Active Users:640 Time:02/04/2025 06:01:22 AM
Re: It's looking up a bit SilverWarder Send a noteboard - 15/03/2010 05:13:30 PM


You poor man. That is appalling.

How are things looking today? You have Melissa?


I picked up Melissa on Saturday afternoon. Dropped her off this morning. She's a bit unhappy - as 'home' isn't what it's supposed to be like. No mom. Things out of place and/or missing. She's asking for me to put on movies her mom took and can't figure out why she doesn't have her combo DVD/VHS. Amy left a VHS player but it turns out to be broken. She left a DVD player too, but didn't tell me she left it so I didn't know (it's in her study and I've been avoiding going in there, too painful).

I think, right now, Melly is blaming me somewhat simply because I'm physically there and 'there' isn't right. She's not old enough to understand.

I'm doing my best with her. We had some happy times at least.


Did Amy wreck the house or was it just untidy/whatever? If she did, I'd say that's pointing to rather more than depression.


Just trashed from trying to find, pack and move four years accumulation of stuff with no prior planning in less than a day. Closets opened up and stuff discombobulated. Stuff she didn't get to filling one corner of the kitchen, junk all over the dining room table some of which stays and some of which goes. Carpets a disaster from muck tramped all over them and the fact that the house wasn't in terribly great shape BEFORE all this happened.

So no - not maliciously trashed. More incidentally trashed. But pretty trashed regardless.

I spent a chunk of the weekend cleaning. Got two loads of dishes done, almost all the (very backlogged) laundry and got Melissa's room un-trashed and vacuumed and made safe again. The carpet in there needs cleaning, but that's from stuff before all of this (pop spilled by the little one while I was at work that didn't get cleaned up and left for days etc.)

In fact, her bedroom is cleaner that it has been previously save for right after we (usually I but not always) had cleaned it.

Speaking as someone who does find it very difficult to confront things and discuss them, you might have to force her to talk. I don't know how you'd do that, though I suppose every couple knows the buttons to press.


Probably not a great idea. Amy has a pretty abusive background and 'pushing' her into trying to deal with some of her issues - particularly the ones that were very negatively affecting Melly and I, could probably be said to be the very worst thing I've done in this relationship. Even then I tried very hard not to be personally mean but to stay focussed on the issue and not make it into personal attacks.

I'm going to encourage her to try some counselling treatment and some couples counselling if she'll agree to that (she tentatively has although she's not rushing into it). Perhaps that will help.

Thinking of you either way, and feel free to rant/rave/vent/sob in my direction any time you like.


*Hug* Thanks. At the moment I'm dealing okay. Better, in fact, than I thought I would now that things are starting to settle.

I was a freakin' basket case when I wrote the original post. I don't think I've ever been so hurt in my entire life. One big hurdle she's going to have to clear is earning my trust again after this although I'm trying to keep it in perspective.

I mean, if all this was nothing but a really messy inconvenient move for a few weeks in the end, that's hardly the end of the world. However it's hard on our daughter and that's not a good thing.
May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk.

Old Egyptian Blessing
Reply to message
And then, yesterday - the world came apart - 13/03/2010 02:09:42 PM 1154 Views
*hugs* - 13/03/2010 02:21:49 PM 531 Views
*Hug* - 15/03/2010 03:53:34 PM 492 Views
I'm so sorry to hear that. - 13/03/2010 04:06:26 PM 608 Views
Thank you Sareitha - 16/03/2010 12:56:30 AM 494 Views
Oh my goodness. - 13/03/2010 04:40:30 PM 502 Views
Thanks Jen - 16/03/2010 12:58:22 AM 445 Views
It may not do much good to say this, but - 18/03/2010 05:37:46 AM 490 Views
Perhaps I should have said - 18/03/2010 01:49:43 PM 530 Views
how scary. - 13/03/2010 05:27:09 PM 618 Views
It is, thank you. - 16/03/2010 01:00:35 AM 517 Views
Wow...I'm sorry man - 13/03/2010 06:09:01 PM 493 Views
wow.. - 13/03/2010 06:21:56 PM 516 Views
I wouldn't call that nothing. That could make it better. - 14/03/2010 02:59:49 AM 523 Views
oh, my - 13/03/2010 06:47:00 PM 549 Views
How utterly selfish and childish of her - 13/03/2010 07:06:34 PM 611 Views
Re: And then, yesterday - the world came apart - 13/03/2010 07:11:59 PM 617 Views
Oh, I'm so sorry. - 13/03/2010 07:41:48 PM 549 Views
Holy shit, man. - 13/03/2010 08:31:49 PM 506 Views
I know exactly what you are going through. - 13/03/2010 11:19:47 PM 498 Views
There is a little hope here... - 14/03/2010 12:24:19 AM 521 Views
In Case I haven't said it enough, I <3 you, Tashmere!! *NM* - 14/03/2010 06:33:31 AM 218 Views
Some, yes. - 14/03/2010 06:43:49 AM 530 Views
at least she's only worried about the important things in life - 14/03/2010 06:53:43 AM 505 Views
Yeah - she LOVES the new Horton hears a Who film. - 16/03/2010 01:06:53 AM 474 Views
That is a tough little girl there. - 14/03/2010 05:43:51 PM 619 Views
Oh yes indeed. - 16/03/2010 01:05:22 AM 533 Views
Yeah, eggshells and glass suck. - 16/03/2010 02:34:10 AM 487 Views
I am so sorry *NM* - 14/03/2010 03:49:38 AM 213 Views
How in touch were you? - 14/03/2010 08:14:57 AM 529 Views
Not as much as we could be - 15/03/2010 06:11:28 AM 587 Views
That's a tough hurdle - 15/03/2010 08:06:07 PM 557 Views
Ouch - 14/03/2010 11:21:16 AM 480 Views
Dear God that's awful - I don't know how I missed this earlier. - 14/03/2010 01:40:24 PM 541 Views
Thanks, Tom - 15/03/2010 06:15:50 AM 473 Views
from what I have seen in 57 years of life.... - 14/03/2010 02:02:24 PM 532 Views
I pretty much agree - 15/03/2010 06:16:48 AM 597 Views
I just read Helene's, Tom's and Damookster's replies. - 15/03/2010 01:53:17 AM 521 Views
*HUGS* *NM* - 15/03/2010 04:34:33 AM 234 Views
I know what you are going through *hugs* - 15/03/2010 06:36:30 AM 481 Views
Really sorry, man, hopes and prayers things work out for you. - 15/03/2010 09:05:11 AM 477 Views
aw man, sorry to hear that! *NM* - 15/03/2010 10:29:16 AM 210 Views
Jesus. - 15/03/2010 01:44:18 PM 531 Views
It's looking up a bit - 15/03/2010 03:50:25 PM 531 Views
Re: It's looking up a bit - 15/03/2010 05:12:02 PM 575 Views
Re: It's looking up a bit - 15/03/2010 05:13:03 PM 460 Views
Re: It's looking up a bit - 15/03/2010 05:13:30 PM 490 Views
Hmm. Those were supposed to be edits. Admin? Clean up in aisle SW! - 15/03/2010 05:18:13 PM 546 Views
Lose that zero and take her to court for abducting your child *NM* - 15/03/2010 05:14:26 PM 215 Views
oh wow, Mike, I'm sorry. That's aweful - 18/03/2010 10:33:06 PM 468 Views
Thanks LS - we're working on it. - 23/03/2010 04:37:27 AM 458 Views

Reply to Message