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Like I said I can only speak for myself random thoughts Send a noteboard - 19/04/2011 04:54:04 PM
Our attitude toward our relationship changed after we got married even though we had been living like we were married for years. We started taking it more seriously. There was more security but also more complaisance. I take marriage very seriously and I think you should be expected to do whatever you can to make marriage work and you don't get to bail just because you are bored or unhappy. That changed the way look at my wife and even the way I felt about her. I felt a responsibility for her wellbeing and happiness that hadn't really had before. When we dated and she didn't have money for something she wanted I cared but now I feel like it is my fault when she can't have what she wants, and it is. I also get more jealous and feel I have more right to tell her what I do or don't want her to do. Don't get more wrong my wife doesn't do what I tell her and she is more likely to put her foot down and demand I don't something than I am with her but we both felt we had more right to make such demands after we were married.

Think about it this way. When we were just living together if I had wanted to take a two week trip to Alaska and she didn't like I would have listened to her considered her objections and then done what I wanted. Now I wouldn't go unless I could get her to agree to it. I know it is easy to blow off all that two become one crap but making a lifetime commitment to each other can and should change the relationship and it gives both of you the right to makes denmands that people just living together don't get to make.

And about the time you get used to the new relationship you have kids and the level of commitment goes up another order of magnitude. I don't think a man looks at the mother of his daughter the same way he looks at his fiancé and if they have a healthy relationship that isn't a bad thing.
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Relationship - positive development or signs of eventual break down? - 19/04/2011 08:48:26 AM 1805 Views
Helene, I want to give you an answer but... - 19/04/2011 08:58:45 AM 961 Views
Fair enough - 19/04/2011 10:01:51 AM 911 Views
inlaws are not always bad - 19/04/2011 02:10:18 PM 874 Views
I spend way more time with my in-laws than with my own family. - 19/04/2011 02:17:41 PM 865 Views
I'm like this with my future in-laws too. *NM* - 19/04/2011 04:47:05 PM 424 Views
I think they are right - 19/04/2011 10:20:39 AM 1090 Views
I see your point - 19/04/2011 10:42:51 AM 1042 Views
Re: I think they are right - 19/04/2011 01:59:57 PM 920 Views
I think that's an unfair assumption. - 19/04/2011 02:16:54 PM 849 Views
What he said about his wife's mother - 19/04/2011 02:59:32 PM 1016 Views
No offense... - 19/04/2011 02:35:53 PM 1001 Views
yes but have you found such a thing? - 19/04/2011 03:05:35 PM 922 Views
For now I have *NM* - 19/04/2011 03:08:17 PM 460 Views
how long has it been? *NM* - 19/04/2011 03:16:32 PM 435 Views
Don't try to corrupt me with your long term pessimism - 19/04/2011 03:34:39 PM 867 Views
sadly I seem attracted to the crazies *NM* - 19/04/2011 04:08:14 PM 428 Views
Could be either - 19/04/2011 10:30:50 AM 963 Views
True enough... - 19/04/2011 10:44:28 AM 941 Views
My opinion is the latter. - 19/04/2011 01:55:00 PM 947 Views
He definitely has a point about realistic expectations - 19/04/2011 01:56:49 PM 919 Views
Re: He definitely has a point about realistic expectations - 19/04/2011 02:07:34 PM 884 Views
Re: He definitely has a point about realistic expectations - 19/04/2011 02:13:25 PM 1022 Views
I should have read this first. - 19/04/2011 02:25:16 PM 966 Views
Re: He definitely has a point about realistic expectations - 19/04/2011 02:23:14 PM 932 Views
The fact that you are referring to a fiancé and comparing it to wife says a lot - 19/04/2011 02:09:27 PM 1025 Views
To be fair, me and my fiance have been together for about as long as they have - 19/04/2011 02:57:03 PM 877 Views
I don't know about everyone but things changed when we got married - 19/04/2011 03:16:11 PM 921 Views
How did things change? - 19/04/2011 04:14:56 PM 932 Views
Like I said I can only speak for myself - 19/04/2011 04:54:04 PM 937 Views
There's already a 10 year old in the picture for us - 19/04/2011 06:52:44 PM 866 Views
My husband and I don't understand why people say this. - 20/04/2011 01:03:31 AM 977 Views
I did say I was only speaking for myself - 20/04/2011 01:58:45 PM 908 Views
I know. - 20/04/2011 09:01:11 PM 1141 Views
Sorry for some reason I thought you had just got married. - 20/04/2011 09:52:24 PM 1379 Views
Good luck to them! *NM* - 22/04/2011 04:25:38 AM 415 Views
From the information that you have presented... - 19/04/2011 03:50:19 PM 1071 Views
Could go either way. - 19/04/2011 04:36:02 PM 875 Views
I get the impression that it's more about her forming toward him than vice versa - 19/04/2011 06:56:37 PM 880 Views
Giving up is one thing, growing past is another. - 19/04/2011 10:00:55 PM 834 Views
Oh, to be fair, he's the friend and she's the wife - 20/04/2011 08:43:12 AM 800 Views
I don't necessarily think it will end in a breakup or divorce. - 19/04/2011 04:44:11 PM 863 Views
I think this is about priorities. - 20/04/2011 01:07:20 AM 1020 Views
Our priorities may shift over time, too. We're still very young and more tied to our families. - 20/04/2011 03:09:54 AM 865 Views
Even when younger, I was independent. - 20/04/2011 05:29:59 AM 770 Views
*nods* - 20/04/2011 06:25:29 AM 949 Views
- 22/04/2011 04:29:32 AM 1154 Views
Not the former for sure, and maybe not the latter. - 19/04/2011 05:55:03 PM 921 Views
Can't tell. - 19/04/2011 10:04:27 PM 839 Views
I'm with the 'can't tell' crowd. - 19/04/2011 11:37:17 PM 1147 Views
hell, or she could just not care too much at all - 19/04/2011 11:43:21 PM 859 Views
I'm leaning more towards your interpretation. *NM* - 20/04/2011 02:15:22 AM 391 Views
I'm with you on this. *NM* - 20/04/2011 10:00:41 AM 440 Views
*sigh* - 20/04/2011 09:25:02 PM 983 Views
Re: I mean, it's not good. *NM* - 20/04/2011 11:50:21 PM 383 Views

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