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Man, there was some piling on in this thread. I didn't think your post was that bad. everynametaken Send a noteboard - 02/02/2012 06:06:02 AM
You know, you always hear the same sex stuff around the water cooler. It's always about how big her boobs were, how incredible she was, etc. And women always talk about...uh, well I don't know what sex stuff women discuss. But sex isn't all roses, is it? Here are some musings from my personal experience about sex, the stuff you don't really talk about (Warning: adult language ahead):

1. Hygiene is pretty important for sex. We always hear how women should keep the temple neatly landscaped but the same goes for guys. Have you heard the term "soup-catcher" for a man with a thick beard? Well, for a man with a thick putting rough, I like to use the term "cum-catcher." If a guy is lucky enough to have sex without a condom, he's going to have some cleaning up to do in his own nest.


Sure it (hygiene) is. I remember hearing a guy at the gym in the locker room bitching to another that his wife wouldn't blow him. I couldn't resist and took a glance. Jesus, his pubic area was a jungle! Who the fuck wants to put his/her face in a pile of curlies? Not me although Honey Badger might - Honey Badger don't give a shit!

2. Same goes for women. Ladies, if a guy gives you oral sex and then pauses for a few seconds, he's probably spitting out some hair. But if you like to be clean-shaven, keep it shaved every day. Women complain about a guy's stubble irritating their skin, but the same goes for oral sex on a woman with pubic stubble.


Maybe, maybe not. I might just be out of breath! That orgasm requires work!

3. Sex should really take place after a shower. I know it's not always practical to do so. If you can't, avoid oral sex. Ladies don't want to deal with musty balls and guys don't want to hold their breath the whole time they are eating a woman out.


I'd modify and say that both people should be clean. If I've been sweating all day and come in and find my girl wanting it (or me wanting it) it is common courtesy to jump in the shower real quick. I'd expect the same. But, if I've been at the office and am still clean from my morning shower then I think that condition is the exception. At least in my experience. Of course there should always be that place where both parties are dirty and horny and just fuck each other's brains out. That is some of the hottest sex!

4. Never, ever engage in oral sex if either partner took a crap within the last 3-4 hours. In the classic 69 position, with the woman on top, the guy's nose is literally resting right on that brown bud. Regardless of what you see on porn movies, this is an area you generally want to avoid.


Well, I think that is not really realistic although I would expect her to at least have cleaned (and me too) if sex was planned. But, sex isn't always planned and so maybe some discretion is advised - if the sex is spontaneous then maybe skip the oral part.

5. Don't be afraid to really talk dirty. Every guy worries about premature ejactulation, but nobody ever talks about the opposite problem. Sometimes I find myself going for 30 minutes with no relief in sight. Sex can be boring and exhausting sometimes. So don't be afraid to add stimulation to it. Ladies, try to use the word "fuck" as often as possible. "Fuck my pussy!" is always a classic. "Fucking give it to me, harder! Harder!" almost always gets the job done. You can be as conservative as you want during the day, but let it all out at night.


Again, I've had girls who were right there and told me outright, "Talk dirty to me." and I obliged and then I have been with girls who aren't really into it. The best thing I've said to a girl though was this one whose father was a pastor. When I was railing her from behind in my car back seat with her face pushed into the back glass I used to "talk dirty". I just knew right when she and I were there and I would tell her, "What would your daddy think think of his little girl if he knew what you were doing right?" She used to love that and I did too. So naughty! Ha ha ha ha...

6. Laughter is a mood killer during sex. Sometimes things are going great, the woman is very, very wet. And then all of sudden the guy pulls all the way out and goes back in, creating an unintentional farting sound. Sure, both partners try to pretend that they didn't hear it, but it's distracting. Don't let the air in, guys. Keep it nice and tight.


I actually agree with this one. Typically laughing is a mood killer although in the right type of relationship and at the right moments laughing together can be OK. That usually doesn't happen while the thrusting is going down though in my experience but afterwards during the post freak cuddling/laying around phase. Although one time I had major whiskey dick and I swear this girl and I were screwing for what seemed like an hour straight in every position imaginable. Finally, I was in doggy style mode and the 2x4s that acted as a frame for the bottom mattress broke and the bed collapsed. I was laughing, she was laughing but I kept going and a few minutes later finished. The best part was the next day though when I was nailing in new supports and went upstairs (the bed was in the basement) to take a break and my roommates were looking at me with a weird look on their faces wondering what I was doing. LMAO.

That's about all the uncomfortable facts I've learned about sex. Hopefully somebody reads this and realizes that they are not alone. Sex is great, no doubt. But that doesn't mean every aspect of it is great.
But wine was the great assassin of both tradition and propriety...
-Brandon Sanderson, The Way of Kings
This message last edited by everynametaken on 02/02/2012 at 06:07:33 AM
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Uncomfortable sex facts (because this board needs more spice) - 31/01/2012 04:56:13 PM 2434 Views
there's nothing wrong with laughter in general - 31/01/2012 05:14:23 PM 1207 Views
There is a reason it is uncomfortable. - 31/01/2012 05:43:22 PM 1405 Views
What, are we going to get stupid clichés about geeks on a geek site? - 01/02/2012 09:59:41 PM 1195 Views
Wait, wait, wait! - 01/02/2012 10:08:38 PM 1180 Views
I didn't exactly think this was a mystery... - 01/02/2012 10:15:57 PM 1140 Views
It was to me! - 01/02/2012 10:19:15 PM 1256 Views
I see. - 01/02/2012 10:24:47 PM 1096 Views
Re: I see. - 01/02/2012 10:28:50 PM 1103 Views
Come back when you're an adult. *NM* - 31/01/2012 05:59:52 PM 652 Views
Ok I'm back *NM* - 31/01/2012 06:03:57 PM 738 Views
Oh please. *NM* - 01/02/2012 07:02:10 PM 689 Views
It's pretty clear that the poster is hypersensitive and immature. - 01/02/2012 07:54:55 PM 1149 Views
It's called anger. Call it immaturity if it suits you. - 01/02/2012 08:04:23 PM 1262 Views
You also act as if I actively insulted you... which I haven't. *NM* - 01/02/2012 09:35:48 PM 720 Views
Actively? Maybe, maybe not. Passively? Definitely - 01/02/2012 09:57:02 PM 1126 Views
I think her point is that she's not using that phrase as an insult - 01/02/2012 10:01:13 PM 997 Views
I like your list. - 31/01/2012 06:00:28 PM 1156 Views
Oh for goodness sake I don't even know where to start, there's so much wrong with this. - 31/01/2012 07:02:34 PM 1327 Views
How old are you? - 31/01/2012 07:36:33 PM 1142 Views
26. Not that I can see how it matters. - 31/01/2012 07:40:43 PM 1357 Views
Re: 26. Not that I can see how it matters. - 31/01/2012 08:04:52 PM 1410 Views
Someone tells you to grow up and this your response? - 31/01/2012 09:51:31 PM 1290 Views
Yes, it is a mature, reasonable angry response - 31/01/2012 10:10:08 PM 1258 Views
Re: Yes, it is a mature, reasonable angry response - 31/01/2012 10:43:16 PM 1162 Views
No, I was filling in the blank - 31/01/2012 10:52:30 PM 1161 Views
It's not so much that what you write is "wrong", but it shows you are a bit naive and inexperienced - 31/01/2012 07:28:09 PM 1307 Views
Jesus Christ people - 31/01/2012 07:35:28 PM 1313 Views
LOL... I'm not a prude. Let me elaborate. - 31/01/2012 08:19:22 PM 1295 Views
aah ah aha your last paragraph made me laugh - 31/01/2012 08:26:12 PM 1239 Views
and yet another advantage of marriage - 02/02/2012 04:45:41 PM 1196 Views
Re: LOL... I'm not a prude. Let me elaborate. - 31/01/2012 09:47:23 PM 1207 Views
Just to jump in for a second. - 31/01/2012 10:50:12 PM 1329 Views
People seem to be missing my point - 31/01/2012 10:58:42 PM 1216 Views
'Weird' is a loaded word. It carries a judgment. - 31/01/2012 11:03:12 PM 1174 Views
Goodness, people, they are not "rules." He clearly states these are his PERSONAL opinions. - 01/02/2012 07:10:27 PM 1117 Views
#3 is really not an option. Not with this crowd, anyways *NM* - 01/02/2012 08:06:25 PM 690 Views
I point you to the title of his post: "Uncomfortable sex FACTS" (caps mine). - 01/02/2012 09:36:00 PM 1106 Views
Facts for me *NM* - 01/02/2012 09:44:43 PM 648 Views
*NM* - 01/02/2012 09:46:06 PM 660 Views
....That is not the definition of a fact. *NM* - 01/02/2012 09:48:10 PM 648 Views
Wow, you really want to do this? Just let it go - 01/02/2012 09:53:52 PM 1106 Views
I wasn't about to pick a fight with you about it - 01/02/2012 09:56:42 PM 1147 Views
He made hard and fast rules??? - 01/02/2012 05:00:30 AM 1220 Views
This board takes itself very seriously at times, it's weird *NM* - 01/02/2012 02:00:04 PM 720 Views
Thank you! - 01/02/2012 03:25:57 PM 1091 Views
Different strokes for different folks - 01/02/2012 04:38:45 PM 1189 Views
Please stop questioning my sexual experience - 01/02/2012 04:49:28 PM 1093 Views
You just complained that you don't have sex often enough to laugh during sex... and now claim to - 01/02/2012 05:15:21 PM 1061 Views
I did? - 01/02/2012 05:37:55 PM 994 Views
I didn't call you a virgin...? - 01/02/2012 08:23:25 PM 1075 Views
Man you just don't get it - 01/02/2012 08:43:21 PM 1188 Views
since you asked... - 01/02/2012 09:14:44 PM 989 Views
Re: since you asked... - 01/02/2012 09:44:03 PM 1298 Views
Helene has yet to actually insult you - 01/02/2012 09:55:32 PM 1073 Views
I am overreacting a little bit - 01/02/2012 10:00:09 PM 1096 Views
see dude, here's part of the problem - 01/02/2012 10:03:27 PM 1018 Views
The caps really aren't going to help your case, you do realize... - 01/02/2012 09:16:50 PM 1100 Views
It was my last resort, man. I was talking to a brick wall *NM* - 01/02/2012 09:37:20 PM 674 Views
You're a real piece of work. *NM* - 01/02/2012 09:20:45 PM 652 Views
How so? - 01/02/2012 09:45:41 PM 1052 Views
You sure get worked up - 01/02/2012 09:29:34 PM 1047 Views
I suppose asking if "you're a bit of a twat" isn't an insult, but just a reasonable hypothesis? - 02/02/2012 12:41:50 AM 1034 Views
So after someone uses the online equivalent of yelling at me - 02/02/2012 12:58:06 AM 1127 Views
Yes, the twat comment wasn't okay either. - 02/02/2012 09:02:15 AM 1064 Views
While I agree with the ladies... - 31/01/2012 11:42:25 PM 1203 Views
One thing I learned this past year... - 01/02/2012 05:48:51 AM 1112 Views
- 01/02/2012 08:26:05 AM 1294 Views
I think he does... - 01/02/2012 03:30:58 PM 1118 Views
I can't recall the scene. What was it again? *NM* - 01/02/2012 08:05:28 PM 650 Views
Don't know why everyone jumped on you like they did. - 01/02/2012 07:07:14 PM 1241 Views
Thanks for the support - 01/02/2012 08:01:27 PM 1037 Views
This thread cracks me up. *NM* - 01/02/2012 09:34:52 PM 689 Views
It got out of hand, sadly - 01/02/2012 09:50:46 PM 1051 Views
That perennial issue of tone on the internet, huh? - 01/02/2012 09:59:29 PM 1171 Views
ignoring things is usually the best way to keep them from squiggling out of hand - 01/02/2012 09:59:35 PM 1004 Views
True, true. I let my anger get the best of me. Lessons learned. - 01/02/2012 10:02:57 PM 1091 Views
that's because it's gross - 01/02/2012 10:05:36 PM 1217 Views
I'm kind of upset by it and wishing I hadn't posted at all, to be honest. - 01/02/2012 10:58:51 PM 1490 Views
Uh huh, that discussion completely went south - 02/02/2012 12:27:02 AM 1066 Views
So full of shit. - 02/02/2012 12:33:32 AM 1289 Views
Man, if I had a nickel for everytime THAT has happened.... - 02/02/2012 11:16:07 PM 1139 Views
Agreed. - 02/02/2012 11:19:41 PM 953 Views
Helene and Morgawse are worthless and pedantic nothings. Ignore them next time. Thread was fine. *NM* - 01/02/2012 10:40:53 PM 718 Views
....well thanks, buddy. *NM* - 01/02/2012 10:57:07 PM 743 Views
Uncalled for and completely untrue - 01/02/2012 11:03:52 PM 1261 Views
Right. Really? - 02/02/2012 12:36:28 AM 1271 Views
And people complain about the political arguments. *NM* - 02/02/2012 12:31:06 AM 647 Views
Just what I was thinking. - 02/02/2012 11:17:16 PM 985 Views
I laughed at this thread. Hard. *NM* - 02/02/2012 02:51:45 AM 591 Views
Heh-heh, heh-heh, you said "hard"! - 02/02/2012 04:06:43 AM 1045 Views
Man, there was some piling on in this thread. I didn't think your post was that bad. - 02/02/2012 06:06:02 AM 1635 Views
LOL - 02/02/2012 09:01:22 AM 1198 Views
Re: LOL - 02/02/2012 04:36:10 PM 1149 Views
You misunderstood - 02/02/2012 06:20:15 PM 1162 Views
I think the board has PMS this week - 02/02/2012 02:13:58 PM 1024 Views
Re: Uncomfortable sex facts (because this board needs more spice) - 02/02/2012 02:47:45 PM 1215 Views
Too crass. For real spice try the hot sex in this video - 03/02/2012 12:30:21 PM 1100 Views
The cuts to a woman cleaning her kitchen kinda ruin it for me *NM* - 03/02/2012 12:36:25 PM 645 Views
Lets search for more hot sex scenes then *NM* - 03/02/2012 12:53:00 PM 653 Views

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