Is this chorabliss? - Edit 1
Before modification by Jason S at 10/02/2010 01:08:46 PM
It's hard to get used to all the new names. A nice name though, I am listening to Endymion on audio book and it's new to me. Read the 1st two books a few years ago.
To help others. To leave the world a bit better when I depart it than when I found it.
I've always been taught that way by my folks, a general philosophy I tend to use everywhere. Though I think the original context of the lesson was in regards to dumpster diving, it works for camping and book store shelves (this one's hard because I'm a book dealer and lay my hands on a lot of books, mussing a lot of shelves). But maybe that's all trivial because it's object-related and it's the people that matter.
So here's the serious question from someone who believes in that philosophy: How can you decide what level of mental and physical energy goes into helping others vs helping yourself (or just keeping yourself afloat)?
I've been told that I spend so much time trying to help others, that I have nothing else to be able to take care of myself. Now at times I think I'm not at all a very "giving" person. I don't volunteer, I don't donate money to charity, but I've always tried to be a rock hard support system for my friends and family, whether it be money or listening and advice, or my time, or my truck to help a bud move for the third time in as many years.
Lately it's been a strain to try to help anyone. I'm recently out of a 2.5 year relationship that required a huge amount support while it was ongoing. Less so now, but we're still friends and I'd do almost anything for them. I should be proud really, to have kept up a good supportive relationship for so long. I got her through times when she stopped going to her therapist because of money, the various times she switched or stopped taking meds. Bipolar alone wrecks havoc on a relationship, and add to that a host of other issues.
So in the past couple years I feel like I haven't done much for myself. Now I can't find the energy or don't know how. Sometimes the support system weaved around me and my friends and family feels more like a yoke on my shoulders. It's not something I would choose to throw off, but the feeling of being trapped by your own generosity is... yuck. I don't know where I'd want to escape to, but the urge is there to at least be able to if necessary
A very needy part of me thrives on encouragement and praise, The observer in me thrives on all the beauty in the world, some base engine in me can function on the barest amount of love and minor devotions.
Love has done nothing but confuse me with its myriad forms and shapes and colors, textures and implications...
I send out a lot of love, but it's hard to know where, who, how much, and what delicate mix to use.
To help others. To leave the world a bit better when I depart it than when I found it.
I've always been taught that way by my folks, a general philosophy I tend to use everywhere. Though I think the original context of the lesson was in regards to dumpster diving, it works for camping and book store shelves (this one's hard because I'm a book dealer and lay my hands on a lot of books, mussing a lot of shelves). But maybe that's all trivial because it's object-related and it's the people that matter.
So here's the serious question from someone who believes in that philosophy: How can you decide what level of mental and physical energy goes into helping others vs helping yourself (or just keeping yourself afloat)?
I've been told that I spend so much time trying to help others, that I have nothing else to be able to take care of myself. Now at times I think I'm not at all a very "giving" person. I don't volunteer, I don't donate money to charity, but I've always tried to be a rock hard support system for my friends and family, whether it be money or listening and advice, or my time, or my truck to help a bud move for the third time in as many years.
Lately it's been a strain to try to help anyone. I'm recently out of a 2.5 year relationship that required a huge amount support while it was ongoing. Less so now, but we're still friends and I'd do almost anything for them. I should be proud really, to have kept up a good supportive relationship for so long. I got her through times when she stopped going to her therapist because of money, the various times she switched or stopped taking meds. Bipolar alone wrecks havoc on a relationship, and add to that a host of other issues.
So in the past couple years I feel like I haven't done much for myself. Now I can't find the energy or don't know how. Sometimes the support system weaved around me and my friends and family feels more like a yoke on my shoulders. It's not something I would choose to throw off, but the feeling of being trapped by your own generosity is... yuck. I don't know where I'd want to escape to, but the urge is there to at least be able to if necessary
Compassion is what I thrive on. And the part of the human condition I would rather do without? I don't know. It's all part of being human. What could I never do without? Love.
A very needy part of me thrives on encouragement and praise, The observer in me thrives on all the beauty in the world, some base engine in me can function on the barest amount of love and minor devotions.
Love has done nothing but confuse me with its myriad forms and shapes and colors, textures and implications...
I send out a lot of love, but it's hard to know where, who, how much, and what delicate mix to use.