tedious to collect. I expect the riddles will get more difficult too, this one wasn't too tough. Well, it's ridiculously easy if you've finished the original Assassin's Creed and know what you're looking for.

1:51 - Apparently, I don't get to assassinate anybody yet because I suck at the job. I don't know if this is supposed to be a reversal of Altair not being allowed to assassinate people at the beginning of the other game because he was too good at the job and grew complacent. Probably just a coincidence.

Thankfully, there's a brothel where I can hone my murdering skills. In a game of Dungeons & Dragons, when you go to a brothel to become a murderer, this is not exactly how events transpire. Not that I have any players who would do that sort of thing.

I've got to give this game credit though, 'master the ways of the courtesans' was not one of the information gathering quests in the first game.

1:58 - I lie, that was technically an escort mission where you don't fight anyone, as we did earlier. And then a mission where you bump into people to make money.

Have I mentioned that I don't like the addition of money into this game?

Oh, hey, our hidden blade doesn't even work. I guess father was lax in his Assassin duties.

That's it for today, but I'm pretty sure I'll finally get to kill someone next time!