Man, there was some piling on in this thread. I didn't think your post was that bad.
everynametaken Send a noteboard - 02/02/2012 06:06:02 AM
You know, you always hear the same sex stuff around the water cooler. It's always about how big her boobs were, how incredible she was, etc. And women always talk about...uh, well I don't know what sex stuff women discuss. But sex isn't all roses, is it? Here are some musings from my personal experience about sex, the stuff you don't really talk about (Warning: adult language ahead):
1. Hygiene is pretty important for sex. We always hear how women should keep the temple neatly landscaped but the same goes for guys. Have you heard the term "soup-catcher" for a man with a thick beard? Well, for a man with a thick putting rough, I like to use the term "cum-catcher." If a guy is lucky enough to have sex without a condom, he's going to have some cleaning up to do in his own nest.
Sure it (hygiene) is. I remember hearing a guy at the gym in the locker room bitching to another that his wife wouldn't blow him. I couldn't resist and took a glance. Jesus, his pubic area was a jungle! Who the fuck wants to put his/her face in a pile of curlies? Not me although Honey Badger might - Honey Badger don't give a shit!
2. Same goes for women. Ladies, if a guy gives you oral sex and then pauses for a few seconds, he's probably spitting out some hair. But if you like to be clean-shaven, keep it shaved every day. Women complain about a guy's stubble irritating their skin, but the same goes for oral sex on a woman with pubic stubble.
Maybe, maybe not. I might just be out of breath! That orgasm requires work!
3. Sex should really take place after a shower. I know it's not always practical to do so. If you can't, avoid oral sex. Ladies don't want to deal with musty balls and guys don't want to hold their breath the whole time they are eating a woman out.
I'd modify and say that both people should be clean. If I've been sweating all day and come in and find my girl wanting it (or me wanting it) it is common courtesy to jump in the shower real quick. I'd expect the same. But, if I've been at the office and am still clean from my morning shower then I think that condition is the exception. At least in my experience. Of course there should always be that place where both parties are dirty and horny and just fuck each other's brains out. That is some of the hottest sex!
4. Never, ever engage in oral sex if either partner took a crap within the last 3-4 hours. In the classic 69 position, with the woman on top, the guy's nose is literally resting right on that brown bud. Regardless of what you see on porn movies, this is an area you generally want to avoid.
Well, I think that is not really realistic although I would expect her to at least have cleaned (and me too) if sex was planned. But, sex isn't always planned and so maybe some discretion is advised - if the sex is spontaneous then maybe skip the oral part.
5. Don't be afraid to really talk dirty. Every guy worries about premature ejactulation, but nobody ever talks about the opposite problem. Sometimes I find myself going for 30 minutes with no relief in sight. Sex can be boring and exhausting sometimes. So don't be afraid to add stimulation to it. Ladies, try to use the word "fuck" as often as possible. "Fuck my pussy!" is always a classic. "Fucking give it to me, harder! Harder!" almost always gets the job done. You can be as conservative as you want during the day, but let it all out at night.
Again, I've had girls who were right there and told me outright, "Talk dirty to me." and I obliged and then I have been with girls who aren't really into it. The best thing I've said to a girl though was this one whose father was a pastor. When I was railing her from behind in my car back seat with her face pushed into the back glass I used to "talk dirty". I just knew right when she and I were there and I would tell her, "What would your daddy think think of his little girl if he knew what you were doing right?" She used to love that and I did too. So naughty! Ha ha ha ha...
6. Laughter is a mood killer during sex. Sometimes things are going great, the woman is very, very wet. And then all of sudden the guy pulls all the way out and goes back in, creating an unintentional farting sound. Sure, both partners try to pretend that they didn't hear it, but it's distracting. Don't let the air in, guys. Keep it nice and tight.
I actually agree with this one. Typically laughing is a mood killer although in the right type of relationship and at the right moments laughing together can be OK. That usually doesn't happen while the thrusting is going down though in my experience but afterwards during the post freak cuddling/laying around phase. Although one time I had major whiskey dick and I swear this girl and I were screwing for what seemed like an hour straight in every position imaginable. Finally, I was in doggy style mode and the 2x4s that acted as a frame for the bottom mattress broke and the bed collapsed. I was laughing, she was laughing but I kept going and a few minutes later finished. The best part was the next day though when I was nailing in new supports and went upstairs (the bed was in the basement) to take a break and my roommates were looking at me with a weird look on their faces wondering what I was doing. LMAO.
That's about all the uncomfortable facts I've learned about sex. Hopefully somebody reads this and realizes that they are not alone. Sex is great, no doubt. But that doesn't mean every aspect of it is great.
But wine was the great assassin of both tradition and propriety...
-Brandon Sanderson, The Way of Kings
-Brandon Sanderson, The Way of Kings
This message last edited by everynametaken on 02/02/2012 at 06:07:33 AM
Uncomfortable sex facts (because this board needs more spice)
31/01/2012 04:56:13 PM
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There is a reason it is uncomfortable.
31/01/2012 05:43:22 PM
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What, are we going to get stupid clichés about geeks on a geek site?
01/02/2012 09:59:41 PM
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Wait, wait, wait!
01/02/2012 10:08:38 PM
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I didn't exactly think this was a mystery...
01/02/2012 10:15:57 PM
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Come back when you're an adult. *NM*
31/01/2012 05:59:52 PM
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Oh please. *NM*
01/02/2012 07:02:10 PM
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It's pretty clear that the poster is hypersensitive and immature.
01/02/2012 07:54:55 PM
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It's called anger. Call it immaturity if it suits you.
01/02/2012 08:04:23 PM
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You also act as if I actively insulted you... which I haven't. *NM*
01/02/2012 09:35:48 PM
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Actively? Maybe, maybe not. Passively? Definitely
01/02/2012 09:57:02 PM
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I think her point is that she's not using that phrase as an insult
01/02/2012 10:01:13 PM
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Oh for goodness sake I don't even know where to start, there's so much wrong with this.
31/01/2012 07:02:34 PM
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How old are you?
31/01/2012 07:36:33 PM
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Someone tells you to grow up and this your response?
31/01/2012 09:51:31 PM
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Yes, it is a mature, reasonable angry response
31/01/2012 10:10:08 PM
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Re: Yes, it is a mature, reasonable angry response
31/01/2012 10:43:16 PM
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No, I was filling in the blank
31/01/2012 10:52:30 PM
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I think you'll find the arrow was supposed to point at the quote of your post below.
31/01/2012 11:11:15 PM
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It's not so much that what you write is "wrong", but it shows you are a bit naive and inexperienced
31/01/2012 07:28:09 PM
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Jesus Christ people
31/01/2012 07:35:28 PM
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LOL... I'm not a prude. Let me elaborate.
31/01/2012 08:19:22 PM
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Re: LOL... I'm not a prude. Let me elaborate.
31/01/2012 09:47:23 PM
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Just to jump in for a second.
31/01/2012 10:50:12 PM
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People seem to be missing my point
31/01/2012 10:58:42 PM
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'Weird' is a loaded word. It carries a judgment.
31/01/2012 11:03:12 PM
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Goodness, people, they are not "rules." He clearly states these are his PERSONAL opinions.
01/02/2012 07:10:27 PM
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I point you to the title of his post: "Uncomfortable sex FACTS" (caps mine).
01/02/2012 09:36:00 PM
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Facts for me *NM*
01/02/2012 09:44:43 PM
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....That is not the definition of a fact. *NM*
01/02/2012 09:48:10 PM
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Quote: "Here are some musings from my personal experience". Context matters. Nitpicking is annoying. *NM*
02/02/2012 01:27:00 AM
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He made hard and fast rules???
01/02/2012 05:00:30 AM
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Thank you!
01/02/2012 03:25:57 PM
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I'm still pretty confused. Many of the people who are acting immature towards you
02/02/2012 05:27:49 AM
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Different strokes for different folks
01/02/2012 04:38:45 PM
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Please stop questioning my sexual experience
01/02/2012 04:49:28 PM
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You just complained that you don't have sex often enough to laugh during sex... and now claim to
01/02/2012 05:15:21 PM
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I did?
01/02/2012 05:37:55 PM
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*snort* I don't think anyone should have jumped down your throat...
01/02/2012 05:49:27 PM
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Anybody who hasn't jumped down my throat hasn't replied with anything I can respond to
01/02/2012 06:04:53 PM
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To me, that just sounds like you're looking for agreement, not discussion
01/02/2012 08:07:19 PM
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I didn't call you a virgin...?
01/02/2012 08:23:25 PM
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Man you just don't get it
01/02/2012 08:43:21 PM
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since you asked...
01/02/2012 09:14:44 PM
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Re: since you asked...
01/02/2012 09:44:03 PM
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Helene has yet to actually insult you
01/02/2012 09:55:32 PM
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The caps really aren't going to help your case, you do realize...
01/02/2012 09:16:50 PM
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You sure get worked up
01/02/2012 09:29:34 PM
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I suppose asking if "you're a bit of a twat" isn't an insult, but just a reasonable hypothesis?
02/02/2012 12:41:50 AM
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And here I was about to write another post about hardcore pornography *NM*
31/01/2012 07:31:14 PM
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Not having to shave my balls is just anohter reason to be glad I am married *NM*
01/02/2012 04:56:19 PM
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well if the damn system is going to double post then add no condom required as another reason *NM*
01/02/2012 04:56:20 PM
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Don't know why everyone jumped on you like they did.
01/02/2012 07:07:14 PM
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Thanks for the support
01/02/2012 08:01:27 PM
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Perhaps they don't read enough "sex advice" articles online? Every list is phrased that way. *NM*
02/02/2012 01:29:12 AM
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Admittedly, I tend to find online sex tips articles to be pretty juvinile too *NM*
02/02/2012 01:36:08 AM
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Ya don't say.
02/02/2012 11:21:45 PM
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It means I'm not part of the target demographic for these articles. *NM*
03/02/2012 08:53:49 AM
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You linked me to one of them once upon a time.
03/02/2012 09:11:58 AM
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The article I linked you to was wholly different from the type of article Aeryn was referring to
03/02/2012 03:03:50 PM
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Ah, then I do not feel as bad (just maybe a bit guilty for the comparison.)
03/02/2012 03:22:52 PM
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This thread cracks me up. *NM*
01/02/2012 09:34:52 PM
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It got out of hand, sadly
01/02/2012 09:50:46 PM
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ignoring things is usually the best way to keep them from squiggling out of hand
01/02/2012 09:59:35 PM
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I'm kind of upset by it and wishing I hadn't posted at all, to be honest.
01/02/2012 10:58:51 PM
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Uh huh, that discussion completely went south
02/02/2012 12:27:02 AM
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Helene and Morgawse are worthless and pedantic nothings. Ignore them next time. Thread was fine. *NM*
01/02/2012 10:40:53 PM
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Uncalled for and completely untrue
01/02/2012 11:03:52 PM
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Right. Really?
02/02/2012 12:36:28 AM
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I referred to you making a rude and general statement about people I doubt you know very well
02/02/2012 08:52:09 AM
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I don't know what bone you have to pick with me, but I doubt I deserve it
02/02/2012 12:38:45 AM
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Man, there was some piling on in this thread. I didn't think your post was that bad.
02/02/2012 06:06:02 AM
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Re: Uncomfortable sex facts (because this board needs more spice)
02/02/2012 02:47:45 PM
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Too crass. For real spice try the hot sex in this video
03/02/2012 12:30:21 PM
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The cuts to a woman cleaning her kitchen kinda ruin it for me *NM*
03/02/2012 12:36:25 PM
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