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Why is it obvious? Nate Send a noteboard - 12/02/2013 01:42:26 AM
You used a lot of words to basically say "Buck up." Yes, I know a person is suppose to be good and not do these things. I'm not stupid. But it's almost like a compulsion. I'm more interested in somebody (and not judging, like you) saying they had a similar situation and this is how they figured it out. Or somebody might have some zen advice or something. But things like, don't do it or get divorced, is not advice. I'm not mentally retarded, I know the absolutes to this situation. I'm looking for a solution, some type of middle ground. Because obviously I can't stop cold turkey.


It's entirely possible to stop things cold turkey. I mean, as far as I know there are only two basic theories of breaking an addiction (though I could be wrong about that). Either you stop cold turkey and deal with your own withdrawal issues until you tough it out and break the addiction, or you gradually try to lessen your dependance in stages. Results vary by willpower. Probably some things respond better to one way and some to another.

I mean, do you think that you could gradually lessen your dependance in stages? If so, give it a shot, at least you're working toward fixing things. If you don't think you can, then cold turkey is your other option.

Because when you talk about a middle ground ... what exactly are you thinking? That you want to be able to flirt with other women without feeling as though you're at risk of sleeping with them? If that's it, well ... I'm no expert, but if the solution you want involves you still getting to flirt a bunch with other women while married, then my opinion is still that you need to think long and hard about what being married really means. When you got married things stopped being just about you. You sound like you know that, but your actions are continuing to lean in the other direction.

So basically, are you willing to try to put a stop to at least anything other than surface level friendly flirting? If so, then pick your poison as to addiction treatment methods, make yourself a plan, set goals. You're the only one who can make it happen, no matter what anyone here has to say.

But as to finding stories, maybe you will find someone here with a similar experience who is willing to talk about it, or maybe you'll have to turn to Google. For now, I guess all you've got is jerks like me.
Warder to starry_nite

Chapterfish — Nate's Writing Blog
http://chapterfish.wordpress.com
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I am on the verge of having an affair - 11/02/2013 11:41:57 PM 1831 Views
Ditch the wife or stop being a prat. - 12/02/2013 12:30:30 AM 1089 Views
Great. Helpful advice - 12/02/2013 12:33:36 AM 972 Views
What exactly do you want to hear? - 12/02/2013 12:47:06 AM 949 Views
I don't know, something helpful - 12/02/2013 12:59:23 AM 1017 Views
The telling you to grow up bit wasn't the advice - 12/02/2013 01:09:54 AM 977 Views
So there is no situation in which advice helps? - 12/02/2013 01:23:21 AM 1024 Views
I didn't say nobody could help you at all - 12/02/2013 01:41:19 AM 1006 Views
You're assuming a moral absolute - 12/02/2013 02:06:13 AM 1187 Views
It is called forsaking all others, and yes there are absolutes. - 13/02/2013 05:58:20 PM 1084 Views
My opinion ... - 12/02/2013 01:21:38 AM 1013 Views
That's not really advice - 12/02/2013 01:28:42 AM 1020 Views
Why is it obvious? - 12/02/2013 01:42:26 AM 1043 Views
That's exactly what I'm looking for - 12/02/2013 02:11:51 AM 1203 Views
I don't know if that's realistic. - 12/02/2013 05:46:48 AM 961 Views
What exactly did you want to hear? - 12/02/2013 04:31:56 AM 919 Views
More holier-than-thou judgment. Great thanks. *NM* - 12/02/2013 04:50:36 AM 643 Views
Well, he's a pastor, so he probably is holier-than-thou. *NM* - 12/02/2013 07:48:55 PM 512 Views
So what you wanted was a high five? - 13/02/2013 04:21:57 PM 944 Views
role play. *NM* - 12/02/2013 04:41:07 AM 524 Views
You have 4 options - 12/02/2013 06:03:43 AM 944 Views
If it isn't about the sex then swinging really won't help *NM* - 12/02/2013 12:55:27 PM 497 Views
So, you ask for advice, then get upset when you don't like it? - 12/02/2013 06:04:07 AM 952 Views
It's probably the way you phrased it. - 12/02/2013 08:41:06 AM 1161 Views
find another passion - 12/02/2013 01:01:10 PM 920 Views
I don't judge you. I am exactly the same way. - 12/02/2013 01:56:58 PM 1111 Views
I don't give a shit about polyamory. I give a shit about honesty. - 13/02/2013 09:26:56 AM 958 Views
That's why I told him it's not okay, if he is lying to her. *NM* - 13/02/2013 10:00:04 AM 500 Views
That was kind of my take. - 13/02/2013 02:53:05 PM 1174 Views
I get where you're coming from - 12/02/2013 01:57:48 PM 1044 Views
Here is my advice. - 12/02/2013 03:49:55 PM 1221 Views
Well said. - 13/02/2013 03:16:13 PM 943 Views
LOL - 12/02/2013 03:54:46 PM 972 Views
Nice choice of words, there - 12/02/2013 04:04:15 PM 1011 Views
I don't know if I agree that you should talk to her about this. - 12/02/2013 04:30:14 PM 1101 Views
If walking the line is the thrill, then keep walking the line. - 12/02/2013 07:44:59 PM 1115 Views
Seeing your edit, I'm not sure you'll read this.... - 12/02/2013 11:20:46 PM 1015 Views
The thrill of the chase - 13/02/2013 02:38:59 PM 984 Views
Hehe, love that things are pretty much the same around here. *NM* - 14/02/2013 12:29:56 AM 515 Views
I feel sorry for you *NM* - 14/02/2013 01:10:10 AM 561 Views
Best thing you can do is travel around and stay in hostels - 14/02/2013 02:24:50 AM 987 Views
Be open to your wife about how you feel. - 14/02/2013 10:24:13 PM 878 Views

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