If that's even what it is. I'll explain. Roommate's father comes over every day (or nearly) to clean. Roommate is 30-something, and does not want father to come over to clean. Roommate has had countless talks with father, to no avail.
What is that? How does one fix that? My roomie usually wavers between anger and fatalistic acceptance. He feels he has no options but to either let it happen, or take his father's key. Neither is what he wants, because the latter will obviously upset his dad.
I've given every piece of advice I can - tell him to go volunteer, tell him it upsets you, tell him you want to take care of yourself, etc. The roommate has already been over that with him. His father seems completely unable to stop "helping."
Anyone come across this kind of thing? Is there anything to be done? I'm all out of fresh advice, and it has started to bother me on his behalf. I actually sort of said something to his dad this morning, because he had gutted his bedroom - all the laundry, all the papers and whatever on the floor, all the bedclothes, cleaned. When I walked through the kitchen, he (father) laughed and said that he had to hurry and get this kind of thing done when roommate wasn't around. I couldn't help but to ask if roommate had wanted him to do all that. He said, "Sometimes he needs help." I said, "Heh, he's thirty." It kind of embarrassed him, and then he started telling me how old he actually was (32, 34, no, 32).
I would like to help, but maybe there is no help. Anyone have any ideas?
What is that? How does one fix that? My roomie usually wavers between anger and fatalistic acceptance. He feels he has no options but to either let it happen, or take his father's key. Neither is what he wants, because the latter will obviously upset his dad.
I've given every piece of advice I can - tell him to go volunteer, tell him it upsets you, tell him you want to take care of yourself, etc. The roommate has already been over that with him. His father seems completely unable to stop "helping."
Anyone come across this kind of thing? Is there anything to be done? I'm all out of fresh advice, and it has started to bother me on his behalf. I actually sort of said something to his dad this morning, because he had gutted his bedroom - all the laundry, all the papers and whatever on the floor, all the bedclothes, cleaned. When I walked through the kitchen, he (father) laughed and said that he had to hurry and get this kind of thing done when roommate wasn't around. I couldn't help but to ask if roommate had wanted him to do all that. He said, "Sometimes he needs help." I said, "Heh, he's thirty." It kind of embarrassed him, and then he started telling me how old he actually was (32, 34, no, 32).
I would like to help, but maybe there is no help. Anyone have any ideas?
It sounds to me like your roomie is getting something out of the arrangement too, though I don't know what. Taking the key is such an obvious solution, and the "but I don't want to upset him" reason for not doing it only goes as far as roomie's willingness/ability to accept the continued behavior (which includes not being bothered by it). Those are the only 2 places where roomie has control to exercise.
It's possible there's a compromise position somewhere. Maybe Dad can still come over and clean once a week, and you guys get an extra lock that Dad doesn't have a key for that you just leave unlocked on that one, agreed-upon day per week. That way roomie still gets whatever he's getting out of the deal, and dad still gets to come "help", but roomie has control over when and how often.
If you are from Betelgeuse, please have one of your Earth friends read what I've written before you respond. Or try concentrating harder.
"The trophy problem has become extreme."
"The trophy problem has become extreme."
Does anyone understand co-dependency?
- 29/10/2010 03:59:52 PM
823 Views
It sounds like the man may have some OCD cleaning problems as well.
- 29/10/2010 04:13:28 PM
557 Views
I dunno.
- 29/10/2010 04:26:19 PM
610 Views
Re: I dunno.
- 29/10/2010 05:11:59 PM
583 Views
I don't think it's offensive.
- 29/10/2010 05:19:03 PM
553 Views
well..even if it isn't offensive by nature, his dad will probably still be offended 
- 29/10/2010 05:25:54 PM
550 Views
- 29/10/2010 05:25:54 PM
550 Views
Um... I disagree with "what he's gettingout of it".
- 30/10/2010 12:48:56 PM
536 Views
The father needs to find his own drive, but you probably aren't the one to fix that. *NM*
- 29/10/2010 06:11:57 PM
281 Views
Tell your roomate to sh*t or get off the pot
- 29/10/2010 07:37:35 PM
529 Views
that sounds, er, nice and all
- 30/10/2010 03:07:06 PM
608 Views
- 30/10/2010 03:07:06 PM
608 Views
sorry, but it sounds like the time for "niceness" has long passed
- 30/10/2010 07:28:56 PM
609 Views
