Our attitude toward our relationship changed after we got married even though we had been living like we were married for years. We started taking it more seriously. There was more security but also more complaisance. I take marriage very seriously and I think you should be expected to do whatever you can to make marriage work and you don't get to bail just because you are bored or unhappy. That changed the way look at my wife and even the way I felt about her. I felt a responsibility for her wellbeing and happiness that hadn't really had before. When we dated and she didn't have money for something she wanted I cared but now I feel like it is my fault when she can't have what she wants, and it is. I also get more jealous and feel I have more right to tell her what I do or don't want her to do. Don't get more wrong my wife doesn't do what I tell her and she is more likely to put her foot down and demand I don't something than I am with her but we both felt we had more right to make such demands after we were married.
Think about it this way. When we were just living together if I had wanted to take a two week trip to Alaska and she didn't like I would have listened to her considered her objections and then done what I wanted. Now I wouldn't go unless I could get her to agree to it. I know it is easy to blow off all that two become one crap but making a lifetime commitment to each other can and should change the relationship and it gives both of you the right to makes denmands that people just living together don't get to make.
And about the time you get used to the new relationship you have kids and the level of commitment goes up another order of magnitude. I don't think a man looks at the mother of his daughter the same way he looks at his fiancé and if they have a healthy relationship that isn't a bad thing.
Think about it this way. When we were just living together if I had wanted to take a two week trip to Alaska and she didn't like I would have listened to her considered her objections and then done what I wanted. Now I wouldn't go unless I could get her to agree to it. I know it is easy to blow off all that two become one crap but making a lifetime commitment to each other can and should change the relationship and it gives both of you the right to makes denmands that people just living together don't get to make.
And about the time you get used to the new relationship you have kids and the level of commitment goes up another order of magnitude. I don't think a man looks at the mother of his daughter the same way he looks at his fiancé and if they have a healthy relationship that isn't a bad thing.
Relationship - positive development or signs of eventual break down?
19/04/2011 08:48:26 AM
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Helene, I want to give you an answer but...
19/04/2011 08:58:45 AM
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Not all inlaws are bad, you know, I prefer some of my inlaws to my own family. *NM*
19/04/2011 01:56:03 PM
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inlaws are not always bad
19/04/2011 02:10:18 PM
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I think they are right
19/04/2011 10:20:39 AM
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Re: I think they are right
19/04/2011 01:59:57 PM
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I think that's an unfair assumption.
19/04/2011 02:16:54 PM
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What he said about his wife's mother
19/04/2011 02:59:32 PM
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Ew. I would have a problem with that too. Something about that attitude makes me dig in my heels.
20/04/2011 01:37:38 AM
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No offense...
19/04/2011 02:35:53 PM
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yes but have you found such a thing?
19/04/2011 03:05:35 PM
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For now I have *NM*
19/04/2011 03:08:17 PM
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how long has it been? *NM*
19/04/2011 03:16:32 PM
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Yes. But it didn't start out like that. Took years to chip away all our rough edges.
20/04/2011 01:40:29 AM
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He definitely has a point about realistic expectations
19/04/2011 01:56:49 PM
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Re: He definitely has a point about realistic expectations
19/04/2011 02:07:34 PM
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Re: He definitely has a point about realistic expectations
19/04/2011 02:23:14 PM
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You don't strike me as the "screeching-howler-monkey" type to begin with. *NM*
19/04/2011 03:33:41 PM
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I love just about everything about you Sareitha. Good answers all. *NM*
20/04/2011 01:26:34 AM
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I translated "I will think about it" as a secret but obvious code for. "I don't really want to but
20/04/2011 01:34:36 AM
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that's what I would have meant if I said "I'll think about it" *NM*
20/04/2011 02:00:33 AM
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The fact that you are referring to a fiancé and comparing it to wife says a lot
19/04/2011 02:09:27 PM
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To be fair, me and my fiance have been together for about as long as they have
19/04/2011 02:57:03 PM
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I don't know about everyone but things changed when we got married
19/04/2011 03:16:11 PM
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How did things change?
19/04/2011 04:14:56 PM
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Like I said I can only speak for myself
19/04/2011 04:54:04 PM
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My husband and I don't understand why people say this.
20/04/2011 01:03:31 AM
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I did say I was only speaking for myself
20/04/2011 01:58:45 PM
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I know.
20/04/2011 09:01:11 PM
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Re: The fact that you are referring to a fiancé and comparing it to wife says a lot
19/04/2011 04:34:34 PM
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From the information that you have presented...
19/04/2011 03:50:19 PM
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I am in agreement with you, and I'm not particularly Christian.
19/04/2011 04:11:57 PM
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Which is sad (not the agreement, but their potential future)
19/04/2011 06:29:47 PM
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Oh yes... I'm of course not sure. I can be way off base :-) Let's hope I am.
19/04/2011 06:55:13 PM
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Could go either way.
19/04/2011 04:36:02 PM
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I get the impression that it's more about her forming toward him than vice versa
19/04/2011 06:56:37 PM
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I don't necessarily think it will end in a breakup or divorce.
19/04/2011 04:44:11 PM
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I think you are 100% right about having a good realtionship with your spouse's family
19/04/2011 05:07:12 PM
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I think this is about priorities.
20/04/2011 01:07:20 AM
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Our priorities may shift over time, too. We're still very young and more tied to our families.
20/04/2011 03:09:54 AM
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I think it's impossible for me to judge their future status without knowing more about them
19/04/2011 07:22:32 PM
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What you said in the original question wouldn't neccessarily mean much to me either way.
20/04/2011 01:56:55 AM
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It's not all out "she's worthless", it's more like "she's a bit silly with all her wishes"
20/04/2011 08:46:49 AM
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I don't know. *NM* (I feel bad for the 20 people who viewed this message- my apologies)
20/04/2011 04:36:13 AM
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