Man, there was some piling on in this thread. I didn't think your post was that bad. - Edit 1
Before modification by everynametaken at 02/02/2012 06:07:33 AM
You know, you always hear the same sex stuff around the water cooler. It's always about how big her boobs were, how incredible she was, etc. And women always talk about...uh, well I don't know what sex stuff women discuss. But sex isn't all roses, is it? Here are some musings from my personal experience about sex, the stuff you don't really talk about (Warning: adult language ahead):
1. Hygiene is pretty important for sex. We always hear how women should keep the temple neatly landscaped but the same goes for guys. Have you heard the term "soup-catcher" for a man with a thick beard? Well, for a man with a thick putting rough, I like to use the term "cum-catcher." If a guy is lucky enough to have sex without a condom, he's going to have some cleaning up to do in his own nest.
Sure it (hygiene) is. I remember hearing a guy at the gym in the locker room bitching to another that his wife wouldn't blow him. I couldn't resist and took a glance. Jesus, his pubic area was a jungle! Who the fuck wants to put his/her face in a pile of curlies? Not me although Honey Badger might - Honey Badger don't give a shit!
2. Same goes for women. Ladies, if a guy gives you oral sex and then pauses for a few seconds, he's probably spitting out some hair. But if you like to be clean-shaven, keep it shaved every day. Women complain about a guy's stubble irritating their skin, but the same goes for oral sex on a woman with pubic stubble.
Maybe, maybe not. I might just be out of breath! That orgasm requires work!
3. Sex should really take place after a shower. I know it's not always practical to do so. If you can't, avoid oral sex. Ladies don't want to deal with musty balls and guys don't want to hold their breath the whole time they are eating a woman out.
I'd modify and say that both people should be clean. If I've been sweating all day and come in and find my girl wanting it (or me wanting it) it is common courtesy to jump in the shower real quick. I'd expect the same. But, if I've been at the office and am still clean from my morning shower then I think that condition is the exception. At least in my experience. Of course there should always be that place where both parties are dirty and horny and just fuck each other's brains out. That is some of the hottest sex!
4. Never, ever engage in oral sex if either partner took a crap within the last 3-4 hours. In the classic 69 position, with the woman on top, the guy's nose is literally resting right on that brown bud. Regardless of what you see on porn movies, this is an area you generally want to avoid.
Well, I think that is not really realistic although I would expect her to at least have cleaned (and me too) if sex was planned. But, sex isn't always planned and so maybe some discretion is advised - if the sex is spontaneous then maybe skip the oral part.
5. Don't be afraid to really talk dirty. Every guy worries about premature ejactulation, but nobody ever talks about the opposite problem. Sometimes I find myself going for 30 minutes with no relief in sight. Sex can be boring and exhausting sometimes. So don't be afraid to add stimulation to it. Ladies, try to use the word "fuck" as often as possible. "Fuck my pussy!" is always a classic. "Fucking give it to me, harder! Harder!" almost always gets the job done. You can be as conservative as you want during the day, but let it all out at night.
Again, I've had girls who were right there and told me outright, "Talk dirty to me." and I obliged and then I have been with girls who aren't really into it. The best thing I've said to a girl though was this one whose father was a pastor. When I was railing her from behind in my car back seat with her face pushed into the back glass I used to "talk dirty". I just knew right when she and I were there and I would tell her, "What would your daddy think think of his little girl if he knew what you were doing right?" She used to love that and I did too. So naughty! Ha ha ha ha...
6. Laughter is a mood killer during sex. Sometimes things are going great, the woman is very, very wet. And then all of sudden the guy pulls all the way out and goes back in, creating an unintentional farting sound. Sure, both partners try to pretend that they didn't hear it, but it's distracting. Don't let the air in, guys. Keep it nice and tight.
I actually agree with this one. Typically laughing is a mood killer although in the right type of relationship and at the right moments laughing together can be OK. That usually doesn't happen while the thrusting is going down though in my experience but afterwards during the post freak cuddling/laying around phase. Although one time I had major whiskey dick and I swear this girl and I were screwing for what seemed like an hour straight in every position imaginable. Finally, I was in doggy style mode and the 2x4s that acted as a frame for the bottom mattress broke and the bed collapsed. I was laughing, she was laughing but I kept going and a few minutes later finished. The best part was the next day though when I was nailing in new supports and went upstairs (the bed was in the basement) to take a break and my roommates were looking at me with a weird look on their faces wondering what I was doing. LMAO.
That's about all the uncomfortable facts I've learned about sex. Hopefully somebody reads this and realizes that they are not alone. Sex is great, no doubt. But that doesn't mean every aspect of it is great.