I've never done the "renewing your vows" thing so I can only guess. It seems like that would still be a very special event, in some ways more so because as much about the existing marriages long past as its future, but your expectations, your spouses and the familys aren't nearly as great. You don't have the formal legal (and sometimes religious) aspects looming over everything, or people with eyes and cameras to remember every moment so they can fawn over (or tease) you about it for the next half century. Don't get me wrong, I'm very glad we got married and very much enjoyed the wedding and reception, but by the time all the planning and performance concluded we were both saying, "I'm glad we're done". It was like a great weight had been lifted and we could get back to our life together; my inclination was always toward something like a minimalist JP wedding, and with the bells ringing above while dozens of people stared at me I remembered why. I think what got me through it was moondog and Mahtaliel reminding me that once she walked into the church no one was looking at ME.

Several.

As a guest, yeah, they're great; in my experience their enjoyability is inversely proportional to your proximity to the altar.

As a guest, it's a lot of fun and often very touching, plus there's usually a nice meal, lots of cake and a party at the end; about the only possible source of stress is if you're expected to bring a date and don't have one, which is no longer an issue for me.

As a member of the wedding party it's slightly more onerous because you often don't get to pick your own clothes (almost never if your a woman, and unless you're the bride there's a good chance what's chosen FOR you will be hideous) and you'll be at the front of the ceremony, but you're still not really the focus of attention and pretty much just have to show up on time. The bride, her mom, the priest/magistrate and/or the wedding planner will probably have some basic instructions, but about the only duty you have is to walk down the aisle and stand next to the bride or groom. Usually the only source of stress is if you end up dancing with someone very unappealing from the other half of the bridal party, or one SO attractive that your date gets jealous, but that will probably only be one dance, and if neither of you brought a date it might even work out pretty well for you....

As Best Man or Maid of Honor there are major responsibilities. You have to coordinate almost everything you do, down to bathroom breaks (wedding dresses, I'm told, are usually a two person job), with either the bride or the groom. That's on top of the fact that there will usually be a number of instructions from at least the bride and often from a committee organizing the wedding. These things routinely conspire to leave you as frazzled as the bride and groom, because not only do you have to make sure you're on time, know all your lines, have all your props and hit all your marks, your primary responsibility is to make sure that either the bride or groom does all those things, too (which must be reconciled with your secondary responsibility: The bachelor/ette party; best NOT to do this the night before the wedding). The difference, of course, is that if the groom screws something up the bride is still going home with him; if the BEST MAN screws something up the bride may never speak to him again (and ensure her husband doesn't either). Don't go too far with the traditional trashing of the happy couples car; stick with stuff that's funny but not actually DAMAGING (it's amazing how many people must be told not to make the vents reek or grease all the door handles). If you lose the rings, better be a good sprinter....

Then, of course, there's the bride and groom. Everyone's watching, so don't screw up, but you won't have to wonder later whether you made a mistake: There will be plenty of film and videotape to let you know. And, of course, your spouse, who'll still be able to cite any major gaffes at your kids wedding. Roughly 25% of the speaking parts are yours. Many people write their own vows, though apparently that's not as popular in Norway, so maybe you'll be off the hook down your way, but otherwise you not only have to know your lines, you have to come up with some pretty good ones. You have the most restrictive and demanding clothing requirements--plus you usually have to choose clothing for the rest of the bridal party, even if that's just a Best Man and Maid/Matron of Honor.

Easily the worst job has to be the brides, who also has the most ungainly clothing with the most demands made of it. Forget the whole "do/n't I wear white?" question; just makes sure you have something you can walk in (shoes as well as dress) and don't put the bridesmaids in something for which they'll never forgive you. Then all you have to do is have your stylist prepare the greatest hair since the storming of the Bastille, a makeup artist who makes you look as young as a teenager, mature as a matron and stunningly beautiful--but not like a clown or a hooker-- and an entourage to assemble your outfit around you. Usually you'll try to match all this and everything else at the wedding to your expectations while juggling your mothers expectations, and you're almost certain to disagree strongly about something important. There's a reason wedding planners exist, and a reason they're well paid; by making sure the trains run on time they liberate the bride to concentrate on less important things like remembering her veil and breathing. Unless the wedding is fairly small and simple I recommend a wedding planner just for the sake of your own sanity.

One of the few (but significant) nice things about being a man at a wedding is that unless you're the groom (and rarely even then) there's NOWHERE your input is even desired, much less required. Even as the Best Man all I've ever had to do is pay close attention to what the bride/wedding planner told me then do EXACTLY that, no more and no less.

Despite all the sweating I did, yeah, it was mine, because I knew it made my wife very very happy, it was something she HAD looked forward to a very long time and I delivered for her. From Day One she got the fantasy made reality just like I promised, and she got to be the fairytale Princess just like she's always dreamed. Totally worth it, all the crap with UDI and my job and my car and at least one of us getting sick every time we made the trip to see each other (naturally, one of us had to be sick on the wedding day). There's one thing I wish had gone differently, but there was nothing anyone on Earth could do about that.

As to the party, good friends, good food, good music and good booze; those were the common threads at every good wedding I've attended. Cash bar; an open bar encourages the kind of drunken debauchery that occurred at my cousins wedding (my uncle assured me on the way home that I probably could've gone home with one of the grooms moms friends, which I don't doubt for a second. )

If it were just me I'd meet the priest, the bride and maybe a half dozen friends at a nice park on a nice day, say our vows and a prayer, and get on with life. Of course, not everyone (such as brides and families) feels that way....

I prefer more traditional ones. If it's about the ceremony, make it about the ceremony; you can do stupid crap on the honeymoon.

You didn't ask, but unless you're going with a very minimalist wedding I recommend a rehearsal (of course, those tend to be accompanied by a rehearsal dinner, but unless you do the JP thing there's really no such thing as a cheap wedding).