I think you would be surprised at how many people can relate to your post. I know I can. The details are different, but the feeling is so familiar.

I’ve always had a weight problem and many health issues. I ended up missing 1/3 of my senior year in high school between illness and skipping. I was teased horribly and only had one friend. Never had a kiss…never had a date.

Being uninspired and directionless, I ended up attending a local university, doing horribly for a couple of years before quitting. My one friend from high school, who was very pretty, got all the guys. My self image could not have been any lower.

I started working instead of going to school and began a long stretch of part-time or temporary positions. All the jobs I ended up with required me to deal with people. I worked retail, telemarketing and in a welfare office. Eventually, I met a guy…and…well, let’s just say I eventually got that first kiss and more.

He wasn’t the one for me…and I had a real string of bad relationships after him. I think my lowest point came when I was with a guy whose perfect gal was a skinny, puffy-haired, mall rat. I was a fat Goth. I remember feeling so grateful to the bastard for being kind enough to “put up” with my appearance. I truly never thought I should expect or deserve better.

Then I met this other guy. We celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary last month. He thinks I’m beautiful just the way I am. I eventually went back to school…when it was my choice where to go and what to study, and I finished my degree with highest honors. Life is pretty good.

I tell you my story to show that I do relate and to show that things can get better.

Now for the advice…

- Someone above mentioned that you may have returned to school too soon. I thought that as well. Maybe it would help to take more time off or drop to part time. If you do, don’t just sit around at home. Get a job or volunteer at an animal shelter or nursing home.

- You mentioned that you are tired of being the person who initiates contact with others. I know that can get old. Just wanted to point out that perhaps the other person is too shy or wounded or scared or something to make that first contact. They might be struggling as much as you are.

- Perhaps keeping a journal would help you see the downward cycles starting in time to thwart them.

- Be as open as you can with your parents. They sound like they really love you and want to help. They are only human, so they do make mistakes. But I’m sure they don’t want you to feel guilty. Make sure they know how grateful you are for their support.

- Another idea for a journal is to help you decide what it is that you want and how you might realistically achieve it. Also, try to figure out what your barriers might be to achieving it.

These are just a few ideas off the top of my head…hope you find them helpful!