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well it was in response to a prompt which stated people call it the "Golden Age". My hands were tied *NM* Blaine Send a noteboard - 15/12/2009 02:20:54 PM
Does anyone buy into the idea that the 50's was a golden age anymore? Even white males have to know that the era sucked for everyone but them. And maybe some of their children.

But the introduction is okay. Except that there might be a better way of phrasing it so that it doesn't smell like a strawman.

:)
Tash
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What do you think of this intro? Blaine - 14/12/2009 06:14:51 AM 704 Views
I'm not a fan of the first two sentences. Brian - 14/12/2009 06:42:10 AM 478 Views
Well, i know for a fact that he doesn't opening with questions Blaine - 14/12/2009 07:02:03 AM 588 Views
Ahhh, one of those professors. Brian - 14/12/2009 07:22:46 AM 471 Views
Being sneaky, hmmm. I like this idea. *NM* Blaine - 14/12/2009 07:59:39 AM 228 Views
Sentence fragments are unacceptable in technical writing. You need to fix that. Ghavrel - 14/12/2009 06:51:05 AM 482 Views
I think i see what you are talking about, thanks. *NM* Blaine - 14/12/2009 07:05:04 AM 235 Views
It's like a Pleasentville film review. *NM* AgentOrange - 14/12/2009 09:54:14 AM 191 Views
I actually mention it a few times later. *NM* Blaine - 14/12/2009 08:48:11 PM 237 Views
I want to stick a wikipedia-style "who?" in there. Tim - 14/12/2009 10:53:02 AM 470 Views
That's actually how we're taught to write in American high schools... Lupine - 14/12/2009 02:39:56 PM 459 Views
Part of my problem is that he hasn't told me what level this is for. Tim - 14/12/2009 03:04:40 PM 441 Views
Aye, but it's an intro. Rebekah - 15/12/2009 08:07:38 AM 414 Views
References should come at the first mention of whatever it is. *NM* Tim - 15/12/2009 08:42:27 AM 188 Views
You presume correctly Blaine - 15/12/2009 02:19:07 PM 507 Views
It's simply an introduction, my citations and stuff come in a little later. *NM* Blaine - 14/12/2009 08:49:15 PM 236 Views
I smell a strawman... Tashmere - 15/12/2009 02:25:36 AM 478 Views
well it was in response to a prompt which stated people call it the "Golden Age". My hands were tied *NM* Blaine - 15/12/2009 02:20:54 PM 216 Views
Stylistically it needs a lot of work. Tom - 15/12/2009 03:28:24 AM 519 Views
Hell, with a critique like that I may start putting up my introductory paragraphs. *NM* Ghavrel - 15/12/2009 04:37:53 AM 255 Views
Wow, thanks *NM* Blaine - 15/12/2009 02:22:48 PM 243 Views
That was a good critique. *NM* Tashmere - 16/12/2009 01:21:28 AM 178 Views
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