Re: Dating websites - Edit 1
Before modification by Nate at 13/01/2011 08:57:39 PM
I do have a profile up at OKCupid for fun just as a social experiment. Written commmunication is a different medium from face-to-face, so a lot of what I leaned is probably just specific to on-line, but I did learn a few general points applicable to dating in any setting:
I used OKCupid for about ten months, so I thought I'd relate my experience too. I'll just do it in reply to you because I'm lazy.
(1) Direct sexual come-ons are generally disasterous. 
This is very true. I've never used them myself, but two of the girls I talked to showed me transcripts of conversations and how they would automatically turn down any guy who did that.
(2) Unless you are very attractive, you are going to have a hard time getting action from strangers, looks matter a LOT more than people are willing to admit, and that's true for both men AND women.
The "more than people are willing to admit" part is probably true. That doesn't mean you have to be a model though.
(3) The very hint of a formal romantic setting or 'date' immediately puts people on the defensive and stops them having fun - kinda sad. The same girl that would chat to you quite happily in a non-dating setting will suddenly clam-up and stop giving you the time of day in a dating context. Weird but truth.
The formal part is probably key. I met four girls in person in my time on OKCupid (which was a pretty good rate since I lived two and a half hours away from the city where they lived), but all of the dates were pretty casual in nature, and there was no expectation of overt romantics. I went to a concert with one then back to her place, to a movie with another then back to her place, to the zoo with a third, and then to the zoo, dinner, and back to her place with the fourth, who in short order became my steady girlfriend.
If you are a guy, I wouldn't recommend dating websites unless you think you are in the top 20% in the looks department and can handle a lot of rejection. Generally guys only get a response rate of 10-30%, and its near impossible to keep a girl talking to you for any length of time, since they are constantly being bombarded by messages from hundreds of other guys.
I certainly don't consider myself to be in the top 20% for looks. Top 50% at best, though it's possible I underrate myself. You definitely have to be prepared for girls to not answer your messages a majority of the time though. They really do get a lot of them, and often they'll take a brief look at your profile before they even read your message, just to see if they want to bother.
However, I didn't have too much trouble keeping a conversation going once it got started. With three girls I let it drop because after getting to talk to her for a bit I found I wasn't really interested. Two others did the dropping after a few messages. Four others went off the site and onto instant messaging with me after a few days, and those are the four I ended up travelling into the city to meet in person.
The profile was key for me. I made it as interesting as I could without getting overly wordy, threw in some humour, kept it honest and clean, and laid out pretty plainly what I was looking for and what a girl could expect from me. This led to an instant connection with the second girl, even though it didn't lead anywhere romantic in the end (we're still friends). The third girl messaged me first instead of the usual other way around, because she loved my profile. The fourth girl, who became my girlfriend, favourited my profile, which brought her to my attention.
I again have to emphasize that I am in no way a handsome hunk. I'm not muscular, my hair is starting to recede, my skin isn't perfect. I didn't expect any of the girls I talked to to be perfect either though. There are all sorts on dating sites, so it depends on what your expectations are. If you just want to date a stereotypically attractive girl, your chances are probably low. But if you want to connect with some people and maybe meet some nice girls, give it a shot, don't be disappointed when some of them ignore you, and you never know.
In short, these places are definitely not good places to meet people. I got far more action on wotmania in a week than I ever did in a year on OKCupid
Of the four girls I met in the eight months, two are still friends and one is my very serious girlfriend of five months now. I don't know how that compares to the success rates of other dating methods, but if a person has trouble meeting new potential love interests in other ways, it's worth a shot. I recommend OKCupid because it's free and well-done, without any run-arounds or gimmicks, and everything is clean and well-presented. I tried plentyoffish as well but it was stupid.