The high road certainly isn't easy. - Edit 1
Before modification by Jacob at 25/03/2010 07:52:04 PM
Even when the stakes isn't as high as your marriage and family, the high road isn't easy most of the time.
The thing of it is, you are fighting for your family, your marriage, for people that you love. No matter how poorly she handled it, or how bad the idea of moving out was in the first place, it was a thing that she obviously felt needed to happen. Things aren't likely to change in a matter of weeks. In fact, you'll be far more likely to trust the outcome if it takes time, and measured thought, than if you came home from work and she had moved back in. You'd always be waiting for this to happen again.
If you really want things to work out, you have to be willing to forgive her... forgive her for moving out in the first place, forgive her for how she did it. The actual forgiving will probably be a long time coming. However, for actual reconciliation to come out of this, you'll have to be willing to forgive her. You'll probably have to show her that, and she'll have to believe it, before reconciliation will happen.
Money... money is always tough, especially when you don't completely trust the motivations of the person. It's probably a good idea to be as supportive as makes sense and is possible in the short term. You'll be doing it for your daughter. She needs two functioning parents, and damned if you aren't going to do what you can to make sure that your girl has everything she needs. Your wife needs to find he footing so that she can make some big decisions about her life and who she is. You need to decide what your willing to forgive, to ignore, and do in this situation. The one thing that you do know is that your daughter needs the both of you... and you can help her get what she needs right now.
Best of luck. I hope that you have someone to talk with... just you and not a couples thing, and not mutual friends.
The thing of it is, you are fighting for your family, your marriage, for people that you love. No matter how poorly she handled it, or how bad the idea of moving out was in the first place, it was a thing that she obviously felt needed to happen. Things aren't likely to change in a matter of weeks. In fact, you'll be far more likely to trust the outcome if it takes time, and measured thought, than if you came home from work and she had moved back in. You'd always be waiting for this to happen again.
If you really want things to work out, you have to be willing to forgive her... forgive her for moving out in the first place, forgive her for how she did it. The actual forgiving will probably be a long time coming. However, for actual reconciliation to come out of this, you'll have to be willing to forgive her. You'll probably have to show her that, and she'll have to believe it, before reconciliation will happen.
Money... money is always tough, especially when you don't completely trust the motivations of the person. It's probably a good idea to be as supportive as makes sense and is possible in the short term. You'll be doing it for your daughter. She needs two functioning parents, and damned if you aren't going to do what you can to make sure that your girl has everything she needs. Your wife needs to find he footing so that she can make some big decisions about her life and who she is. You need to decide what your willing to forgive, to ignore, and do in this situation. The one thing that you do know is that your daughter needs the both of you... and you can help her get what she needs right now.
Best of luck. I hope that you have someone to talk with... just you and not a couples thing, and not mutual friends.