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I am not a black woman and I haven't done it ironclad Send a noteboard - 23/03/2011 11:24:16 AM

Here's my dilemma. I'm white. (It's nice to meet you.) I recently went out with a guy who identifies as black (African American) - a first for me, which is statistically significant. I feel it would be wrong for me to date this guy because of the dearth of eligible black men. There are more black men currently in jail than attending college. Black women who are looking to date within their race (and many prefer to, for several reasons) face a well-documented crisis: intelligent, college-educated, professional black women VASTLY outnumber their male peers. This is a fact.

I feel it would be wrong for me to exacerbate that shortage. I have no ideological or otherwise preferences for dating outside my race. While I have no preference for his demographical type, many other women would. If I were to date this guy, it would simply an inefficient allocation of resources. Not maximizing the common good.


But I don't see how any of that even plays a role when it comes to dating. I can't believe you even think about stuff like that. If it feels right on an emotional level, do it. If it doesn't, don't. This isn't about demography, statistics or resources, for crying out loud.
"All you need is love". John Lennon, smart man, shot in the back, very sad.
*MySmiley*

You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.
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Interracial dating (in the dating dilemma series) Aeryn - 23/03/2011 11:11:14 AM 2111 Views
I am not a black woman and I haven't done it ironclad - 23/03/2011 11:24:16 AM 1072 Views
Re: Aeryn - 23/03/2011 11:38:31 AM 1105 Views
Independence Day reference? Good man. *NM* Ghavrel - 23/03/2011 08:28:35 PM 542 Views
john lennon... MalkierKnight - 24/03/2011 01:08:20 PM 1104 Views
If you limit your dating pool by race you really have no reason to complain Camilla - 23/03/2011 11:57:48 AM 1019 Views
I dated a black girl for nearly 3 years. Dragonsoul - 23/03/2011 12:29:26 PM 1126 Views
ironclad - 23/03/2011 12:57:08 PM 1139 Views
LMAO Jens, you know me too well Aisha - 23/03/2011 11:30:35 PM 1024 Views
And her mother is Muslim. Dragonsoul - 24/03/2011 11:48:24 AM 1051 Views
What's it called? *NM* Legolas - 24/03/2011 10:36:28 PM 551 Views
please give him a moment to google an answer. *NM* Aisha - 25/03/2011 11:04:02 AM 556 Views
She said it's called Abu Haifa (sp?) Dragonsoul - 25/03/2011 10:38:13 PM 1059 Views
Hm, okay. Legolas - 26/03/2011 12:16:02 AM 1180 Views
That was it, Abu Hanifa. I'm poor with Arabic. Dragonsoul - 26/03/2011 01:08:12 AM 1105 Views
amazingly enough, I dont believe you. Aisha - 23/03/2011 11:32:26 PM 1159 Views
I'd prove it to you. Dragonsoul - 24/03/2011 11:47:33 AM 1019 Views
God help me, I'm agreeing with Dragonsoul. Ghavrel - 24/03/2011 09:29:56 PM 1029 Views
I think he is making it up for the benefit of this comunity Aisha - 24/03/2011 10:03:21 PM 1132 Views
Sometimes I worry about "this community"... Joel - 25/03/2011 11:33:17 PM 1221 Views
I think that would be a poor reason to not date someone random thoughts - 23/03/2011 01:07:31 PM 1136 Views
Can you edit your post and take out the cow analogies? Thanks. *NM* Vivien - 23/03/2011 03:31:51 PM 555 Views
I didn't even see the "cow & milk" analogy. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:03:02 AM 1002 Views
being offensive makes it no less true random thoughts - 24/03/2011 01:25:34 PM 1011 Views
It's true that after a certain age, average men have an easier time finding dates Helene - 24/03/2011 01:31:35 PM 982 Views
I don't date so I don't have personal experience random thoughts - 24/03/2011 03:29:50 PM 998 Views
I don't date either... :-) Helene - 24/03/2011 03:42:33 PM 1208 Views
I think you're doing him a disservice. nossy - 23/03/2011 02:16:59 PM 1102 Views
This. Plus, to try to frame it more in A's terms... Sareitha Sedai - 23/03/2011 03:05:55 PM 1032 Views
It can add extra complications that negatively impact the likelihood of a successful relationship Helene - 23/03/2011 02:50:39 PM 1037 Views
What I forgot to mention in the post Helene - 23/03/2011 03:01:04 PM 1001 Views
Re: What I forgot to mention in the post Aeryn - 24/03/2011 05:11:11 AM 1064 Views
If you have a lot in common with him and like him and are attracted to him Helene - 24/03/2011 09:41:01 AM 964 Views
I think you should date him. Palatine - 23/03/2011 03:02:56 PM 987 Views
I think you should date this guy if you like him. Morgawse - 23/03/2011 03:07:30 PM 988 Views
I think that you're doing both of you a disservice. Jeordam - 23/03/2011 03:09:29 PM 1045 Views
I agree with you. Vivien - 23/03/2011 03:26:02 PM 1047 Views
And my opinion matters more than everyone else here combined! MWAHAHAHAHAHA Vivien - 23/03/2011 03:28:06 PM 979 Views
Well, you know your sis better than we do... ironclad - 23/03/2011 03:48:12 PM 1015 Views
Because you never know. Vivien - 23/03/2011 04:00:44 PM 1182 Views
Geez you know just the right things to say. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 03:38:34 AM 1038 Views
LOL. ( Yes I really did laugh out loud) *NM* Vivien - 24/03/2011 03:55:22 AM 533 Views
Most of the other responses are ignoring your reasons. Vivien - 23/03/2011 03:34:56 PM 965 Views
No one should try to think from "the perspective of black women", not even 1 black woman can do that Helene - 23/03/2011 03:47:34 PM 1010 Views
Re Vivien - 23/03/2011 04:05:20 PM 1138 Views
I'm sure that Aeryn is lovely, but she's not the only lovely white woman in the world Helene - 24/03/2011 09:43:32 AM 1027 Views
Or nossy - 23/03/2011 03:47:56 PM 1011 Views
We have no control over how other people act. Vivien - 23/03/2011 04:07:11 PM 1140 Views
I agree completely. nossy - 23/03/2011 04:17:59 PM 1095 Views
And it's a bit silly to determine for someone else who he should be dating *NM* Helene - 24/03/2011 09:33:09 AM 515 Views
This has to be one of the stupidest reasons for not dating someone I've ever heard. Tom - 23/03/2011 03:54:15 PM 1046 Views
Your opinion: less than nothing. Vivien - 23/03/2011 04:10:24 PM 1128 Views
Who are you? Dark Knight - 23/03/2011 08:37:43 PM 1168 Views
It's extremely unlikely that Tom was offended. Vivien - 23/03/2011 09:04:42 PM 1045 Views
I'm glad you're back, by the way. These threads are great. *NM* Ghavrel - 23/03/2011 09:15:41 PM 549 Views
Thank you. *NM* Vivien - 24/03/2011 04:01:08 AM 553 Views
I'm not offended, only amused at your poor logic. Tom - 23/03/2011 09:24:05 PM 1081 Views
That's lawyer logic! Vivien - 24/03/2011 03:50:37 AM 1010 Views
Is there any other kind? *NM* Tom - 24/03/2011 02:05:27 PM 551 Views
Ooh that's harsh. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 03:48:50 AM 972 Views
This is all I get???? Vivien - 24/03/2011 03:54:22 AM 1076 Views
Oh, I appreciate. There's cake in the fridge *NM* Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:27:20 AM 515 Views
You two are sooo cute! *NM* ironclad - 24/03/2011 07:29:12 PM 418 Views
+1, though I probably wouldn't have said it in quite the same way. Joel - 23/03/2011 11:03:07 PM 1012 Views
Yup. beetnemesis - 24/03/2011 01:42:16 AM 1110 Views
That's a good analogy. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 03:50:17 AM 1100 Views
Shrug. She likes *me*. Plus, Jewish guys love Asian girls, well-known fact. beetnemesis - 24/03/2011 04:46:56 AM 1006 Views
So it's not her choice who she wants to date, but everyone around her?? Helene - 24/03/2011 09:39:58 AM 1012 Views
What's wrong with wanting to preserve races or ethnic groups? ßelals Girl - 24/03/2011 02:09:02 AM 1072 Views
When its the black race? *NM* Urza - 24/03/2011 02:21:13 AM 551 Views
You're such an ass *NM* ßelals Girl - 24/03/2011 02:52:12 AM 525 Views
*butts in* nossy - 24/03/2011 02:45:26 AM 1068 Views
"It would be wrong, immortal [sic] even". Tom - 24/03/2011 02:52:21 AM 1100 Views
Or potentially not (directly) from Africa nossy - 24/03/2011 03:06:36 AM 957 Views
I've only seen "identifies as" when someone is of mixed race. *NM* Tom - 24/03/2011 03:09:51 AM 508 Views
You're absolutely right. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:14:49 AM 1039 Views
Then your argument is even sillier, as mixed race is too white Helene - 24/03/2011 09:50:15 AM 923 Views
Is he "identifying as" black in a cultural context as well? Tom - 24/03/2011 02:04:43 PM 903 Views
Re: *butts in* ßelals Girl - 24/03/2011 03:03:14 AM 961 Views
You're a damn genius! nossy - 24/03/2011 03:09:26 AM 1060 Views
I don't feel like one ßelals Girl - 25/03/2011 01:17:07 AM 1029 Views
Re: This has to be one of the stupidest reasons for not dating someone I've ever heard. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:07:36 AM 1058 Views
That could be argued in the opposite way just as easily. Helene - 24/03/2011 09:48:16 AM 992 Views
Huh Aeryn - 25/03/2011 11:15:58 AM 1008 Views
Are you looking for reasons not to date him, or are you just being overly socially conscience? Beqi - 23/03/2011 08:12:48 PM 1031 Views
Ha. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:17:26 AM 1016 Views
Heh, that really is the best thing *NM* beetnemesis - 24/03/2011 04:48:07 AM 549 Views
...wat. Is this a serious post? Ghavrel - 23/03/2011 08:23:04 PM 1015 Views
Kinda? Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:23:12 AM 1076 Views
I just broke up with my Pakistani girlfriend Dark Knight - 23/03/2011 08:24:52 PM 982 Views
Heh heh heh heh snoopcester - 23/03/2011 08:25:06 PM 882 Views
Ha, I didn't even see that typo. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 05:14:40 AM 913 Views
<3 You Ana, BUT Urza - 23/03/2011 08:44:11 PM 1011 Views
wait. did you..? Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:37:23 AM 1030 Views
Your taken aback by this why? Urza - 24/03/2011 06:30:46 AM 1079 Views
I thought this was a great post. Legolas - 23/03/2011 10:26:08 PM 1062 Views
Glad I could entertain. *NM* Aeryn - 24/03/2011 03:47:48 AM 490 Views
I understand what you are saying. Tashmere - 23/03/2011 11:04:44 PM 1002 Views
An ally! Score! Vivien - 24/03/2011 03:56:53 AM 983 Views
Aw, you're a darling. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:26:39 AM 1037 Views
Also somebody brought up the valid point of his rights. Tashmere - 26/03/2011 11:55:49 PM 1019 Views
There's not a wealth of eligible men from any race; maybe you should just stop dating entirely. Joel - 23/03/2011 11:27:40 PM 963 Views
Well, yeah. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:49:47 AM 870 Views
The critically large word is "if"; your reasoning is setting off massive circular claxons for me. Joel - 25/03/2011 11:30:15 PM 818 Views
he is not a resource, he is a man. *NM* Aisha - 23/03/2011 11:29:37 PM 598 Views
Cock is a resource. *NM* Urza - 23/03/2011 11:43:39 PM 509 Views
"Efficient allocation of cock?" Oh my, that sounds really wrong. *NM* Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:32:23 AM 530 Views
seriously? that is dumb. date the man. also, it is dehumanising to refer to him as a resource. temeraire - 24/03/2011 12:52:38 AM 1066 Views
This is exactly it. Dan - 24/03/2011 04:02:10 AM 1075 Views
I didn't quite. I was talking about the economic principle. *NM* Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:42:57 AM 518 Views
<--Black Guy Post Daiyon - 24/03/2011 12:57:13 AM 1150 Views
Re: Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:53:07 AM 1067 Views
Um. rebelaessedai - 24/03/2011 01:00:47 AM 1165 Views
Well, according to stand-up comics who specialize in racially based humor... TaskmasterJack - 24/03/2011 01:29:35 AM 1046 Views
Practical advice. I like it. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 03:58:24 AM 1077 Views
Practical advice! *NM* Vivien - 24/03/2011 03:58:34 AM 515 Views
... how did you? *NM* Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:31:14 AM 542 Views
I don't know! Our posts are about 1/10 of a second apart, freaky. *NM* Vivien - 24/03/2011 04:35:23 AM 503 Views
1/6 of a minute. But it's still a comical coincidence. *NM* TaskmasterJack - 24/03/2011 09:52:19 PM 528 Views
But that means if he's OK with it he's a commodity more rare and valuable than gold. Joel - 25/03/2011 11:37:48 PM 956 Views
I present to you: A VISION OF THE FUTURE-UTRE-UTRE-UTRE beetnemesis - 24/03/2011 02:19:19 AM 1156 Views
Oh, that was awesome *NM* Aeryn - 24/03/2011 03:37:01 AM 533 Views
+ 10 best post ever. I can't believe how funny that was. *NM* Timthetrolloc - 24/03/2011 03:54:39 AM 585 Views
What just happened? *NM* Ghavrel - 24/03/2011 04:04:45 AM 499 Views
*NM* ironclad - 24/03/2011 08:32:36 AM 437 Views
Awesome *NM* Stephen - 24/03/2011 09:03:13 AM 617 Views
I am currently dating a black woman... MightyYT - 24/03/2011 06:29:03 AM 1019 Views
...I always figured your name was a Snow Crash reference *NM* beetnemesis - 24/03/2011 03:48:53 PM 533 Views
I have had the nickname longer than that has been out. *NM* MightyYT - 24/03/2011 07:08:02 PM 551 Views
Don't date him. Stephen - 24/03/2011 09:44:30 AM 1019 Views
Its not likely anyone will read this comment since there are so many already MalkierKnight - 24/03/2011 01:12:19 PM 1130 Views
She's not talking about welfare queens, she's talking about well educated black women Helene - 24/03/2011 01:33:48 PM 1077 Views
It is. *NM* Ghavrel - 24/03/2011 09:33:01 PM 504 Views
this might help you understand what she is talking about random thoughts - 25/03/2011 02:24:35 PM 1037 Views
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