My mother had my brother when she was 16 and me when she was 21. We have two different names considering we had different fathers. My mom remarried when I was 8 years old, so I had a step-dad/mother with different last names (btw, my brother has my mother's maiden name not his dad's).

OK, so there was some consideration of taking the stepdad's name over the years of their marriage (it lasted 17 years from when I was . I never did and neither did my brother.

Honestly, it wasn't that big of a deal and I nor my brother ever felt out of place in the family because we had different last names. I think this is something that adults, not kids, think about.

As for your questions:

1) Have you ever been in a similar situation? Either as the parent, child, grandparent?

As the child. Let me reiterate, my last name being different never had any affect on me whatsoever. I would feel safe speaking for my brother in saying that it didn't affect him either. I personally am glad I kept my last name even though I have not had any relationships with that side of the family since I was about 8 years old.

2) How, if at all, would having a different last name than your siblings affect you?

Again, it didn't. And, considering I grew up with my half brother I totally feel like he is full blood. I would do anything for him and his children. Being half brothers or having different last names didn't even occur to us. Relationships are what matter, not names.

3) Would you feel offended if you were the biological grandparent in this type of situation?

I don't think so considering what you've said about the dad. If they are a part of your nephew's life then I would be tactful about if your brother and sister-in-law decide to do it. If they aren't really involved in his life then who cares, grandparents have no legal rights. I would opt for patience and understanding when explaining it to them (if they go through with this). Basically, be respectful but don't be talked out of it if they don't want them to.

4) There are ways to go around this, doing hyphenated names and whatnot.

Why bother. Like I said, I doubt the kid even cares or ever will care. He'll simply have a different last name. Try explaining to a five year old that he now has to start using two last names with a hyphen. Trying schemes like this will simply over complicate something that is not that complicated.


Something you did not bring up that also occurred to me is that he is a bit old to forcefully change his name now but he is not really old enough to make that decision for himself. For example, my half-sister (with whom I did not grow up) was adopted by her step-dad, but she was just a baby and so she always had her "new" last name from the time she learned it to the time she got married. In my case, I don't think my mom would have considered letting me make that decision for myself until I was somewhere around 12 or 13 (I can't remember for sure but I think it was around there). Maybe they should just wait until he's a bit older and let HIM make the decision?

One other thing I would point out. There may be some legal ramifications if your brother adopts him. The bio-dad may be released from any financial obligations to his son. They should discuss all the potential ramifications of doing this name change with a lawyer as well.

Anyway, best of luck. I personally would let the issue lie until he's older and can decide for himself.