Excuse me while I go hit something. A journalism major perhaps. *NM*
Urza Send a noteboard - 12/06/2011 09:09:26 PM
I met the woman at a Broadway show, but the night’s best piece of acting, I’d say, came from me, back at her East Village apartment, after we’d been having sex for about 25 minutes, with Neil Young wailing the song “Comes a Time” from the laptop on her bedside table. The dried-out condom had a full-bodied choke hold on me, but I’d already stopped twice to put on a fresh one, and I knew, as I kept earnestly pumping away, that one more condom wouldn’t make the necessary difference. Had I just given up, things might have played out the way they often did, with shades of confused disappointment and inadequacy on the part of the woman and mumbled apologies and awkward shame from me. But that night, ingenuity struck—unable to actually get off, I found myself flying a fresh route: I faked it.
Why would I, a healthy guy in his thirties, need to fake an orgasm? It was mystifying. I wasn’t on antidepressants, which I’d heard could decrease sensation. I got plenty of exercise. It didn’t seem to matter which woman I was with, or what kind of condom we used, or whether I’d downed one glass of whiskey or ten, or if we listened to Neil Young or Al Green, as I learned through trial and error (mostly error). Over the course of months, I picked a dozen suspects out of the lineup and gradually cleared each one. Except, perhaps, the most obvious.
“Pornography? It’s a new synaptic pathway.” This is what John Mayer said in a candid interview with Playboy. “You wake up in the morning, open a thumbnail page, and it leads to a Pandora’s box of visuals,” he continued. “There have probably been days when I saw 300 vaginas before I got out of bed.”
Porn’s allure and ubiquity isn’t exactly titillating news. The question that still remains, however, is how this tsunami of porn is affecting the libido of the American male or, more selfishly, mine. First I came across a post on Sanjay Gupta’s blog by Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor, who wrote that he noticed a distinct rise in the number of men approaching him with concerns about delayed ejaculation. Kerner went on to attribute much of the problem to a “rapid proliferation of Internet porn” which leads to “over-masturbation,” something I’m very familiar with. Then I read about a University of Kansas study that found that 25 percent of college-age men said they’d faked orgasms, which, I’ll admit, was oddly comforting to hear. But it wasn’t until I interviewed dozens of men with varying porn-watching habits (and a few very open-minded women) that some unexpected themes began to emerge. Porn is not only shaping men’s physical and emotional interest in sex on a very fundamental neurological level, but it’s also having a series of unexpected ripple effects—namely on women.
For decades, hand-wringers have warned of a porn epidemic that would tear the nation’s moral fabric asunder. But if online porn has spread a sickness, it’s one that’s less like Ebola and more like a midwinter cold. The initial symptom for a lot of guys who frequently find themselves bookmarking their favorite illicit clips appears to be a waning desire for their partners. Jonas*, a 34-year-old ad exec, told me, “I get on SpankWire or X Videos—you could carve ice sculptures with my dick. I take a girl home from the bar, though, and I’ll be up for a minute while she’s going down on me, but once I put a condom on and we start going at it, it’s like the Challenger exploded—all the flags are at half-mast.”
Then there’s Stefan, a 43-year-old composer, who has no problem getting aroused when he has sex with his wife. “In order to come, though, I’ve got to resort to playing scenes in my head that I’ve seen while viewing porn. Something is lost there. I’m no longer with my wife; I’m inside my own head.”
As John Mayer told Playboy, “How could you be constantly synthesizing an orgasm based on dozens of shots? You’re looking for the one photo out of 100 you swear is going to be the one you finish to, and you still don’t finish … How does that not affect the psychology of having a relationship with somebody? It’s got to.” Most of the men I interviewed admitted having a similar habit of jumping quickly from porn clip to porn clip (which explains the rise and popularity of “cumshot” montages and other rapidly edited compilations). Kerner went so far as to coin the term “sexual attention deficit disorder.” For a lot of guys, switching gears from porn’s fireworks and whiz-bangs to the comparatively mundane calm of ordinary sex is like leaving halfway through an Imax 3-D movie to check out a flipbook.
“I used to race home to have sex with my wife,” says Perry, a 41-year-old lawyer. “Now I leave work a half-hour early so I can get home before she does and masturbate to porn.” Throughout the course of our conversation, Perry insists that he’s still attracted to his wife of twelve years. Still, he says, she can’t quite measure up to the porn stars he views online. “Not to be mean, but they’re younger, hotter, and wilder in the sack than my wife,” he says. “Me and her, we still ‘do it’ and everything, but instead of every day, it’s maybe once a week. It’s like I’ve got this ‘other woman’ … and the ‘other woman’ is porn.”
Ron, 27, an architecture student, met his girlfriend when they were both undergrads. She goes to school in another city, and Ron says that for the past couple of years, he’s had weekly “dates” with his favorite porn stars, which he looks forward to all day and even showers and shaves for, as though preparing for a live-action rendezvous. “Mondays are for Gia Jordan,” he says. “Tuesdays for Sasha Grey.” Wednesdays he has a reprieve—a Portuguese night class. “I always look forward to Thursdays the most—Kasey Kox,” he says. “Then, on the weekends, I hang out with my girlfriend.” Occasionally, when he returns to his apartment on Sundays, Ron explains, he roams the web looking for candidates to spend time with on Wednesday nights in case he has leftover energy after his language class. “I don’t like to believe that porn is replacing anything I have with my girlfriend,” he says, “but I’ve always loved sex, and I’ve always had a lot of it, so I really had to stop and think about it when she asked me recently why she always has to be the one to initiate things. And she was right; I guess I’ve been fading from her. It’s like all that time with these porn stars was subduing any physical desire for my girlfriend. And, in some weird way, my emotional need for her, too.”
Is it possible that porn is causing men to detach from their partners in more profound ways? Though porn research is the subject of much debate and barb-flinging (with religious groups seizing on any study to prove that porn and masturbation are wrong), scientists speculate that a dopamine-oxytocin combo is released in the brain during orgasm, acting as a “biochemical love potion,” as behavioral therapist Andrea Kuszewski calls it. It’s the reason after having sex with someone, you’re probably more inclined to form an emotional attachment. But you don’t have to actually have sex in order to get those neurotransmitters firing. When you watch porn, “you’re bonding with it,” Kuszewski says. “And those chemicals make you want to keep coming back to have that feeling.” Which allows men not only to get off on porn but to potentially develop a neurological attachment to it. They can, in essence, date porn.
And as tripod-in-the-corner porn evolves into a high-def wonderland, our grasp on whether we’re watching sex or actually having sex may, with the help of oxytocin, loosen. Many of the men I interviewed spoke of the charge they get from watching their favorite porn actresses. But they also had a tendency to describe the act of watching porn as though it were a real sex act they had participated in—making their emotional investment in porn all the more concrete. “I love when Kasey [Kox] is fully clothed and smiling at me from her bed, or I’m doing her from behind,” says Ron, the architecture student. “I get one glimpse of Kasey and I’m so turned on. I get dizzy.”
All of which raises an interesting question: How does having sometimes flaccid, sometimes faked, oftentimes dizzied sex impact the partners on the receiving end? Sadie, 29, a real-estate agent in Boston, quotes performance artist Nicole Blackman to make her point: “ ‘There is no glory in trying to make love to men who only know how to fuck—man after man after man after man raised on porn.’ There have been times in the past,” Sadie continues, “when I would be with someone and thinking, Jesus fucking Christ, what the fuck kind of stupid porn have you been watching? Did you just smack my kitty? Dumbass!”
“There’s a failure to distinguish between porn reality and reality reality,” says Monika, 27. “One guy kept shouting at me, ‘Ride the cock, ride the cock!’ I was laughing so hard we had to stop.”
As a result of the blending of reality and fantasy, some women have chosen to willingly play along by a new set of rules in order to keep their men interested: They’re intentionally impersonating porn stars. Sadie, the real-estate agent, says, “A lot of guys have come to expect P.S.E. [the “Porn-Star Experience”] as a common thing—snatches waxed bald, access to every hole—and plenty of women are more than happy to provide. A few might enjoy it, but for most it’s harrowing. I think there’s a fear that if they can’t make it happen, their boyfriend will retreat online.”
Monty, 31, an actor from Queens, who between shooting scenes spends about an hour a day masturbating to online porn, says he’s noticed the shift. “I was with a girl who seemed to be in an arms race with porn,” he says. “She had this imaginary Soviet Union she kept trying to out-fuck.”
“Women are turning up the dial,” says Evan, also 31. “I’m a pleaser. I get off on a woman’s arousal. But I’ve noticed that women are getting a lot more vocal now. Either I’m doing something I’m not aware of, or women are beginning to mimic what happens in porn. Honestly, it’s kind of weird. I’m not sure if I like it.”
Tony, 48, a web designer in St. Paul, who separated from his wife a few years ago after twenty years of marriage, echoes the thought. “I’ve always thought it’s really hot when women in porn movies say dirty stuff,” he says. “Usually, they’re just literally narrating the shit that’s happening, giving the play-by-play: ‘You’re fucking me! Your dick’s in my ass! I’m sucking your cock right now!’ For whatever reason, that’s what does it for me. But recently a woman I was with started saying all that stuff, and it just kind of spooked me. She seemed slightly nuts.”
And so a conundrum emerges. Men, oversaturated by porn, secretly hunger for the variety that porn offers. Women, noticing a decline in their partners’ libidos, try to reenact the kinds of scenes that men watch on their computer screens. Men, as a result, get really freaked out. They don’t want their real women and their fantasy women to inhabit the same body. Or, as Ron analogizes: “Remember Ghostbusters? How in love Bill Murray was with Dana, the Sigourney Weaver character? He feels lucky to even get her to agree to a date with him, but then when he shows up at her door, she’s possessed by demons, floating four feet above her bed, begging him to fuck her brains out. And he’s completely rattled by it and can’t get out of there fast enough. Well, that’s what it’s like when your girlfriend suddenly starts acting like a porn queen. You’re like, ‘Baby, where’d you go? I just want my girlfriend back.’ ”
Like any thorough researcher, I decided to investigate a theory. I had heard about something called the National Day of Unplugging, sponsored by the New York–based Jewish group Reboot, which encourages people to take a one-day vacation from their tech. But I chose to unplug in my own way: by refusing to visit the usual series of tawdry websites I frequent before bedtime. Now, I’m certainly not trying to indict porn, or to conclude that it has no place in men’s lives, whether they are alone or in company. And I’ll concede that some couples still find it to be something of a turn-on. But realigning one’s relationship to it might just improve one’s actual relationships—especially if you’re often finding yourself in the bedroom, staring into the eyes of a very confused partner. So I did some realigning.
I went without porn for a day. Then I tried it for two. Then three. On the fourth day, I had the fortune of having sex with a woman. And nothing was faked, although I can only speak for myself.
OK, except for the guy "Ron" being a total creep the article is pretty interesting. I have seen this effect, heck I've even left an encounter or two thinking to myself, "This wasn't really that good, not what I expected." and yes, in both experiences, I faked it to just kind of wrap things up. I think there is a case to be made that the influx of massive amounts of pornographic exposure probably is not a good thing overall for the libido of men, or women for that matter. Maybe thinking about it every man would be well advised to turn the monitor off once and awhile and abstain from the ass and titties. .
Why would I, a healthy guy in his thirties, need to fake an orgasm? It was mystifying. I wasn’t on antidepressants, which I’d heard could decrease sensation. I got plenty of exercise. It didn’t seem to matter which woman I was with, or what kind of condom we used, or whether I’d downed one glass of whiskey or ten, or if we listened to Neil Young or Al Green, as I learned through trial and error (mostly error). Over the course of months, I picked a dozen suspects out of the lineup and gradually cleared each one. Except, perhaps, the most obvious.
“Pornography? It’s a new synaptic pathway.” This is what John Mayer said in a candid interview with Playboy. “You wake up in the morning, open a thumbnail page, and it leads to a Pandora’s box of visuals,” he continued. “There have probably been days when I saw 300 vaginas before I got out of bed.”
Porn’s allure and ubiquity isn’t exactly titillating news. The question that still remains, however, is how this tsunami of porn is affecting the libido of the American male or, more selfishly, mine. First I came across a post on Sanjay Gupta’s blog by Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor, who wrote that he noticed a distinct rise in the number of men approaching him with concerns about delayed ejaculation. Kerner went on to attribute much of the problem to a “rapid proliferation of Internet porn” which leads to “over-masturbation,” something I’m very familiar with. Then I read about a University of Kansas study that found that 25 percent of college-age men said they’d faked orgasms, which, I’ll admit, was oddly comforting to hear. But it wasn’t until I interviewed dozens of men with varying porn-watching habits (and a few very open-minded women) that some unexpected themes began to emerge. Porn is not only shaping men’s physical and emotional interest in sex on a very fundamental neurological level, but it’s also having a series of unexpected ripple effects—namely on women.
For decades, hand-wringers have warned of a porn epidemic that would tear the nation’s moral fabric asunder. But if online porn has spread a sickness, it’s one that’s less like Ebola and more like a midwinter cold. The initial symptom for a lot of guys who frequently find themselves bookmarking their favorite illicit clips appears to be a waning desire for their partners. Jonas*, a 34-year-old ad exec, told me, “I get on SpankWire or X Videos—you could carve ice sculptures with my dick. I take a girl home from the bar, though, and I’ll be up for a minute while she’s going down on me, but once I put a condom on and we start going at it, it’s like the Challenger exploded—all the flags are at half-mast.”
Then there’s Stefan, a 43-year-old composer, who has no problem getting aroused when he has sex with his wife. “In order to come, though, I’ve got to resort to playing scenes in my head that I’ve seen while viewing porn. Something is lost there. I’m no longer with my wife; I’m inside my own head.”
As John Mayer told Playboy, “How could you be constantly synthesizing an orgasm based on dozens of shots? You’re looking for the one photo out of 100 you swear is going to be the one you finish to, and you still don’t finish … How does that not affect the psychology of having a relationship with somebody? It’s got to.” Most of the men I interviewed admitted having a similar habit of jumping quickly from porn clip to porn clip (which explains the rise and popularity of “cumshot” montages and other rapidly edited compilations). Kerner went so far as to coin the term “sexual attention deficit disorder.” For a lot of guys, switching gears from porn’s fireworks and whiz-bangs to the comparatively mundane calm of ordinary sex is like leaving halfway through an Imax 3-D movie to check out a flipbook.
“I used to race home to have sex with my wife,” says Perry, a 41-year-old lawyer. “Now I leave work a half-hour early so I can get home before she does and masturbate to porn.” Throughout the course of our conversation, Perry insists that he’s still attracted to his wife of twelve years. Still, he says, she can’t quite measure up to the porn stars he views online. “Not to be mean, but they’re younger, hotter, and wilder in the sack than my wife,” he says. “Me and her, we still ‘do it’ and everything, but instead of every day, it’s maybe once a week. It’s like I’ve got this ‘other woman’ … and the ‘other woman’ is porn.”
Ron, 27, an architecture student, met his girlfriend when they were both undergrads. She goes to school in another city, and Ron says that for the past couple of years, he’s had weekly “dates” with his favorite porn stars, which he looks forward to all day and even showers and shaves for, as though preparing for a live-action rendezvous. “Mondays are for Gia Jordan,” he says. “Tuesdays for Sasha Grey.” Wednesdays he has a reprieve—a Portuguese night class. “I always look forward to Thursdays the most—Kasey Kox,” he says. “Then, on the weekends, I hang out with my girlfriend.” Occasionally, when he returns to his apartment on Sundays, Ron explains, he roams the web looking for candidates to spend time with on Wednesday nights in case he has leftover energy after his language class. “I don’t like to believe that porn is replacing anything I have with my girlfriend,” he says, “but I’ve always loved sex, and I’ve always had a lot of it, so I really had to stop and think about it when she asked me recently why she always has to be the one to initiate things. And she was right; I guess I’ve been fading from her. It’s like all that time with these porn stars was subduing any physical desire for my girlfriend. And, in some weird way, my emotional need for her, too.”
Is it possible that porn is causing men to detach from their partners in more profound ways? Though porn research is the subject of much debate and barb-flinging (with religious groups seizing on any study to prove that porn and masturbation are wrong), scientists speculate that a dopamine-oxytocin combo is released in the brain during orgasm, acting as a “biochemical love potion,” as behavioral therapist Andrea Kuszewski calls it. It’s the reason after having sex with someone, you’re probably more inclined to form an emotional attachment. But you don’t have to actually have sex in order to get those neurotransmitters firing. When you watch porn, “you’re bonding with it,” Kuszewski says. “And those chemicals make you want to keep coming back to have that feeling.” Which allows men not only to get off on porn but to potentially develop a neurological attachment to it. They can, in essence, date porn.
And as tripod-in-the-corner porn evolves into a high-def wonderland, our grasp on whether we’re watching sex or actually having sex may, with the help of oxytocin, loosen. Many of the men I interviewed spoke of the charge they get from watching their favorite porn actresses. But they also had a tendency to describe the act of watching porn as though it were a real sex act they had participated in—making their emotional investment in porn all the more concrete. “I love when Kasey [Kox] is fully clothed and smiling at me from her bed, or I’m doing her from behind,” says Ron, the architecture student. “I get one glimpse of Kasey and I’m so turned on. I get dizzy.”
All of which raises an interesting question: How does having sometimes flaccid, sometimes faked, oftentimes dizzied sex impact the partners on the receiving end? Sadie, 29, a real-estate agent in Boston, quotes performance artist Nicole Blackman to make her point: “ ‘There is no glory in trying to make love to men who only know how to fuck—man after man after man after man raised on porn.’ There have been times in the past,” Sadie continues, “when I would be with someone and thinking, Jesus fucking Christ, what the fuck kind of stupid porn have you been watching? Did you just smack my kitty? Dumbass!”
“There’s a failure to distinguish between porn reality and reality reality,” says Monika, 27. “One guy kept shouting at me, ‘Ride the cock, ride the cock!’ I was laughing so hard we had to stop.”
As a result of the blending of reality and fantasy, some women have chosen to willingly play along by a new set of rules in order to keep their men interested: They’re intentionally impersonating porn stars. Sadie, the real-estate agent, says, “A lot of guys have come to expect P.S.E. [the “Porn-Star Experience”] as a common thing—snatches waxed bald, access to every hole—and plenty of women are more than happy to provide. A few might enjoy it, but for most it’s harrowing. I think there’s a fear that if they can’t make it happen, their boyfriend will retreat online.”
Monty, 31, an actor from Queens, who between shooting scenes spends about an hour a day masturbating to online porn, says he’s noticed the shift. “I was with a girl who seemed to be in an arms race with porn,” he says. “She had this imaginary Soviet Union she kept trying to out-fuck.”
“Women are turning up the dial,” says Evan, also 31. “I’m a pleaser. I get off on a woman’s arousal. But I’ve noticed that women are getting a lot more vocal now. Either I’m doing something I’m not aware of, or women are beginning to mimic what happens in porn. Honestly, it’s kind of weird. I’m not sure if I like it.”
Tony, 48, a web designer in St. Paul, who separated from his wife a few years ago after twenty years of marriage, echoes the thought. “I’ve always thought it’s really hot when women in porn movies say dirty stuff,” he says. “Usually, they’re just literally narrating the shit that’s happening, giving the play-by-play: ‘You’re fucking me! Your dick’s in my ass! I’m sucking your cock right now!’ For whatever reason, that’s what does it for me. But recently a woman I was with started saying all that stuff, and it just kind of spooked me. She seemed slightly nuts.”
And so a conundrum emerges. Men, oversaturated by porn, secretly hunger for the variety that porn offers. Women, noticing a decline in their partners’ libidos, try to reenact the kinds of scenes that men watch on their computer screens. Men, as a result, get really freaked out. They don’t want their real women and their fantasy women to inhabit the same body. Or, as Ron analogizes: “Remember Ghostbusters? How in love Bill Murray was with Dana, the Sigourney Weaver character? He feels lucky to even get her to agree to a date with him, but then when he shows up at her door, she’s possessed by demons, floating four feet above her bed, begging him to fuck her brains out. And he’s completely rattled by it and can’t get out of there fast enough. Well, that’s what it’s like when your girlfriend suddenly starts acting like a porn queen. You’re like, ‘Baby, where’d you go? I just want my girlfriend back.’ ”
Like any thorough researcher, I decided to investigate a theory. I had heard about something called the National Day of Unplugging, sponsored by the New York–based Jewish group Reboot, which encourages people to take a one-day vacation from their tech. But I chose to unplug in my own way: by refusing to visit the usual series of tawdry websites I frequent before bedtime. Now, I’m certainly not trying to indict porn, or to conclude that it has no place in men’s lives, whether they are alone or in company. And I’ll concede that some couples still find it to be something of a turn-on. But realigning one’s relationship to it might just improve one’s actual relationships—especially if you’re often finding yourself in the bedroom, staring into the eyes of a very confused partner. So I did some realigning.
I went without porn for a day. Then I tried it for two. Then three. On the fourth day, I had the fortune of having sex with a woman. And nothing was faked, although I can only speak for myself.
OK, except for the guy "Ron" being a total creep the article is pretty interesting. I have seen this effect, heck I've even left an encounter or two thinking to myself, "This wasn't really that good, not what I expected." and yes, in both experiences, I faked it to just kind of wrap things up. I think there is a case to be made that the influx of massive amounts of pornographic exposure probably is not a good thing overall for the libido of men, or women for that matter. Maybe thinking about it every man would be well advised to turn the monitor off once and awhile and abstain from the ass and titties. .
He’s Just Not That Into Anyone (an article about watching porn and men's changing libidos).
11/06/2011 10:52:10 PM
- 3151 Views
I disagree with the whole last third or fourth of the article.
12/06/2011 02:01:40 AM
- 937 Views
Re: I disagree with the whole last third or fourth of the article.
12/06/2011 08:49:39 PM
- 1215 Views
A lot of guys who get hooked on porn don't know how to approach women
12/06/2011 10:55:17 PM
- 1153 Views
Funny
13/06/2011 01:22:28 AM
- 1126 Views
You obviously never had a fulfilling long term sexual relationship with a woman.
13/06/2011 10:43:23 AM
- 893 Views
Oh My
13/06/2011 03:29:34 PM
- 944 Views
*giggle*
13/06/2011 03:46:28 PM
- 964 Views
Oh, I tend to be loving and appreciative
13/06/2011 05:08:56 PM
- 890 Views
That isnt fair, Helene *NM*
13/06/2011 06:22:25 PM
- 471 Views
What isn't fair?
13/06/2011 08:07:08 PM
- 1094 Views
I'm not looking for someone to fix, but the not fair bit I was refering to was little irony dig *NM*
13/06/2011 10:10:11 PM
- 493 Views
You don't need to be broken to enjoy being appreciated
13/06/2011 10:17:01 PM
- 894 Views
No, Helene, You repeatedly attempt to sidetrack discussion with attacks against my person
13/06/2011 10:20:01 PM
- 1030 Views
But it makes me feel good
13/06/2011 10:45:07 PM
- 902 Views
I'm not a hedonist
13/06/2011 10:57:25 PM
- 1060 Views
If you really wanted to debate the actual issue, you would have. *NM*
13/06/2011 11:51:53 PM
- 366 Views
I don't believe that at all.
13/06/2011 04:48:26 AM
- 1042 Views
Ok, perhaps I can't talk from experience... as that group of men has self selected out of the game
13/06/2011 10:47:59 AM
- 967 Views
Showing appreciation is a losing strategy.
13/06/2011 04:55:09 AM
- 1002 Views
So you don't know how to open a woman up sexually
13/06/2011 10:51:17 AM
- 1008 Views
Oh how clever of you!
13/06/2011 09:59:01 PM
- 1097 Views
Not to gang up on you or anything, but...
13/06/2011 10:15:57 PM
- 1023 Views
If you'ld actually read his post Tom gave reasons beyond lack of sexual adventuressness *NM*
13/06/2011 10:17:11 PM
- 500 Views
Of which the "letting you do your own thing" was the only one I can take seriously.
13/06/2011 10:30:10 PM
- 884 Views
So rather than adress your disagreement on the facts you just pretended he didn't say them? *NM*
13/06/2011 10:34:02 PM
- 466 Views
I'm sure that there are Eastern European women who will fulfill the "traditionally female role"?
13/06/2011 10:43:43 PM
- 979 Views
It's that the prudishness is indicative of a more general sense of entitlement and manipulativeness.
13/06/2011 11:02:20 PM
- 1100 Views
Yes. And "passive-aggressive behavior" is another one I'd add. *NM*
13/06/2011 11:18:40 PM
- 377 Views
So far in this debate, you've only displayed your feelings of entitlement
14/06/2011 12:05:16 AM
- 902 Views
I give to the relationship. I give a shitload of money.
14/06/2011 12:13:47 AM
- 913 Views
Bringing in money does not a relationship make. The rest, however, sounds a lot better
14/06/2011 12:38:45 AM
- 979 Views
So Let me understand what you are saying...
14/06/2011 02:40:50 AM
- 1014 Views
I'm not sure, based on that response, you're capable of understanding anything at all.
14/06/2011 03:17:37 AM
- 1031 Views
I can see why you might have trouble finding an American woman who would agree with that
14/06/2011 02:00:49 PM
- 1017 Views
Guys have their own problems, but the conversation is revolving around women at the moment. *NM* *NM*
14/06/2011 01:23:20 AM
- 484 Views
The conversation did start being about MEN's problems.
14/06/2011 03:36:36 AM
- 973 Views
Be good, Ana.
14/06/2011 03:40:12 AM
- 752 Views
You may be mistaken.
14/06/2011 03:54:28 AM
- 982 Views
Thats unfortuanate, Ana
14/06/2011 03:58:50 AM
- 878 Views
The only reason the conversation is revolving around women is because Tom laid all the blame at
14/06/2011 07:35:34 AM
- 1067 Views
Wow.. all the misogynists came out to play
13/06/2011 11:57:05 PM
- 1074 Views
I don't see a lot of misogyny.
14/06/2011 12:59:06 AM
- 839 Views
You are blind to misogyny because you lack awareness in that area
14/06/2011 07:38:48 AM
- 902 Views
Why misogynist? Why not Anti-American?
14/06/2011 01:32:17 AM
- 1396 Views
So, which women are better than American women?
14/06/2011 03:38:38 AM
- 1044 Views
Re: Haha
14/06/2011 04:18:46 AM
- 940 Views
You seem very intent on coming off as the smartest guy in the room.
14/06/2011 04:40:26 AM
- 1042 Views
I think that's an unfair characterization of the RP board
14/06/2011 04:58:29 AM
- 928 Views
Who are you, again?
14/06/2011 05:07:04 AM
- 780 Views
Tsk. I need to be more memorable.
14/06/2011 05:16:33 AM
- 1109 Views
Er, see my post withe country names in it. I hate this messageboard layout. *NM* *NM*
14/06/2011 04:50:31 AM
- 457 Views
Spain, Norway, Japan?
14/06/2011 04:38:43 AM
- 1037 Views
Norway is the only one that passes.
14/06/2011 01:14:54 PM
- 884 Views
Why did I pick that one? Because you completely ignore men's part in a culture that sexually
14/06/2011 07:54:39 AM
- 1042 Views
Helene, you're also not an American woman.
14/06/2011 01:03:23 PM
- 1049 Views
It's the people who make sweeping generalisations about American women who need to defend themselves
14/06/2011 01:18:43 PM
- 882 Views
I didn't ignore it at all. I just bracketed it. It's quite possible, you know.
14/06/2011 08:49:03 PM
- 1024 Views
I don't exactly expect to influence your opinion, just to voice my own.
13/06/2011 10:40:39 PM
- 896 Views
The last part summed it up nicely. That was all I thought you meant anyway.
14/06/2011 03:17:45 AM
- 903 Views
Oh, but I can do any and all of these things!
14/06/2011 12:06:41 AM
- 1030 Views
hey! I really like your poem "name" - syllables knowing other lovers - excellent.
15/06/2011 01:49:06 AM
- 826 Views
I agree.
13/06/2011 01:23:51 PM
- 991 Views
Inside the bedroom? Sure. I could agree. But you're not American anyway.
13/06/2011 08:52:42 PM
- 946 Views
You're basically just saying that American attitudes toward sex results in repressed women
13/06/2011 09:03:47 PM
- 1028 Views
Theoretically they can be "unrepressed". But why waste the time and effort?
13/06/2011 10:06:52 PM
- 1082 Views
How can you tell it's because she cares, instead of because that's what's traditionally expected
13/06/2011 10:48:12 PM
- 1001 Views
It's funny
13/06/2011 02:51:03 PM
- 1151 Views
Well of course you can't see the faults of American women. You're American.
13/06/2011 08:51:35 PM
- 1048 Views
I'm sure that American women, along with all other women on earth
13/06/2011 09:00:33 PM
- 1067 Views
It's not my job to make a girl comfortable about her sexuality.
13/06/2011 10:03:27 PM
- 960 Views
If the sex is all there is, then yes, makes sense.
13/06/2011 10:18:15 PM
- 1046 Views
Who willingly goes into a relationship knowing the sex will be bad?
14/06/2011 03:52:43 AM
- 954 Views
And you don't think that the men in these relationships contributed to the current situation at all?
14/06/2011 07:59:15 AM
- 748 Views
In this particular aspect, absolutely not.
14/06/2011 02:19:33 PM
- 938 Views
Of course I consider that you might be right
14/06/2011 03:59:50 PM
- 1051 Views
^ And this response immediately above is my last. This is eating into a real workday now. ^
14/06/2011 05:53:43 PM
- 940 Views
Loads of people, if that's compensated by other things?
14/06/2011 08:38:45 PM
- 1109 Views
I would rather be in a good marriage with bad sex than the other way around *NM*
14/06/2011 10:33:27 PM
- 532 Views
Of course it is your job as a sex partner to make your partner feel comfortable about being with you
13/06/2011 10:50:52 PM
- 885 Views
Like fucking Hell it is.
14/06/2011 12:18:02 AM
- 838 Views
You're totally cracking me up in here.
14/06/2011 12:30:39 AM
- 975 Views
Have you ever been accused of date rape?
14/06/2011 12:46:30 AM
- 801 Views
No. And that's an absurd question.
14/06/2011 01:08:13 AM
- 876 Views
No, the point you were arguing was absurd. I just pointed out what you were arguing.
14/06/2011 08:03:13 AM
- 1050 Views
Let's cut the sophistry
14/06/2011 02:24:52 PM
- 1038 Views
If that's what you wanted to say, it would have helped for you to be more explicit.
14/06/2011 04:10:43 PM
- 969 Views
"Why do these women use sex as a manipulative tool?"
14/06/2011 05:06:33 PM
- 1010 Views
It seems to me there is a very simple answer to that question.
14/06/2011 05:26:09 PM
- 914 Views
I don't think it works at all.
14/06/2011 05:48:48 PM
- 886 Views
Your anecdotal evidence suggests otherwise.
14/06/2011 06:31:28 PM
- 1150 Views
I agree with Sareitha. Women do that because it (apears to) works for them, in the short term
14/06/2011 08:28:11 PM
- 852 Views
I can't see that I would put up with that either
14/06/2011 10:32:09 PM
- 935 Views
I haven't tried it either. Seems to me like that is closely related to The Silent Treatment.
15/06/2011 03:43:45 AM
- 1023 Views
A fairly self-aware American. With many female friends, even
13/06/2011 11:59:34 PM
- 1022 Views
Yeah I don't buy that "most American girls are prudes" concept
14/06/2011 04:10:37 PM
- 643 Views
I think most of it depends on the "type" of girl a guy goes for.
14/06/2011 11:09:34 PM
- 962 Views
some times there is a fine line between kinky and perverted sometimes there isn't
14/06/2011 11:32:17 PM
- 1060 Views
A moment
14/06/2011 05:01:05 PM
- 884 Views
Camilla, I'm trying to keep this at arm's length a bit.
14/06/2011 05:42:18 PM
- 888 Views
But you started it.
14/06/2011 08:43:47 PM
- 957 Views
I did start it, yes.
16/06/2011 03:32:54 PM
- 932 Views
You should have quit before this.
16/06/2011 03:46:01 PM
- 1007 Views
No, I shouldn't have.
16/06/2011 04:03:21 PM
- 944 Views
Re: I did start it, yes.
16/06/2011 03:46:06 PM
- 826 Views
Yes, we do!
16/06/2011 04:04:02 PM
- 1014 Views
Take is up the ass or you are a prude?
16/06/2011 04:09:54 PM
- 1133 Views
Maybe Tom will make allowances for preferences instead of an unwillingness because it's "wrong"? *NM*
16/06/2011 04:22:45 PM
- 445 Views
You didn't read the list very well.
16/06/2011 07:08:19 PM
- 956 Views
Re: The idea that If it hurts it's not being done right - Not neccessarily.
17/06/2011 01:13:18 AM
- 959 Views
If I weren't such a prude (3), I would post this list to facebook.
16/06/2011 05:08:05 PM
- 1017 Views
You mixed up prudishness and sexual compatibility with you
16/06/2011 05:21:31 PM
- 1033 Views
No I didn't.
16/06/2011 07:14:27 PM
- 934 Views
Calling my response a knee jerk reaction is just silly, and in itself, a knee jerk response.
16/06/2011 07:38:28 PM
- 1139 Views
Okay. I'm going to just stop replying.
16/06/2011 08:28:02 PM
- 732 Views
Your world view is just too self referential to be
16/06/2011 08:36:39 PM
- 953 Views
As is yours. *NM*
16/06/2011 08:44:10 PM
- 342 Views
Question
16/06/2011 07:42:37 PM
- 939 Views
Ha Ha, who cares about the guy? It is only female sexuality that is on trial.
16/06/2011 08:06:33 PM
- 866 Views
That is an incorrect assumption.
16/06/2011 08:30:08 PM
- 894 Views
Awww you didn't take my bait!
16/06/2011 08:44:16 PM
- 818 Views
There's very little I haven't been willing to do
16/06/2011 08:52:31 PM
- 926 Views
Hehehe, But *I* recall it!
16/06/2011 09:22:40 PM
- 965 Views
Wait, I think I know what you're talking about.
16/06/2011 09:27:20 PM
- 923 Views
Damn, I was going to guess "in a coffin".
16/06/2011 09:31:36 PM
- 1125 Views
She's significantly younger than O'Donnell, and was better looking.
16/06/2011 09:33:51 PM
- 942 Views
I'm reminded of an ex of mine
16/06/2011 08:32:34 PM
- 745 Views
That's really awful.
16/06/2011 09:16:33 PM
- 1025 Views
When you're with a person who appreciates you, it's not like that at all
16/06/2011 09:29:32 PM
- 720 Views
THIS!! LISTEN!! the woman is * lightbulb* speaking from a woman's perspective.
14/06/2011 02:52:26 AM
- 1039 Views
Wondering why we're still single, are we? Try a minimum of politeness first.
14/06/2011 03:21:15 AM
- 787 Views
Where did I insinuate you can't please women? *NM*
14/06/2011 08:05:14 AM
- 325 Views
I refer you to "So you don't know how to open a woman up sexually" *NM*
14/06/2011 02:09:40 PM
- 385 Views
That's not about pleasing, that's about making someone feel confident and safe
14/06/2011 04:13:24 PM
- 985 Views
What B/c i sank you YOUR level? Piss Off. AS if I give 2 shits what you think about me.
16/06/2011 02:19:04 AM
- 1116 Views
Becca, can you pinpoint the moment you became a bitter worndown shell of a woman? *NM*
16/06/2011 03:21:21 AM
- 460 Views
Your journal entry is revealing. You sound bitter and hurt. I hope you find the healing you need.
15/06/2011 01:40:23 AM
- 988 Views
You know what? not called for. *NM*
15/06/2011 02:05:14 PM
- 321 Views
Re: It's funny
14/06/2011 03:50:13 AM
- 1009 Views
On a completely unrelated note
14/06/2011 11:03:58 PM
- 932 Views
TMJ is right.
15/06/2011 02:11:57 PM
- 994 Views
Re: TMJ is right.
16/06/2011 12:22:10 AM
- 1057 Views
Yes.
16/06/2011 03:41:05 PM
- 872 Views
Excuse me while I go hit something. A journalism major perhaps. *NM*
12/06/2011 09:09:26 PM
- 441 Views
Stunning rebuttal!!! *NM*
12/06/2011 10:07:39 PM
- 328 Views
Theres nothing there I really need to refute....
13/06/2011 01:20:43 AM
- 870 Views
Well, thanks for contributing nothing to the discussion. *NM*
13/06/2011 04:41:56 AM
- 335 Views
Is there a reason you feel the need to jump up my ass? *NM*
13/06/2011 05:16:53 AM
- 489 Views
Your winning personality?
13/06/2011 03:45:09 PM
- 964 Views
of course looking at tons of porn all the time is going to affect men
13/06/2011 11:15:02 PM
- 1090 Views
You make a lot of sense, thanks for posting and adding your perspective. *NM*
14/06/2011 12:11:03 AM
- 323 Views
Re: It's a sexy topic, but all these generalizations are becoming wet blankets.
14/06/2011 02:13:31 AM
- 1000 Views
I think this and the replies by Post Secret and random thoughts all kind of get at my ideas here.
14/06/2011 02:30:52 PM
- 1011 Views
There is way too much crap in this thread, but I give this reply my seal of approval. *NM*
14/06/2011 05:02:04 PM
- 475 Views
I think you are spot on with the seal theory.
14/06/2011 05:16:59 PM
- 1053 Views
Dirty motherfuckers! We need to lift all bans on whaling immediately to stem this momentum! *NM*
15/06/2011 01:56:30 AM
- 465 Views
[something less snarky]
14/06/2011 10:17:18 PM
- 1090 Views
Re: How come your 1st edit is not at all what was originally posted?
15/06/2011 03:06:02 AM
- 1024 Views
Funny how so many fault lines rupture in the comments to posts like this
14/06/2011 04:23:23 AM
- 1125 Views
so the problem is southern women are just not good enough for you?
14/06/2011 01:51:30 PM
- 948 Views
No, more like not similar enough
14/06/2011 04:13:52 PM
- 970 Views
As someone who has never lived under the same roof more than five consecutive years
14/06/2011 06:06:10 PM
- 1062 Views
Job. Always a job matter.
14/06/2011 11:22:33 PM
- 1113 Views
Try south Texas, you may not notice you are not in South America
15/06/2011 02:44:21 AM
- 887 Views
Ha! I used to live in the metro Miami area, so I know what you mean
15/06/2011 03:20:41 AM
- 953 Views
sweet jesus you are crazy
15/06/2011 04:38:28 AM
- 805 Views
Maybe, but it certainly drains me of being involved much elsewhere
15/06/2011 05:29:21 AM
- 1032 Views
Why all this vitriol?
14/06/2011 05:19:47 AM
- 936 Views
It started there here:
14/06/2011 01:06:32 PM
- 1002 Views
Tom made an untenable comment
14/06/2011 01:21:06 PM
- 910 Views
Interestingly, the article talked about men being prudish in their real lives.
14/06/2011 03:27:00 PM
- 995 Views
I figure this may be true, but I can't speak from a lot of experience.
14/06/2011 04:23:08 PM
- 865 Views
I was writing a lengthy reply to disagree, but then I ended up rather close to where you stand.
14/06/2011 09:17:55 PM
- 943 Views
We haven't had one of these in a while!
14/06/2011 06:36:18 AM
- 975 Views
Yes, it takes a good flame war to get the engines firing on all cylinders.
14/06/2011 02:00:20 PM
- 853 Views
This post got more abused than a nasty Japanese bukkake! Lol. *NM*
15/06/2011 10:07:04 AM
- 517 Views
I started to read this but got bored and looked at porn.
14/06/2011 03:15:28 PM
- 990 Views
I think I've read pretty much all of it. I think it's better than porn. Well, bad porn.
14/06/2011 11:01:20 PM
- 996 Views
You know what Tom, it occurs to me that this is very American thinking.
15/06/2011 03:07:00 AM
- 927 Views
Actually, my Russian guy friends tend to be more vehement than I am on this point.
15/06/2011 05:12:51 AM
- 1251 Views
Huh, could it be because most Russians are atheist?
15/06/2011 05:36:47 AM
- 1035 Views
That could be a major part of it
16/06/2011 09:06:21 PM
- 883 Views
Well, there's no question that a prior consultation with me could strengthen any argument. *NM*
16/06/2011 10:36:12 PM
- 412 Views