OK, so here are my high-lights from the last 2 months:

(1) St Christophers Hostel, Paris, 3am:

For no apparent reason, half the hostel suddenly decides to have a party in the corridor right outside my dorm room. I pull open the door to find out what the hells going on, a whole bunch of naked girls that were sitting with their backs to the door fall down backwards right at my feet. One of the Irish girls then jumps right into bed with the guy in the bunk below me.

(2) St Christophers Hostel, Paris (Again 1 week later), 5am

Three drunk Australian yobs burst into the room, switch on all the lights whilst everyone is sleeping (its 5am), pull all the curtains, start swearing and throwing stuff, and loudly announce that 'Australians are taking over this dorm room'. An American and his girl-friend sleeping in the dorm wake up and ask them to leave. The Australians go crazy, swearing and threatening to 'smash them'. The American and his girl-friend run screaming from the room, half naked, and are forced to wait in the corridor for the rest of the night. Now its just me and these 3 crazy yobos. They only leave me alone, because, and I quote the head yobos drunken logic; 'You're a New Zealander and we fought in the wars together'. Next morning, they are all thrown out.

(3) Oxford Central Backpackers, Oxford

The hostel is apparently situated right in the middle of

a zone consisting of the three major night-clubs in Oxford. I soon learn the reason why free ear-plugs were offered ; on Friday night all the walls in the hostel are literally shaking with the volume of the continuous 'boom box' of dance music concentrsted in a lethal 'triange of sound' and ensuring that no-one sleeps a wink. Horny, drunk students were all over the place. My surprise and amusement continued when one of the hostel staff (a hot girl who also worked at one of the aforementioned night clubs), decided to jump into bed with one of the guests.

(4) Caledonian Hostel, New Town, Edinburgh, Last night, 11pm

Ah peaceful, laid back Edinburgh, surely nothing so crazy can happen here? Wrong. I'm in a 4-bed dorm and its just me and a French girl. Peaceful, quiet... until... an American guy checks in late around 11pm. Him and this French girl really hit it off, because, for no apparent reason, the guy suddenly jumps into bed with her. OK, so I got over the shock of that fairly quickly because he checked out the next morning.

Fast forward to now. Its 3am and its just me and this French girl alone in the dorm again... she can't stop talking and shes now discussing the best places to have sex in a hostel. I'm trapped alone in the dorm with this girl, help!

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These hostels are insane.