Had a dream I was talking to you on the phone last night. - Edit 1
Before modification by Joel at 09/09/2010 06:04:02 PM
Not bothering me, and since I'm the only person that matters here, you should be OK. 
You still have a ways to go before you set a new standard for pouring your anguish out on the CMB (really. 
' />) Um. I understand, at least as much as possible given the novelty of women. I certainly understand what it's like to NOT be in a relationship for much longer than preferred. As to suggestions... um.... 
' />
You still have a ways to go before you set a new standard for pouring your anguish out on the CMB (really. ' />) Um. I understand, at least as much as possible given the novelty of women. I certainly understand what it's like to NOT be in a relationship for much longer than preferred. As to suggestions... um.... ' />I'm the big dumb alpha male type. I'm supposed to suffer in silence.
Unfortunately - I find that if I do that the level of depression and upset gets much worse. I used to deal with that stuff better in a lot of ways, I think I've just hit my 'putting up with it' quota in life. I don't relate well to guys and have few to no ladies I can really sit down and pour things out to (and if there were I would probably not feel comfortable doing so as I'd be worried they'd take it as a guilt trip thing).
In this way - the 'distance' of the internet is very useful. I can say what I feel (within reason) and not feel too terribly self concious about it.
It was always about the relationship rather than the sex for me, and twisted me in knots. Only really know one solution, but you know what I'd say and I know you know, and, anyway, it took fifteen years to accept that answer and nearly five more to LIVE it, so the argument seems a bit odd coming from me. Not that problem solving is the right motivation there, but remember: It's OK to WANT another human in your life, but if people actually NEED someone else in their life, it's not a human being (which means no spooning; believe me, that part I get. )
Sex and relationships are - I don't know. Two different things for me really. I could be satisfied (note - not 'happy'
with just someone to roll around in the hay with once in awhile. It wouldn't be what I really want/need in my life, but it would help a lot. Sort of like fun but refreshing snack when what you really want is a banquet. It'll keep you going, but you'll still be wanting that banquet. Not sure if that's a great analogy but it's as close as I can come this early in the AM.As to 'needing' someone - well that's just where we're different. I pretty much do and it pretty much has to be someone I can spoon with. Vaporous maybe/beings just don't provide that much needed hand in the middle of my back and quiet word when I've had a rough day. Apparently they do for some but it's never worked for me.
How to deal with/understand women... when you figure it out, please share it with the rest of us. 
I'm pullin' for ya, and prayin' for ya, and thanks for the update (these days I don't get to respond as promptly as I'd like, but I DO keep my eyes open whether or not my mouth follows suit. ) It will get better; COMPLETE solitude is clearly not our cup of tea, but your wounds are also still very fresh, and a little time and healing should help a lot.
I'm pullin' for ya, and prayin' for ya, and thanks for the update (these days I don't get to respond as promptly as I'd like, but I DO keep my eyes open whether or not my mouth follows suit. ) It will get better; COMPLETE solitude is clearly not our cup of tea, but your wounds are also still very fresh, and a little time and healing should help a lot. True enough. I've always found that 'jumping back on the horse' is the best solution for me (and the one that has worked the best over the years). It's just that in life - particularly one like mine, it's pretty hard to find people. Seems like the good ones are taken!
Try not to overanalyze this particular girl too much, but maintain communications (which you probably already know to do) and just be as patient as you can. Talking about the stuff with people who care is healthy, as long as it doesn't become obsessive (which it doesn't seem to be. ) You get perspectives you otherwise wouldn't, sometimes just by the process of articulating and expressing what you're feeling instead of just feeling it. And remember that a lot of us DO care. You're a sharp guy with a good heart and instincts, IMHO, so while you may not get there as quickly as you like, I'm confident you'll get there in the end. If this is the girl for you, then nothing on Earth can stop it; if not, best to find out sooner rather than later so there's no one in the way when the right one comes along at last.
I am thinking she probably isn't, but then who's to say? For now - I'm fine being friends. The pain from yesterday went pretty deep but it's also faded out fairly quickly. Much to my surprise.
<sigh> Even before Amy took off we had become essentially roomates. Real, honest intimacy worthy of the word (no I'm not JUST talking about sex here) had been gone awhile. It's probably been - going on a year - since I've had anything where I felt really comfortable that way and that is getting to the point where it hurts. <shrug>
I'll deal. I guess I'll have to. But I need more changes in my life, so I think that's what I'll focus on.
Probably ought to do that one of these days; maybe get you on Skype, since it's free then.
Kiera said what I was trying to a lot better than I; depending how one views it, the only essential person is God or the only essential person is you, but however desirable REAL intimacy is (and remember, I spent 30 years wanting but not having it) don't fall into the trap of NEEDING it or you'll guarantee yourself misery whomever is in your life. And as bad as it is if/when someone runs away (either from the other person, or just themselves) it's better if it happens before people get too emotionally invested.Sigh. I wanted to say so much more, offer a little encouragement since you've got me licked in the experience department, but I just got a kick in the gut of my own and still have to work tonight. Possibly after a root canal or two (I'm actually HOPING for that because I don't have insurance after Friday and don't have $9000 period. ) I live in the greatest country on Earth; that's why despite a full time job and dental insurance (for now) the dentist suggested Mexico....
