Active Users:1098 Time:22/11/2024 08:01:35 AM
Here is my advice. callandor1000 Send a noteboard - 12/02/2013 03:49:55 PM
To me, there is nothing more exciting in this life than the thrill of the hunt. That's what I always loved about dating. The new experience, the excitement in getting the woman to like you. When I'm in the middle of flirting, my heart is pounding rapidly. The look in her eyes, the calculated touch of my hand against hers...

I met the love of my life and got married. I am completely and utterly satisfied with my life. I love my wife dearly. But I can't escape the allure of the forbidden romance. I still flirt like crazy. I eagerly await my next chance to entice a woman into thinking bad thoughts about me. There is no greater high for me than this chase. It occupies my waking mind constantly. I'm always checking out the women at work, thinking of ways to integrate myself into their lives. Break down their barriers slowly.

I've come close to cheating twice. Both times I backed out because I got cold feet. I love my wife too much to risk losing her. But I just can't stop directly or indirectly pursuing women. And it's not even about sex. It's all the moments that lead up to sex. The women I flirt with are aware that I'm married. Most of them are too. But I form friendships with beautiful women, or women with nice breasts or a nice butt, basically whatever attracted me to them. In time, they tell me intimate details about their lives. Those are the moments I savor. To get a woman to that point, where it becomes inappropriate...ambrosia.

I wouldn't have a dilemma if I didn't truly love my wife. She's perfect for me. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. But the best moments in life are the passionate ones, the ones that get your heart pumping. Chasing women does this. Any advice? How should I handle this? I haven't gone totally over the line yet, but I fear that's only a matter of time.

*EDIT* Well my dilemma has been answered! Just get divorced or stop flirting. I can't believe I never thought of that! I don't know why I tried posting this here. I suffered temporary insanity and forgot how most people here are self-righteous assholes. I didn't post this to receive your moral lectures. Like you bastards are any cleaner. If I knew you in real life, I bet I could dig up some nasty shit on each of you. I'm done with this poor excuse for wotmania.


First, let me tell you a bit about myself. Got married this past August. I'm personally not religious. My wife grew up Catholic and though occasionally struggling with faith, I believe she is mostly Catholic. There has never really been religion in my family. So my morals aren't really shaped that much by religion. I have several cousins with kids out of marriage, two with multiple dads, but no one in my family cares all that much. A little here, and there. But whatever. Some have married, some will marry, some won't marry.

Okay, now while I do think you're being a douche, it is not necessarily because you're flirting. Well it is, but it isn't. My advice I guess will make this clearer.

You got married. I assume with the pretext of being with each other and only each other, so on and so forth. I also assume with the pretext of having a life together. This is, at the end of the day, her expectations, right? You know that. You are not currently giving her that. Now I think if you stopped today, you can wash yourself of it and forget about it. But I think in the end, that will do you harm as you won't forget about it or hide your desires for good and it will eat at you.

The only thing I can see for you to do, if you want to save a relationship with this woman you married, is to talk to her. You two are building a life together, building an experience, experiences to be more accurate, and when you get married you are both part of the equation. You are leaving her out. This is wrong, no matter how you look at it. This is mostly why you are being a douche.

So my advice: talk to her. If she doesn't know what is going on, you can't fix the issue. She is part of the equation, obviously a very important part.

Marrying a Catholic as I did meant my wife and I had to go through pre-cana and have meetings/therapy/training with a priest on being married. Now, I'm pretty closed to a lot of religion. Most of it doesn't sit logically with me. But so often there was one underlying theme to many of the messages and was a large theme itself. Communication is key. If you don't communicate with her, as you are not now, it doesn't matter that you might cheat on her. You're in trouble if you can't talk to each other. If she can't listen to you and you guys can't eventually have a successful, productive conversation about this, then maybe you aren't so right for each other.

Your mom. That's right. The cat is out of the bag. Your mom.

My mind isn't always in the gutter, it just has VIP access
This message last edited by callandor1000 on 12/02/2013 at 03:52:14 PM
Reply to message
I am on the verge of having an affair - 11/02/2013 11:41:57 PM 1755 Views
Ditch the wife or stop being a prat. - 12/02/2013 12:30:30 AM 1012 Views
Great. Helpful advice - 12/02/2013 12:33:36 AM 896 Views
What exactly do you want to hear? - 12/02/2013 12:47:06 AM 876 Views
I don't know, something helpful - 12/02/2013 12:59:23 AM 940 Views
The telling you to grow up bit wasn't the advice - 12/02/2013 01:09:54 AM 903 Views
So there is no situation in which advice helps? - 12/02/2013 01:23:21 AM 940 Views
I didn't say nobody could help you at all - 12/02/2013 01:41:19 AM 925 Views
You're assuming a moral absolute - 12/02/2013 02:06:13 AM 1108 Views
It is called forsaking all others, and yes there are absolutes. - 13/02/2013 05:58:20 PM 1008 Views
My opinion ... - 12/02/2013 01:21:38 AM 939 Views
That's not really advice - 12/02/2013 01:28:42 AM 939 Views
Why is it obvious? - 12/02/2013 01:42:26 AM 954 Views
That's exactly what I'm looking for - 12/02/2013 02:11:51 AM 1129 Views
I don't know if that's realistic. - 12/02/2013 05:46:48 AM 889 Views
What exactly did you want to hear? - 12/02/2013 04:31:56 AM 841 Views
More holier-than-thou judgment. Great thanks. *NM* - 12/02/2013 04:50:36 AM 606 Views
Well, he's a pastor, so he probably is holier-than-thou. *NM* - 12/02/2013 07:48:55 PM 478 Views
So what you wanted was a high five? - 13/02/2013 04:21:57 PM 875 Views
role play. *NM* - 12/02/2013 04:41:07 AM 490 Views
You have 4 options - 12/02/2013 06:03:43 AM 868 Views
If it isn't about the sex then swinging really won't help *NM* - 12/02/2013 12:55:27 PM 464 Views
So, you ask for advice, then get upset when you don't like it? - 12/02/2013 06:04:07 AM 872 Views
It's probably the way you phrased it. - 12/02/2013 08:41:06 AM 1087 Views
find another passion - 12/02/2013 01:01:10 PM 854 Views
I don't judge you. I am exactly the same way. - 12/02/2013 01:56:58 PM 1037 Views
I don't give a shit about polyamory. I give a shit about honesty. - 13/02/2013 09:26:56 AM 888 Views
That's why I told him it's not okay, if he is lying to her. *NM* - 13/02/2013 10:00:04 AM 468 Views
That was kind of my take. - 13/02/2013 02:53:05 PM 1101 Views
I get where you're coming from - 12/02/2013 01:57:48 PM 975 Views
Here is my advice. - 12/02/2013 03:49:55 PM 1145 Views
Well said. - 13/02/2013 03:16:13 PM 867 Views
LOL - 12/02/2013 03:54:46 PM 899 Views
Nice choice of words, there - 12/02/2013 04:04:15 PM 924 Views
I don't know if I agree that you should talk to her about this. - 12/02/2013 04:30:14 PM 1020 Views
If walking the line is the thrill, then keep walking the line. - 12/02/2013 07:44:59 PM 1037 Views
Seeing your edit, I'm not sure you'll read this.... - 12/02/2013 11:20:46 PM 943 Views
The thrill of the chase - 13/02/2013 02:38:59 PM 909 Views
Hehe, love that things are pretty much the same around here. *NM* - 14/02/2013 12:29:56 AM 485 Views
I feel sorry for you *NM* - 14/02/2013 01:10:10 AM 526 Views
Best thing you can do is travel around and stay in hostels - 14/02/2013 02:24:50 AM 914 Views
Be open to your wife about how you feel. - 14/02/2013 10:24:13 PM 792 Views

Reply to Message