First of all, I want to thank everyone for the overwhelming response to my post last week, for the notes, the messages on facebook, all the support and concern.

We where in contact with the hospital twice before last weekend. The day the bleeding started, and the next day to hear if they where sure. I starting bleeding around lunchtime, and bled heavily and alot until ten in the evening, where it suddenly stopped. The hospital was sure that everything was gone, they told me to quit the hormones, and just wait for the body to stabilize.

There wouldn't be any time for a new try before summer, and by the time they opened after the holidays, we will have moved out of town.

I spent most of the next two days on the couch just being depressed, waiting for the nausea to end. It didn't.
By Sunday I was getting worried.
Monday I called the hospital again, but they where closed cause of strike. Just the fertility section that is... So I called one of my best friends who is a doctor. He said I most likely had an infection, probably because not everything had come out. He said I needed an examination to see if they had to remove whatever was left in there. I promised him to call my doctor the next day.

I managed to get a emergency appointment. And he agreed with my friend. Sent me straight to the hospital for a ultrasound of the uterus. He prepared me that if there was anything left in there, they might have to surgically remove it. I didn't care. By that time I was feeling so miserable, I just wanted it to end. I was nauseous, dizzy and tired.

When I arrived at the hospital I had to wait two hours before they finally had time. Finally one of the doctors had the time and waved me into the examination room. She read the papers from my doctor, and told me that most likely they wouldn't be able to see anything. I had not been far enough along, and the remains would be so small. I told her I just needed to know why I was feeling more ill every day.

Well up in the fun-chair, she looked at the monitor, and said that there was definitely something there causing all my problems, she turned the screen so I could see, and there, in the middle of my uterus was this little lump with a very visual heartbeat. I can assure you that I have never in my life been so shocked. «It's alive?» I asked, and then I started crying. The doctor seemed moved too, printed out pictures for me to take home.

They don't know how it survived, why I bled so much, had all the symptoms of a miscarriage, but it is there, with a beating heart. And it seems my nausea now has a explanation, and sadly, no immediate cure, like I care! Maybe, just maybe there has been a twin that is now gone. I will probably never find out.

The fertility section has putt me on a hormone cure from hell, which has knocked me completely out. I spent most of yesterday barfing and sleeping. But I don't care. I've been more lucky than I probably deserve. It's still not safe, got a new ultrasound check in two weeks, but I dare to hope.

As Robert Jordan wrote it: "Almost dead yesterday, maybe dead tomorrow, but alive, gloriously alive, today."